Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Be Strong & Take Heart

Christmas break is quite delightful! I have been able to get about 12 hours of sleep a night, eat lots of food, spend lots of time with family, go to daily mass, and take extra time for prayer. I have a boom that I've been reading for pleasure, and am catching up on all my television watching. But I wanted to share today about my prayer that I had this evening.

This past semester was pretty rough. I had headaches almost daily for the second half of the semester and some form of migraine or tension headache about twice a week. I would say that I truly experienced suffering this last semester, and continue to experience it. Even with break I've had quite a few headaches and experienced quite a bit of pain. But I keep offering it up. I know The Lord has asked me to suffer in this way, though I am going to doctors I see what they can do for me because my pain knocks me down some days to a point of not functioning.

Today's inspiration came from psalm 31 and Matt. 10:17-22.

Today's gospel was kind of funny to me today. If you think about Christmas, it's a time of rejoicing in the gift of our Savior. Yet today's gospel says "you will be hated by all because of my name, but whoever endures to the end will be saved."

Those who choose to follow Jesus will be hated and despised. They will face many challenges and have a life where they will endure much suffering, but they will be rewarded, and they will beat the cross, the trials with the grace of God.

The gospel today also says " do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say for it will not be you who speak but the spirit of your Father speaking through you." He tells us not to worry. Know, and be aware that it will be hard but the Lord will speak through you, work through you - you will be His hands and feet, upon choosing to belong to him, to follow him.

Then the psalm says " I will rejoice and be glad in your love, once you have seen my misery, observed my distress. You will not abandon me into enemy hands..." The Lord knows our misery, he sees our pain, our distress - he even monitors it and won't give us more than we can handle. (I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much -Mother Teresa) Therefore, we know we can rejoice and be glad in the love of the Lord. He is our source of joy, and will ease the burdens and suffering in our lives.

Lastly, it says "Be strong and take heart all you who hope in The Lord." May The Lord be our strength! May we seek him as our source of joy. When we grow weary may we seek our King to reign in our hearts, may we permit him to lead us.

"Do not be afraid, your prayer had been heard" Luke 1:13
May we be strong in our Father in heaven and never fear that he will not provide for us - knowing that he has heard our prayer and will answer!

Praise be to God, may we rejoice in the gift of our savior, as he has been born and come to us in the innocent form of a child!

God bless!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Tuesday Memo

Well, seems that the holidays, and coming of Jesus, and Christmas break too threw off my Monday Memo, so it's Tuesday Memo this week. Praise be to God! Glory to Him in the highest, for the greatest gift has been given to us this day, the gift of our Savior Jesus! And this weeks quote was sent to me today, in honor of Christmas, from a friend! 

"God is so great that he can become small. God is so powerful that he can make himself vulnerable and come to us as a defenseless child, so that we can love him."
 -Pope Benedict XVI

Amen! The little Lord Jesus comes as a child so that we can love him. This year my family was blessed to have a newborn baby around for Christmas, and let me tell you, it is so easy to love a child. Their innocence makes them beautiful. May we come to love our Savior as a child, and rejoice in the gift of the little Lord Jesus for our salvation!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I Just Want...

I just want peace
I just want joy
I just want love
I just want to know
I just want things to be easy
I just want the pain to I away
I just want comforted
I just want to be loved
I just want to be cared for
I just want it to be easy to smile again
I just want justice
I just want strength
I just want...
I just want...
I just want...

Lately, in prayer I find myself saying things like what I wrote above. Asking for all these things, and as I was sitting in adoration the other I realized something - I don't want all these...I just want Jesus. Shouldn't that be our prayer? With each suffering, with each trial, with each moment of distress, in each moment of hurt, each time we feel rejected and just want to know we're loved shouldn't we call on the name of our savior? Jesus.

One of the most powerful prayers is simply calling on the name Jesus. Jesus I need you. Jesus I want you. All those things I listed above our fruits of just knowing Jesus and calling on him when in need.

I just want Jesus. He's the satisfaction of my heart, my soul. He is my everything. Amen? Amen!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Fall Semester 2012: Life as a Student Missionary

I am now about one week into winter break, praise Jesus! That felt like the longest semester ever, and I'm sure as graduation grows closer (don't worry I still have 6 more semesters) it will feel the same way each semester (that it'll never end, of course).  But today I want to tell you a little about what I did, and a little about what I learned, through out the semester.

What I did:

1. Quit panera - it was actually really hard to quit a job, and a part of me felt a little bad, since I was a closing manager, but it was unnecessary stress, that wouldn't help me as a nurse, and impaired my education some.

2. Started a bible study at Capital

3. Learned about the human body - and how cool it is.

4. Attended various meetings

5. Hung out with Jesus in mass and adoration just about every week (at least for the first half)

6. Experienced severe migraines, and chronic headaches.

7. Stayed up way too late eating chocolate with a sister (probably more than once)

8. Hugged people - a lot.

9. Made new friends

10. Lived off of coffee.

What I Learned:

1. Jesus is my source of contentment, of joy, of peace, of strength (I'm still learning this, but learned more than I knew before!)

2. I like giving gifts, and writing letters - a lot.

3. How to say no (this one's still a work in progress, baby steps..)

4. the reality of nursing school, and it's difficulty.

5. Getting up really early in the morning when you haven't done so since you were 16 is really hard.

6. How to love and live with 6 different women (work in progress!)

7. How to function with a headache (this one isn't easy, and made for a grumpy Amber)

8. To find joy amidst suffering, and in offering suffering to Christ.

9. I can eat a single frozen pizza in one sitting, by myself

10. I actually enjoy wearing dresses!

So Fall Semester 2012 - it was a little crazy. I did a lot. I learned a lot, and a lot that I learned cannot be turned into words. I was blessed to be able to start a bible study. I was blessed to build relationships with women in major, and in my community. I was blessed to be able to go to mass, and adoration, to have fruitful prayer. I was blessed to know the depth of my mother's love. The past semester was a challenge, but if there's one thing God has been teaching me in the week I've had of break so far, it's that His grace is enough. Amen? Amen!

God bless!

Happy Advent!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

To Love with His Love

This was just something I wrote recently, and wanted to share :)

I pray for God to lead
for patience as I wait for you to know

for peace in the plan God has, in the decision made
for guidance from the Holy Spirit in my heart and yours
for love and sacrifice, for the well-being of one another
for mercy, the ability to forgive the hurts
for knowledge to know where God is leading
for wisdom to love with His love
for grace to love with His love
for understanding of His plan, and of His love. 


Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday Memo

"What really maters in life is that we are loved by Christ and that we love Him in return. In comparison to the love of Jesus, everything else is secondary. And, without the love of Jesus, everything is useless." Bl. John Paul II

Monday, December 3, 2012

Monday Memo

"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent."
-St. John of the Cross

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Nursing School's Influence on the Gift of Life

In the past, I've never been a huge pro-life advocate. I knew it was wrong, but didn't fully understand why, and typically I would just keep quiet when the topic came up because I didn't know what to say. This semester I am in a Human Growth in Development class, where we learned about conception, babies, and all stages of life. I'm also in Human Anatomy and Physiology. Currently, we are learning about the brain, and brain development. So I'm sitting here reading about the development of a brain in a fetus - and thinking about other various things I've learned this past semester - and I find myself growing ever more passionately distraught by the pro-choice movement, and by the existence of abortion.

When this first started to strike me I was sitting in my human growth class in the first month of the semester, I believe it was the second week to be exact. Our topic of the day was prenatal development and birth, and the first section of the chapter is Conception and Genetics. I distinctly remember my professor saying "conception is a miracle" Each and every time a woman gets pregnant it is a miracle. Everything has to be so perfect. The body needs to be the right temperature, there is only a few days window where a woman can even get pregnant, the sperm has to travel through the womanly organs and attach with the egg properly, and then it has to properly implant in the woman's uterus... There are so many things that have to be just right - that it truly is a miracle for a child to be conceived. It is truly a miracle for a child to be born.

That then started to cross my mind from time to time throughout the semester, especially as I would here people talking about abortion, and birth control, etc. And all I could think to myself was, is - that child that you're killing, or preventing for your own pleasure is a miracle, and it is miraculous that everything between your body, and your significant other's body was so perfect that a life was able to be conceived.

Then, today I'm reading about the brain and the best way to learn about the brain is starting from the beginning- with the developing brain in a fetus. "By the fourth week, the human brain begins to form as an expansion of the neural tube" Each fetus has a neural tube which begins to form the central nervous system, and this is formed very early in development, but by the fourth week the brain is starting to form, with the brain we function. That is how we think, eat, breathe, walk, talk, grasp a fork, kick, etc. The central location for all functionality is already present and forming by the fourth week of a pregnancy, yet many seem to believe it's not a life yet? This I don't understand.

I see a baby, and I can't help but smile. I see a pregnant woman, and she is all aglow, even in the early months when they may be feeling sick. I don't normally post very controversial topics because I don't really want to have arguments, and I simply want people to come to know Jesus, and His love, and help them get there by words that I feel compelled to share - but I think one thing we need to realize is that each human life is a precious gift. I never understood the miracle of each life until this year. There was a point when if someone asked my opinion on abortion/contraceptives I would have told them it's not for me, but it's okay that they exist. Now, with a better understanding of the gift of life and the miracle that each conception, each child is -I hope, and pray that one day each person in this world would realize the gift of each life, and choose to embrace the gift, the miracle of a child.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Monday Memo

“God is love, but love can be hated when it challenges us to transcend ourselves. It is not a romantic ‘good feeling’… it is not about basking in self-indulgence; on the contrary, it is liberation from self-absorption. This liberation comes at a price: the anguish of the Cross.”

-Pope Benedict XVI

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Intercession of Our Lady

"Prayer is powerful beyond limits when we turn to the Immaculata who is queen even of God's heart."-Saint Maximilian Kolbe

For the last couple weeks I have been blessed with great suffering - yes, blessed. It doesn't feel like a blessing...ever, but I know that it is because I know God won't give me more than I can handle. With a chronic migraine for about three weeks now life has been a little rough, especially with still trying to do my daily activities. There's school, and household things, and well life doesn't stop just because Amber doesn't feel good. In my physical suffering, all other areas in my life have experienced suffering. My grades aren't so pretty and are on a slippery slope, my prayer life is not what it normally is - or rather it has a different appearance, and my relationships are little well... it's hard to build relationships when your head is constantly hurting, and you're constantly in pain. 

I was thinking about this a little bit today - that my sickness has caused me to very much so revert to the actions of a little child. I have to eat my meals at set times because of my medicine, and I have to get a lot of sleep, and if I don't get a nap or some form of rest time in well you just don't want to deal with me come evening. It feels as if my life has reverted to that of a toddler, which is frustrating. 

But if there is one thing I have learned in all this, God has his hand on us. This physical suffering isn't the only suffering I've been experiencing, there's been some emotional, mental, and spiritual as well. But what I do know is our Lady has been watching over me. 

My prayer normally involved meditation on scripture, intercession for loved ones, maybe some form of spiritual reading, daily mass at least once a week, and I try to get in a rosary. Daily mass wasn't happening because I slept as long and as much as possible. Spiritual reading and scripture reflection was a challenge because it made my head hurt - but one thing I have remained faithful to is my rosary. 

I look back on my spiritual journey thus far, and our Lady has always been there. She has my back. I would pray a rosary when I didn't know what else to do. I bring my struggles to her, and she intercedes for me at the feet of Jesus. In the last three weeks, as I have been suffering with these headaches, or as I like to call it my sickness, I have sought our Lady. If I can't fall asleep, I pray a rosary. The radio makes my head hurt, I pray a rosary. My brain wonders to me having some deathly illness, I pray a rosary. I have an exam, I say a Hail Mary. I'm being asked to be patient and wait on the Lord, I pray a rosary. Our Lady is the Mother of Christ. She is special to him, and her intercession is powerful. Her love is deep. She loves each of her children so profoundly, so deeply, so uniquely, and continually intercedes for us at the foot of her Son - that our petitions may be granted, and meanwhile her grace is being poured into our hearts, that we may have peace as we go about the tasks. Through the intercession of our Lady, our hearts become more rooted in Christ. 

“What a joy to remember that she is our Mother! Since she loves us and knows our weakness, what have we to fear?”
- Saint Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church

May we ever seek the intercession of our Lady, in all our needs. 

"Pray, hope, don't worry" -Padre Pio

"We never give more honour to Jesus than when we honour his Mother, and we honour her simply and solely to honour him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek - Jesus, her Son."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #94


"For God has made her queen of heaven and earth, leader of his armies, keeper of his treasure, dispenser of his graces, mediatrix on behalf of men, destroyer of his enemies, and faithful associate in his great works and triumphs."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #28


"Seek refuge in Mary because she is the city of refuge. We know that Moses set up three cities of refuge for anyone who inadvertently killed his neighbor. Now the Lord has established a refuge of mercy, Mary, even for those who deliberately commit evil. Mary provides shelter and strength for the sinner."
-Saint Anthony of Padua, Doctor of the Church

Monday, November 19, 2012

Monday Memo

Today I can't really seem to choose which quote to post. I know life is crazy this time of year, especially for college students. So I'm just going to share a few that have been helping me out lately!

Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1:2

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. Romans 15:13


"May you continue to be the sunshine of His love and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God" --Blessed Teresa of Calcutta



"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now, don't you recognize that woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We deisre to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is the core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be feltl beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil."  From Captivating 


"There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves." 
-Captivating 

"A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man; it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero."
-from Captivating 

"What a comfort to know that this universe we live in is relational at it's core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us. If you have any doubt about that, simply look at the message he sent us in Woman. Amazing. Not only does God olng for us, but he longs to be loved by us."
-Captivating 



"I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a prioity to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is "Why won't you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find me." says the Lord, "when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13). In other words, "Look for me, pursue me. I want you to pursue me." God waits to be wanted (Tozer)" -wild at heart quote 


Okay - well, that's enough for today. Have a blessed week :) 

Friday, November 16, 2012

Captivating

My heart has been captivated by Captivating, a book by John and Stasi Eldredge, about the heart of a woman. Therefore, I just want to warn you all that there will probably be many-a-posts about being a woman, and seeking to be a woman fully intuned with God.

I started reading this book, I had been wanting to read it for quite a while, so I had another book to return today, thus I found this book at the library when I returned my other book, and there were already a couple passages that struck me. I'm not going to dive into them tonight, but thought I would share them with you.

"Some time between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating." -Captivating 

"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now, 
don't you recognize that woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is the core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." -Captivating 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

God is Good

Thinking of the title for this was hard, so many things fit well, but nothing really captured all that I want to say. However, I feel the catch phrase of my life lately has been "God is good". Whether life feels like it's crushing me, or I feel like I'm on cloud nine I'm able to say God is good, and able to see His goodness.

Where to start?
Okay - so I struggle with seasonal depression, which many people do, but most people don't see it until February, when holidays are over, and everyone has gone back to their own lives, and the weather lacks sunshine, and life just feels hard. However, for me, it's the start of the cold season, the first span of gray days weigh down on me like no other.

Recently, we had literally five days of rain and gloom without a break, it was terrible. I didn't want to function. I just wanted to lay in my bed by myself. When I am struggling with my depression I have tendency to isolate myself from society. I don't want to talk to people - this isn't normal for me...

Okay so that's the source of all this -

So I'm just really down and gloomy. It feels as if there's no hope, my heart is heavy, and I'm in need of my savior. Living in household this year with six other women God continues to reveal his love to me in profound ways.

First, living in community you are forced to be surrounded by people, whether you want to or not. Someone is there, and when something is up they notice, and one of them is going to ask you if you're okay. I promise.

One night I came home from work, and I had just discovered that one of my kids couldn't read. I work with an after school program called AmericaReads. Anyway, I was helping with homework and one of the boys, who's in third or fourth grade, asks me for help on his homework, and I realized he couldn't read. He is in fourth grade (I think) and he can't read! How does that happen! I was appalled  I was shocked. I was disturbed. More than anything - my heart ached for this child. His parents didn't care enough to notice he couldn't read, and if they did notice, they weren't doing anything to fix the problem. Why is this the case? Why. I was so distraught by this.

On top of that, I wasn't feeling good. It was just a bad week. I was upset. The weather was getting to me. Things of our culture were upsetting me, the list goes on. It felt like my every action took all the energy within me. Therefore, Friday night and really Saturday too, I feel extremely anti-social. I keep to myself both days a lot, and just do what I need to for the weekend, but also spend some time watching movies. Saturday night I watched some Christian movies on netflix, and end up in tears (that happens a lot). In one of the movies, it was a woman's conversion story, and that got me thinking of my own conversion story, and had me asking Why did God choose me? Why did I find him? Why did I come to our God, there is no logical way for this to have happened. My family's not really Christian or anything, yet I came to know the truth of the Catholic Church and came to know Jesus in a most intimate way. For this, I am so thankful, but I just started asking why. I texted one of my dear friends, and he told me that it was because God knew I would do the work he had for me, but also because I was the lost sheep and he was the Good Shepherd who came back for me. And I was like okay - you're right. Then the next day at mass the readings hit home. God kind of smacked me in the face, but not really, but kind of...

The Lord our God is Lord alone!
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
and with all your strength. (Mk. 12:30)

God's love is enough. He is sufficient (well he's much more than sufficient, but we'll go with that for now). So I was like okay, God's love is enough. 


Then Sunday, I was up in our attic studying away, or working on something of some form and my housemate, friend, and sister came up and we started chatting. I told her what was going on, and we cried together. Something she asked me that really struck me was "Why do you want to be a saint? ... because you want to hurt Jesus anymore". 


I forgot to add, in one of the movies there was a scene that talked about how Jesus loves us day in and day out, despite the numerous times we reject him, and I was also asking myself why do I deserve to know this love, why did God choose me?


Okay, so because I don't want to hurt Jesus anymore - yes. In my imperfection, I deny and reject his love, his truth each day. I was finally feeling better, my chat with my sister lifted me up, and I was like it's okay, I'm not alone in this struggle, I keep going I can do this. 


Then Monday, Monday was okay. I was still in thought a lot. And we had small group that night, and I shared with them all of this. I had also thought up the idea to make a Positivity Book - so a little something for myself filled with positive uplifting things to help me when life weighs me down is essentially the idea behind that. Then one of the girls asks me how they can help with my seasonal depression and honestly, I was shocked by this question. I was kind of like, oh you don't need to do anything or I don't know if there's anything you can do. Then I was like, honestly, what helps is being reminded I am loved. I often feel forgotten, and sometimes I feel myself pouring out love to people each day, but feel like I never receive love. I often feel unloved, unwanted. I remember telling a friend once that I felt like people were nice to me because they felt it more of an obligation... because of one reason or another. I often just feel rejected, and unloved, which makes the seasonal depression most challenging. So I told the women I was sharing with, just little things to remind me that I'm loved and cared for will help the most. 


Tuesday, I was at work, and the bigger kids went on a field trip, so we had the littler ones, and they just loved on me. We played games and when they got out they would come sit on my lap. I had literally six little children on my lap at once... it was one of those "I'm in heaven moments" because I was loving these children, but it was also a reminder to me that I am making an impact on these children, and that warmed my heart. There was an immense amount of love being shared, and it was so beautiful, to see the innocence of these children being embraced. 

Then Wednesday, I was upstairs studying, as per usual. Wednesday was just a weird day.. oh - I forgot to mention I didn't go to class Tuesday or Wednesday morning because I woke up with a headache, and just didn't feel all that well, so I didn't go to school. 


I'm upstairs studying away for my Friday exan, and my roommate comes upstairs and she tells me she needs a favor from me, and I'm like okay - is everything alright... she sounded kind of like something was wrong, and she was like yeah, I just need you. So she grabs my hand, leads me down the stair to our room, has me lay down in my bed, puts my blankey over me, and tells me she wanted to do something special for me, to help me with my seasonal depression, and I was like awww okay. She plays this song for me, click here to listen. And she turns her super pretty lamp on and leaves the room. I sit there, listening to the lyrics,

Tell me your story
Show me your wounds
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces
Broken and bruised
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love sees you
I see what I made
In your mother's womb
I see the day I fell in love with you.
I see your tomorrows
Nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle
You see the shame
I see the reason I came
I came for your story
I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees
When I see you
practically in tears at the beauty of this - and the depth of God's love for me. And then she comes in as the song ends and we just sit there and she holds me, and I cry, and she looks me in the eyes and tells me I'm beautiful, and how loved I am. And I just stay there for a while. To be so loved, and for it to be shown, so deeply, so thoughtfully just lifted my heart. And then I went back to studying, and she brings me up tea and I was like oh my gosh, I can't handle this - to be loved is the most precious gift.

Alright, we're coming to the best part now - the power and beauty of prayer. In my community we have One Gospel every other Thursday night. These entail 150ish students gathering in a classroom, we hear a talk on Christ, or something faith related, and then we worship our God through songs of praise. I was really excited for this night because my youth minister from high school was giving the talk, and he is a very gifted speaker, and multiple times has impacted my life - I mean, he's kind of the main reason I'm Catholic :) and came to know Jesus - because of his boldness in proclaiming Christ as King and not being afraid of the outcome.

His talk was entitled "Big, Hairy Faith" and he opens talking about how we belittle our God. It is important to have faith in small things, but we need to have faith in big things too. And so often the world crushes our faith.  John 14:12 Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father.
We must have faith that our God will work and do great things.  And he talks for a while about how we need to have big faith, expectant faith, faith that God can end abortion, and do great things. We talk about the apostles performing miracles, and how God wants to do the same thing now, but so often we belittle him, and do not have faith that he can do this great work. Then he starts to talk about hope. 

Now hope is quite the special virtue to me. It is what has kept me going for the last three years. Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1


Then he says "Faith requires that we have hope, without hope we have nothing." 


And this made me think of a conversation I had with my sister Sunday - without suffering we have no need for hope. Faith, hope, and love are greatly intertwined and we need all of them together. 

This turned into a really long post - but essentially - God is good. He knows us so well, and knows exactly what we need, and how we need to be loved. He teaches us lessons through peculiar ways. But most of all - through all of this, and through a retreat I went on this weekend I learned by choosing to live our life for Christ we lead an ordinary life in an extraordinary, by simply knowing our source of love and life is Christ Jesus. 

God is good. Amen. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

Monday Memo

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love"
-Mother Teresa

Monday, November 5, 2012

Monday Memo: Mother Teresa

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

This was inspired by what The Lord has been teaching me and revealing to me. He has given us his love, we ought to share it with those who have no one to love them!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

For Love of God

You know those weeks where it feels like nothing is going right for you and every day you just want to come home and cry because you're so sad, or upset.... last week was one of those weeks. To start off, I felt sick every time I ate, I was extremely nauseous. I wasn't sleeping well, so I was exhausted. I had a decent sized paper to write. The reality of life hit me - you see, with my job I work with inner city kids, as a tutor at an after school program, and on Tuesday I discovered one of my 4th graders could not read - and my mind was blown, my heart was broken. No wonder this child was acting up all the time. He didn't understand what he was being told. He can't read. He can't do his homework if he can't read. Wednesday I went in to work and talked to the staff about this student, and am being given an opportunity to teach him how to read, which I am ever so grateful for; however, it upsets me that this child has not been given the love he deserves. It blows my mind how many children go unwanted, unloved, not cared for. This upset me much of the week. I couldn't stop thinking about it - how could such a precious, beautiful child - a gift to this world go so unloved - and then how come I have been so blessed?

Well what I realized, slowly, and it's still working in my heart, and settling in - is that God gives us his love. I was talking to my friend about this last night. As most of you know, I converted to Catholicism, and honestly, it was all by chance. My friend who invited me to go on a mission trip - well when we first met we were not friends, that is for sure. But we became friends, and her mom sponsored me, and taught me the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith. It was by divine providence that I kind of fell into the faith. And last night I found myself wondering - why? Why am I so lucky to have found God, why did he choose me to be one of his beloved. And this was well it was eating away at me - and my friend told me "because He knows you can take what he has to give you" and I went on and on - why! Why did God choose me? What do I have? What did I do? Why did he choose me? And this friend's response was that I was the lost sheep and he came back for me.

Sigh. How true this is. I was the lost sheep. He came back for me. He lavished his love on me. He made me, he knows me - my innermost being. He knows my heart and the ability I have to love - to love others, but he knew I couldn't do it on my own. He knew I couldn't do it without his grace.

This week, through all the trials and tribulations, God taught me something, something powerful, that words cannot fully express. But I realized the depth of God's love for me in a new way - in that as undeserving as I am of his love, though day after day I reject his love and turn any other possible thing, he loves me anyway. And he gives me his love, so that I can be an instrument of his love to others on this earth.

Why the Lord chose me - that I do not know, but I do know one thing - all we do, we do for the Love of God, and it is his love that sustains.

 The LORD is our God, the LORD alone!
Therefore, you shall love the LORD, your God,
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5

Monday, October 29, 2012

Monday Memo

"Can you imagine what twelve more Mother Teresa's would do for the world? Can you imagine what would happen if just twelve people offered Christ 100% of their hearts and help back nothing, absolutely nothing? ...You can become a saint. Absolutely no one, and nothing can stop you." -Peter Kreeft.

Friday, October 26, 2012

You're Gonna Miss This

We always want to be going on to the next thing. Just the other day I caught myself thinking about the future and how much I desire that, not embracing my life as it is.

This is something all of us as college students struggle with. I remember having a conversation my freshman year first semester with a friend who had just graduated. I said to him "I can't wait to be done with school" and he stopped me and told me to embrace this time. The four years that we spend in college are the only four years we have like this, fully embrace them.

Today I was driving to a coffee shop to meet a friend and this song came on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I started thinking about the lyrics as I was driving - and just realized how each moment in our lives is a precious time, a time we won't get back. We need to embrace each moment fully and learn to see the beauty in it.

It's so hard to desire the future, thinking to ourselves "I just need to get this" whatever "this" may be, and I'll be happy. But really, our only true home is in Jesus so we need to embrace the moments we have, and learn to be content where we're at because Jesus has us in that moment for a reason.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Because of His Love

It seems every college student has moments where they ask themselves "what am I doing with my life? Is this really what I want to do? Am I cut out for this?" The last one was the question at hand today. I'm a nursing major. My heart's desire has always been to help people, and I just knew nursing was where I was supposed to be. People often ask me why I chose nursing, and I tell them I just knew that's what I was supposed to do. However, today I had that moment where I had to wonder is this really the right thing, do I have what it takes to be a nurse?

I can't watch an ambulance pull away when I loved one is in it. My brother was in an accident where I had to watch him leave in an ambulance full of strangers and I couldn't be at his side. I was strong for my family, by the grace of God, the entire night until my brother was no longer at my side and I could no longer be aware of what was going on. I remember feeling myself heart sink, and wanting to buckle to the floor. I can't watch an ambulance pull away when a loved one is in it without crying, but if I can go with them it's fine. That's not what sparked today's question, but it was factored in.

Today, in class we talked about cancer cells, which is a little touchy of a topic. I know very well what cancer is, and how it kills people. Today my professor, whose class I struggle in to begin with, keeps asking "how does cancer kill people" All I could think of was my grandfather suffering to his death, slowly becoming weaker as the cancer took over his body, and his organs slowly shut down. Eventually, our professor got his answer, but it caused a few too many of buttons to be pushed, and I was fuming as I left class. We know how cancer kills people. We don't need to go into in depth discussions about how it kills people, and takes over their bodies and the families have to watch their loved one suffer, and a 17 year old has to hold her mother as she mourns her father, and be the strong one.

My emotional baggage to these two things made me wonder - why am I doing this? Do I really want to be a nurse? Can I handle being a nurse? What about when a patient has to be sent to a different hospital, will I have to walk away and cry? How am I ever going to do this? Plus I just want to be a mom anyway. I want to be a stay at home mom and care for my children - raise them with love, and help them to come to know Jesus all their lives. Why am I even going to nursing school?

Earlier in the day I had decided to go on a run, so after my class, as all these thoughts are running through my mind I decide to go on my run - it'll help me blow off steam. So I drive to park of roses, which is one of my favorite placed in Columbus, especially when roses are in full bloom, it's so beautiful, but it's a beautiful park in general so I like to go there to run. As I start my run I am continuing to think about all of this and call on our Lord.

God, what am I doing? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? I just want to be a mom, what are you doing in my life right now?

I expressed to my Father what was bothering me, and he brought me peace. First, our gracious King reminded how he is with me always, he has called me to be a student, and this is a time for me to grow - to build sisterhood, and to strengthen my relationship with him, Then a verse from the readings today, and my prayer time this morning came to mind:
                                                             "God indeed is my Savior; 
I am confident and unafraid. 
My strength and my courage is the Lord, 
and he has been my Savior." 
-Isaiah 12:2

I am confident and unafraid. There was fear in my heart, fear that I wouldn't succeed, fear that I was doing the wrong thing. My strength and my courage is the Lord. God gives us the strength to do what he asks of us. He will give me the strength to be a nursing student. He will give me the strength and the courage to be a nurse. 

Now this verse had come to mind, but I wasn't fully convinced. I was kind of like okay God, sure. Well, as I'm on my run, the path has this curve, that I don't like very much - it's dangerous, hard to see, I'm always afraid I'll get hit by a biker or something. Well just so happens that I run across a little biking accident. I was convicted to stop, make sure everyone was okay. I told the people I was a nursing student and there was this immediate trust they had. It was so natural to me - it was so natural for me to jump in, to show I care, to make sure this woman was okay, to check for immediate swelling or bruising. It was natural. As I continued on my run I realized the Lord had showed me I have what it takes - I have what it takes because of his love. I have his love, and spread to others through my actions. The love I will love others with is the love of Christ, and none other. He is my strength, my shield, my sustenance. 

Because of His love I am confident and unafraid; my strength and my courage come from the Lord. I can do all the things he asks of me by his grace. 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Memo

I thought it would be quite fitting to share quotes of our newly canonized St. Marianne Cope. I did some reading on her yesterday as well, and she is wonderful! Naturally, I mean any saint is basically an amazing person and example for us to look up to... Here's a few encouraging quotes for your week from our new saint during her time on this earth, serving the poor and in-firmed.

"The charity of the good knows no creed and is confined to no one place." 

“For us it is happiness to be able to comfort, in a measure, the poor exiles, and we rejoice that we are unworthy agents of our heavenly Father through whom He deigns to show His great love and mercy to the sufferers."  

“Let us make the very best use of the precious moments and do all in our power for His dear sake and for His greater honor and glory." 

“If we, with the help of God, do our duty and work for His honor and glory no one will interfere with us."

“Creep down into the heart of Jesus.  He alone can comfort you in your supreme hour of sorrow." 

“May God give you health and strength so you will be able to lead the little ones to Him and teach them to love God more than any thing in this world." 

And you can read more about our dear sister in Christ here.

Happy Monday!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Expectations

Lately the Lord has been teaching me a lot about having expectations, and I wanted to share some of it with all of you, my friends :)

So, as I've mentioned, I live in a house with 6 other women, so there are 7 of us total. Six of the seven are full time students, most of us have a part time job, and we're seeking to live authentic Christian lives. Awesome. Therefore, Monday through Thursday we rise before the sun in order to pray. We pray the liturgy of the hours Morning Prayer, read more about it here. To start off the semester we rose by 6:10 and gathered at our kitchen table for "breakfast", most eat, some of us sit there and stare. Then at 6:30 we head to our prayer room and do this prayer. However, one of our sisters had a schedule change, requiring an even earlier start to her day. In order to be able to include this sister in morning prayer we decided to make a sacrifice by starting morning prayer at 6 am. So we all wake up and head upstairs to our prayer room from our beds (aside from a few) and prayer morning prayer.

I had been to morning prayer last year, prior to living in household, and the beginning of this year we had been having morning prayer where we sounded beautiful, there were few errors, and morning prayer was truly an uplifting way to start my day. Morning prayer met the expectation I held. Then on the mornings that we pray at 6 am we kept messing up. Antiphons were said wrong, or forgotten to be said, we sang the psalms incorrectly, our voices didn't sound so pretty, the list goes on. And basically I didn't feel like morning prayer was worth it. I wasn't getting anything out of it, other than frustration, because it wasn't meeting my expectations. Morning prayer was not what I thought it should be.

This was really bothering me so I talked to a friend about it. I just didn't know what to do. I was frustrated because morning prayer was making me feel frustrated. I was frustrated because morning prayer didn't sound pretty. I was frustrated because I didn't like getting up 20 mins earlier. The list goes on with all these things that upset me because it wasn't how I thought it should be.

This was how I was feeling and then I talked to my friend who said Christ is pleased with the time we are giving him. He is pleased that we are making the effort.
I was upset because these various things were an inconvenience to me, and they didn't meet my own expectations, but all I did was think of myself. I didn't think about how God is pleased that we are giving our time, that we are making an effort, that we are striving to love. I didn't think about how this prayer was giving strength to our sister. I didn't think about how this sister had to get up earlier too in order to get ready for her day.

By our human imperfection we will continue to have expectations, now as I think about this, I realize how many different expectations I have about things. It's almost as if I have my own will, and I get upset when God reveals to me that he has something better. In addition, when little things bother or upset us they are the perfect opportunity to offer them as a gift to Jesus. Our God can take the tiniest offerings and do great things for them. This is something I will have to continually work on, for the rest of my life. I invite you to join me on this journey - this journey of letting go of our expectations for things, and allowing God to be God. Permitting our King to be King.

"He must increase; I must decrease." John 3:30

"If he gives his life as an offering for sin,
he shall see his descendants in a long life,
and the will of the LORD shall be accomplished through him.
Because of his affliction
he shall see the light in fullness of days;
through his suffering, my servant shall justify many,
and their guilt he shall bear." -Isaiah 53:10-11

So let us confidently approach the throne of grace
to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help. -Hebrews 4:16


Monday, October 15, 2012

Monday Memo: St. Teresa of Avila

Today's quotes come from St. Teresa of Avila because she is my confirmation saint, and a woman dear to my heart - and today is her feast day! Happy feast day of St. Teresa of Avila, my dear brothers and sisters! She was one of the first female doctors of the church, and reformed the Carmelite Order, she was a woman of great courage and wisdom. May we seek her intercession always!



"Whenever we think of Christ we should recall the love that led Him to bestow on us so many graces and favors, and also the great love God showed in giving us in Christ a pledge of His love; for love calls for love in return. Let us strive to keep this always before our eyes and to rouse ourselves to love Him. For if at some time the Lord should grant us the grace of impressing His love on our hearts, all will become easy for us and we shall accomplish great things quickly and without effort." 

“Let nothing disturb thee; 
Let nothing dismay thee;
All thing pass; 
God never changes. 
Patience attains All that it strives for
 He who has God Finds he lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.” 
-St Teresa of Avila

Pain is never permanent -St. Teresa if Avila

what matters is not whether or no we wear a religious habit; it is whether we try to practise the virtues, and make a complete surrender of our wills to God and order our lives as His Majesty ordains: let us desire that not our wills, but His will, be done" -St Teresa of Avila


We shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we seek to know God."-St. Teresa of Avila

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Why do People put up with me?

I was talking with a friend the other day and she asked me "Do you ever wonder why people put up with you?" My response was "on a regular basis" So often I find myself wondering why people 'put up with me', why they deal with my stress, anxiety, fear, anger, need to vent, inability to love well, selfish tendencies, etc.

After this conversation I started to think about this question we so often ask ourselves. What does this question really mean? Why do we ask ourselves this all the time.

When we ask ourselves 'why do people put up with me' we are really asking 'why do people love me?' Why do people love me when I'm such a failure? I'm selfish, and so often think only of me and what will make me happy. I'm unloving. When I'm tired you probably shouldn't talk to me. I complain all the time, especially about school. I have anxiety, and struggle with depression sometimes. I am filled with pride.

We each see our own imperfections so clear to us in each moment of each day. I can go through a day and point out each time I messed up in being a 'good' Christian to you, but I won't. I see my imperfections, and struggle to love myself; therefore, I wonder how any other person can possibly love me.

So why do we think this way? Why do we feel like people shouldn't love us?

"Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble." 
-1 Peter 3:8

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 
-1 Corinthians 13:7

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." -Galatians 5:13

This is only a small bit of what Christ tells us through the bible. Christ calls us to love one another, deeply, selflessly. That is why our friends 'put up with us'. So what must be the root of the question other than that of fear. Fear of being unwanted, unloved. Fear that causes us to push others away from us. Fear that causes us to draw away from love. Fear of being tossed aside, when our friends grow weary in loving us. Fear that causes us to see the imperfections of ourselves shine so powerfully that we forget how to see the beauty in ourselves. 

We are each children of God, beloved by Him, made perfect in his image. As I was thinking and praying  about this Psalm 139 kept coming to mind. 

"Lord, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and I stand, you know my thoughts from afar. You sift through all my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it all. ... You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb." -Psalm 139:1-4, 13 (I really encourage to read the whole psalm, it is one of my favorites, and most pivotal in me growing into the woman I am now)

The Lord formed us, He knows us, knows us well - actually better than we know ourselves. Because of this He also knows our needs, and places certain people in our lives for this reason - to love us, and love us well. 

When we allow our fears to consume us, our fears of being unloved, unwanted, disliked, forgotten, despised we cannot serve Christ as he asks of us. When we are consumed by what others think of us, and are convinced we are unlovable we cannot love Christ. 

We love the people in our lives each day, we see the beauty in them. We are able to look past the imperfections of those around us and love them; therefore, we must also do this for ourselves.

Each time you ask yourself "why do people even put up with me?" push that thought aside. Recognize your imperfection, but strive to look past and see the beauty. I know I am so often amazed when people say kind things about me because it's so often a challenge for me to see the good myself. Remember, you're not the only one feeling this way, and seek out someone who can help to lift you fallen spirits. Lastly, we have a God of mercy, a God of love, a God of forgiveness - though we fail him every day, he loves us still. Let us Christ for his mercy and love, and ask him to help us be merciful and forgiving towards ourselves. 

"I have strength for all things through Him who empowers me." Philippians 4:13

In Christ, 
Amber 


.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday Memo

Hello, hello! It's Monday, which means it's time for our quote(s) of the week. Because it's the month of October, and because yesterday was Rosary Sunday I have a few quotes about praying the rosary that I want to share, and I also want to encourage each of you to pray the Rosary each, especially during this month of October!

"The rosary is the weapon for these times." -Padre Pio

"One day through the rosary and the scapular, our lady will save the world" -St. Dominic

"Give me an army saying the rosary and I will conquer the world." -Pope St. Pius IX

May we pray the rosary, and seek the intercession of the Blessed Mother, whom Jesus gave to us as he was on the cross, in a particular this week and this month as we honor her!

Mary, help of Christians, pray for us!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday Memo: St. Therese

Happy feast day of St. Therese! I have had a special devotion to St. Therese for about three years now, and her intercession is powerful and continually changing my life. I encourage you to pray to her, to seek her intercession. Here are a few of her quotes :)

“If I did not simply live from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient, but I only look at the present, I forget the past, and I take good care not to forestall the future.” 
― Thérèse de Lisieux

Do you realize
that Jesus is there
in the tabernacle
expressly for you-
for you alone? He
burns with the
desire to come into
your heart… don’t
listen to the demon,
laugh at him, and
go without fear to
receive the Jesus of
peace and love…”
― Thérèse de Lisieux





"My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience.” St. Therese

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Give Thanks

It's just known that every year with the season change a cold will go around, and eventually we will all be sick, and it will be a battle throughout the winter to not be sick. Last week all my classmates and one of my housemates got the sickness, which meant my turn was coming. My housemates decided that if I were to be one of the seven dwarfs off Snow White I would be sneezy because I'm always sick.
That being said, I woke up yesterday morning with the sickness. Stuffy nose red, watery eyes, the works - which makes for a super grumpy and whiny Amber. I was determined to see the positive throughout the day, by giving thanks. So I thought I'd share with you some of the things I have thanks for.

Things I'm thankful for:
Close parking spots
Sun shining on my face
A sweet text message from a loved one
Homemade chicken noodle soup
Lecture not taught by PowerPoint
Laughter
Coffee
Good music (sidewalk prophets)
My ability to get an education
Seeing an old friend
Cooking dinner with my sister
Hot chocolate with marshmallows
Pilates
Quiet
Prayer

There's a few things from me, what are some things you're thankful for? How do you get through some of those longer days

Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday Memo

Well, today we have three quotes because as I was browsing for quotes there were these three that really stuck out to me, and I think they all go really well together. Have a blessed week friends!

"Almighty and Eternal God, behold I come to the Sacrament of Your only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. As one sick, I come to the Physician of life; unclean, to the Fountain of mercy; blind, to the Light of eternal splendor; poor and needy, to the Lord of heaven and earth. Therefore, I beg of You, through Your infinite mercy and generosity, heal my weakness, wash my uncleanness, give light to my blindness, enrich my poverty, and clothe my nakedness. May I thus receive the Bread of Angels, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, with such reverence and humility, contrition and devotion, purity and faith, purpose and intention, as shall aid my soul's salvation ..."


"To love God is something greater than to know Him."


"Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you, and a hope of finally embracing you."

Thursday, September 20, 2012

See the Positive

This week had the potential to be "the worst week of my life". I had a lot of school work, I wasn't sleeping well, I was quitting my job...all these things and on top of it all I'm getting sick. AKA worst week ever....but not really.

Yesterday, as I started off my morning had the potential to be really bad. I had an anatomy exam and I didn't feel like I had properly prepared for it. I had a little bit of a headache. I had gotten less than five hours of sleep. I was turning in my notice for quitting my job. Definitely anticipated it being a horrid day. But it was not because one - our God is an awesome God, and all things go well when we entrust them to the man upstairs.

So I met with friends at Starbucks at 8 am. When I ordered my coffee I couldn't quite talk straight just yet because I was so tired (those of you who know me know what I'm talking about). And then my friends got there and we started chatting, laughing, studying - the day was already looking up. Then we went and took our exam and it was easier than anticipated and we all walked out feeling pretty decent about our exam. Then we did this meditation in my pilates class that I love, and it helped to relieve all my stress. I found out my microbiology exam got moved from Friday (tomorrow) to next week on Wednesday - which lifted a ton of weight off my shoulders. And lastly I turned in my two weeks notice and everything went smoothly, my boss didn't try to talk me into staying or anything, and it just worked perfectly. So basically God is good.

And if we look for the positive things in our life, then our lives will be that much more enjoyable. So seek to be positive, give thanks for the day God has given us.


Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday Memo

"We are to love God for Himself, 
because of a twofold reason;
nothing is more reasonable, 
nothing more profitable." 
-St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A Sure Foundation

So, I have been renewing my Marian Consecration to Jesus and one of today's readings was Matt. 26:36-46, the passage of Jesus at Gethsemane. Today I was really reflecting on how imperfect and weak we are humans. Jesus asks his disciples to stay and keep watch in prayer while he goes away, and when Jesus returns the first time the disciples are asleep. He goes away again, and when he returns they are asleep again. They cannot even keep watch for one hour. We, in our human imperfection, are so weak that we often cannot keep in prayer one house without growing tired or distracted. I know I'm so often distracted in my prayer time either but what's going on around me, or by how much I wish I was asleep in the time that I'm praying. Without Jesus we are nothing, as I read over this passage today it struck me how when Jesus was off praying to his Father the disciples could not keep vigil. They could do little because Jesus' presence was essentially lacking.

Then I went throughout my day, and today was a beautiful day. I was blessed to be able to see God in many places, and truly see his blessings reign down on me. So I'm going through out my day, and my last class today is pilates, and today we were doing this meditation for part of class, which the professor was quite excited about. Basically in this exercise we lay down on our backs and take deep breaths where we allow ourselves to sink into the floor. It is encouraged to simply breathe and let go of all that is weighing us down. And as we're doing this I really feel my stress, my anxiety, my exhaustion leaving my body. It felt as if I totally emptied myself and I was just deflated onto the floor, (which might sound strange, but stick with me here) and all the while I just say the name of Jesus over and over again in my heart and in my head. As I'm resting there I feel the firmness of the ground under me, all the while repeating the name of Jesus, and it strikes me how much Jesus is our rock, on which we stand firm, but also in whom we can rest.

Often times when I think of Jesus as the rock, I picture like a storm or something where would easily be able to slip or fall, but we stand on Jesus and he protects us, which is most definitely true, but I never really thought about the resting aspect. Jesus is a rock on which we can rest as well.

May we rest quietly, calmly, and firmly in our Lord and Savior, whom we can do nothing without!

God bless!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Monday Memo

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Part of the breast plate of St. Patrick! Happy Monday :)

_______________________________________

Friday, September 7, 2012

Eucharisteo. Give Thanks for the Little Things

This week has been interesting, in that every day I looked through my schedule, my agenda, my to do list, whatever you want to call it and had that "when am I even going to breathe" feeling. I kept thinking to myself, this only week 2, I can't do this the whole semester. I'll be having a melt down the end of next week at this rate. Then I got out of both labs early on Tuesday giving me an opportunity to eat my pb&j in more than a 5 minute window and giving time to sit in a quiet coffee shop with my pumpkin spice latte and a notebook to just write, and process through a lot of my thoughts. Then Wednesday, well that day was just crazy, and I wasn't feeling good so I just went to bed around 6:30.... So come Thursday morning, I'm slightly panicked because I didn't read over any of my labs or study for any of my quizzes that day...uh-oh. So I go to lab and just take it as it is...well turns out for anatomy lab there wasn't really any pre-reading that needed to be done, and for microbiology lab the professor changed the lab we were doing, and my quizzes for both labs were easy. Praise the Lord! I got out of lab early again, and was took the opportunity of this free time to go to confession and take my prayer time. Now, as I had previously stated - this week was one of those "go go go" weeks, so when I sat down in the quiet church to take my prayer time, I had this urge to buzz through this time of day that I was "giving to God" so I could move onto the next thing. It was like I just wanted to be able to check that off my to-do list for the day. Which is definitely not the approach to be taking with our prayer time.

During this time I felt the Lord just moving in my heart to sit in silence. Someone was telling me the other day there was parishioner at their church who went to daily mass and afterwards would just sit in silence for long periods of time. One day the priest asked the man what he was doing, and he said I look at Him, and He looks back at me. This person literally just took time each day in silence with Jesus, before the alter, where he wasn't talking or reading or anything, he was just present. This really struck me.

We need to just be. If we're feeling stressed, if we're feeling overwhelmed, if we're feeling like we just need to rush from thing to thing to thing to thing, and it almost seems as if we just can't even breathe, then we need to pause. What needs to give? Where do I need to remove something to lift the weight off my shoulder? This is what I have been evaluating, and reflecting on this week, and there's not much I can do to have an immediate fix to my problem, and the Lord sees this. Therefore, He has been providing little opportunities for me each day. They're his little gifts to me.

Like Tuesday, I was released from lab early enough to have a coffee date with myself. Thursday he provided me with an opportunity to be present with him in the Eucharist, and gave me an unexpected gift of an easy lab day. Our Lord knows us better than we know ourselves, and for this we shall give thanks. In each moment of our lives there is an opportunity for us to give thanks. Let us give thanks, and praise God for the little things.