I have The Magnificat Lenten Companion, and I read the reflection each day after reading through the readings, and today's reflection really struck me, and I felt compared to share it.
The priest was asked to share his thoughts on attending to those who are sick and dying (anointing of the sick, last rights, etc). His original response was "Jesus is with me", but in a later thought he shares this "I first responded that the only value my presence has is that Jesus is with me. And then, in a moment of graced awareness, I understood that it is much more accurate to say "I am with Jesus" Jesus has decided to be sacramentally present at the bedside of someone he deeply loves, and he chooses to take me with him. He precedes me. I follow him. This is appropriate because he loves these precious souls more than I do. My hope is that as I follow where he leads, I may slowly begin to love with his love. One of the many graces of lent is to be reminded that it is not he who follows us, but we who are following him. He doesn't rubber stamp the good life we have chosen for ourselves, but leads us through the good life he has chosen for us. He always takes precedence."
What struck me most out of this is the 'I am with Jesus'. This weekend I was at a conference and in one of the talks for the weekend, they discussed the barriers between man and God. Our two greatest barriers are people (often concerned with what others will think of us) and things. These two categories interfere so much so in our lives, that Jesus is then set on the back burner.
I look at my day today - I woke up at 8 am. Checked my phone- checked email and facebook, drank water, ate breakfast, drank coffee, chatted with my roommate, packed lunch, went to school (not once thinking about God). I went to school, went coffee, caught up with a dear friend - and yet, did not take time to think about God, to ask for his grace in this day... I did think about when I was going to go to adoration (to pray), but it was indeed at the end of the day. Going to adoration, seeking Jesus was the last thing I did today, when really it should have been the first thing I did.. So today things - life, commitments, people - interfered. They came first..
Upon this realization, I asked God's mercy, and will strive to do better tomorrow..
I was just convicted to share this thought - I just want to leave you with the last part of the reflection again - Jesus leads us through the good life he has chosen for us. He always takes precedence.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Intentional Prayer
I've always been bad at intentional prayer... or at least that's how it feels. I would often read scripture and figure out how it applies to my life or I would sorta pray for someone who asked me to pray for them, but I didn't know how or what that meant.. so I just felt uncomfortable.. Then I lived in household with St. Paul's Outreach (read more about it here) and we have morning prayer 4 mornings a week where we would pray intentions, so I became more familiar with it, but it still was uncomfortable.
This year, going into lent I had an increasing desire for the Eucharist, which is why I made my "add" to go to mass or adoration daily, but there has been so much more coming out of that. First of all, most days I end up going to adoration and I was finding myself convicted to pray for girls in my youth group.
Also, about a month ago I started my half marathon training class. I'll be running the Cap City half marathon here in Columbus this May (WOO!). And so I've been training a lot, and I'll start my run with my headphones in, listening to music, but after a while I want some silence, but when I don't have anything going on in my brain I start to focus on how much my body hurts, so I needed something to keep my mind off what I was actually doing.
Now, this is my second half marathon. For my first one, I ran with one of my friends and about half way through I was really struggling and he suggested we pray a rosary and if I had to stop and walk we had to pause where we were in the rosary to help create motivation to run... I've taken this habit up in my training.. A lot of times you hear about people offering miles or someone - so it's like I'm going to run this mile for George that the Lord may ease his suffering with my suffering.. or something along those lines, but I'm really bad at keeping track of where I'm at mileage wise in my runs, so I just go by the decade..
I'll take my headphones out when I get sick of noise and then I start praying the rosary. I offer the opening prayers for someone and then each decade after that I pray for a specific person or a group of people. And if I stop running I have to pause in my rosary.. It's so great - it let's me pray more intentionally for people, it allows me to actually remember to pray for all these people who I say I'll pray for, it keeps me moving in my run and it keeps my mind off how much it hurts in my run.
I just wanted to share this as an encouragement - we're always new ways and more ways to pray, to draw closer to the Lord! How are you drawing closer to the Lord this lent? Do you struggle with intentional prayer, what action are you taking to ease this?
God bless you!
This year, going into lent I had an increasing desire for the Eucharist, which is why I made my "add" to go to mass or adoration daily, but there has been so much more coming out of that. First of all, most days I end up going to adoration and I was finding myself convicted to pray for girls in my youth group.
Also, about a month ago I started my half marathon training class. I'll be running the Cap City half marathon here in Columbus this May (WOO!). And so I've been training a lot, and I'll start my run with my headphones in, listening to music, but after a while I want some silence, but when I don't have anything going on in my brain I start to focus on how much my body hurts, so I needed something to keep my mind off what I was actually doing.
Now, this is my second half marathon. For my first one, I ran with one of my friends and about half way through I was really struggling and he suggested we pray a rosary and if I had to stop and walk we had to pause where we were in the rosary to help create motivation to run... I've taken this habit up in my training.. A lot of times you hear about people offering miles or someone - so it's like I'm going to run this mile for George that the Lord may ease his suffering with my suffering.. or something along those lines, but I'm really bad at keeping track of where I'm at mileage wise in my runs, so I just go by the decade..
I'll take my headphones out when I get sick of noise and then I start praying the rosary. I offer the opening prayers for someone and then each decade after that I pray for a specific person or a group of people. And if I stop running I have to pause in my rosary.. It's so great - it let's me pray more intentionally for people, it allows me to actually remember to pray for all these people who I say I'll pray for, it keeps me moving in my run and it keeps my mind off how much it hurts in my run.
I just wanted to share this as an encouragement - we're always new ways and more ways to pray, to draw closer to the Lord! How are you drawing closer to the Lord this lent? Do you struggle with intentional prayer, what action are you taking to ease this?
God bless you!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Be Passionate
I may have written about this before, but I'm realizing more and more how important it is to be passionate about every. single. thing. you do. If you are not passionate, you are not going to work as hard or do it as well.
Last night I was dancing with friends and started with the guy I was dancing with and he asked me what I was studying, which is always dangerous because I go into a long rant about nursing and how it's hard but I love it, and then I go into my job and how I love working on my unit at the hospital and how rewarding it is - so when I finished he looked at me and said that just went over my head, but I love that you're so passionate about it. And later I was talking with one of my good friends while we were dancing and I was telling him about this encounter and refrained from going on my rant about how I love what I do because I know he has heard it at least once. And we got on this topic of passion. What is the point of doing something if you're not passionate about it?
I've recently gotten back into running. I decided to sign up for a half marathon training course this semester and it has really helped me find my passion with running again. This past week I ran the most consistently I have so far since I started running again. I ran my furthest distance in 2 years and I ran my fastest mile time in 2 years. I was amazed at the progress I was making and I was amazed at how great I felt getting there.
I've realized that when you're passionate about what you're doing it is much easier to find the joie de vivre (joy in life). I am passionate about Jesus/youth ministry, nursing, and running. The Lord has taught me a lot in the last year of life. A year ago I was just starting to experiencing relief from my headaches, and had a hard time being joyful, now there is rarely a day when I do not smile at one point or another. I constantly am experiencing joy and so often feel I could explode from joy, I am so overwhelmed and overflowed with joy and it is because I love all the things I am doing.
Nursing school is hard, but I have to go through it in order to get where I want, in order to care for people. Following Jesus in such a secular world is challenging, but rewarding. Finding time for running is hard, and it can be stressful getting out there, but once I do my stress melts away, and I feel a change in my demeanor while running.
Find what your passionate about and run after it.
Last night I was dancing with friends and started with the guy I was dancing with and he asked me what I was studying, which is always dangerous because I go into a long rant about nursing and how it's hard but I love it, and then I go into my job and how I love working on my unit at the hospital and how rewarding it is - so when I finished he looked at me and said that just went over my head, but I love that you're so passionate about it. And later I was talking with one of my good friends while we were dancing and I was telling him about this encounter and refrained from going on my rant about how I love what I do because I know he has heard it at least once. And we got on this topic of passion. What is the point of doing something if you're not passionate about it?
I've realized that when you're passionate about what you're doing it is much easier to find the joie de vivre (joy in life). I am passionate about Jesus/youth ministry, nursing, and running. The Lord has taught me a lot in the last year of life. A year ago I was just starting to experiencing relief from my headaches, and had a hard time being joyful, now there is rarely a day when I do not smile at one point or another. I constantly am experiencing joy and so often feel I could explode from joy, I am so overwhelmed and overflowed with joy and it is because I love all the things I am doing.
Nursing school is hard, but I have to go through it in order to get where I want, in order to care for people. Following Jesus in such a secular world is challenging, but rewarding. Finding time for running is hard, and it can be stressful getting out there, but once I do my stress melts away, and I feel a change in my demeanor while running.
Find what your passionate about and run after it.
Monday, March 17, 2014
God Provide's: A Lenten Prayer Theme
God knows what you need before you ask him (Matt. 6:8). For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—says the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope (Jer. 29:11).
This lent, the Lord has really been revealing to me in a new way that I need to trust him, and that I can trust him. He's allotted events to occur where only he could provide, and then he did, and it was so good.
So the first Saturday of lent, I was driving into work, turning into the parking lot, and a truck starts backing up in the middle of the road while I'm turning left behind him, and he thus hits my car. Thankfully my car was still drive-able, but he broke my tail light and dented it. Better yet, he didn't stop or follow me to exchange insurance information, and it was early in the morning so I wasn't thinking straight, and I think I was in shock with what had just happened. So I text my dad and I tell him what happens, send him a picture of the damage. He asks necessary questions, but then he says "don't worry, we'll take care of it. Keep smiling sweetie." Which was extremely reassuring to hear in the moment because I was worried that my dad was going to be mad, I was worried my car wasn't going to be fixable, I was afraid I'd get hit again, etc. In addition, prior to this accident I was stressed due to nursing school that week anyway, and after looking at my long term to do list for the rest of the semester I simply wanted to go hide somewhere far far away.
So Saturday, I normally would've gone home and sulked and whined about everything, but instead I went to adoration and God was so good to me. I had a chance to be in the adoration chapel alone with Jesus for a brief time and there were roses at the foot of the altar, and as I started my prayer I was stressing and worrying about school and my car. And then I remembered what my dad had texted me and realized God was telling me the same thing. I don't need to worry he has it all planned out for me.
Then this past Sunday, the second Sunday in lent, the priest, in his homily, talked about how we do not need to be afraid, and do not need to worry because God has it all under control - just as he tells us in the Gospel: If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?; Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. So I was very attentive during that homily, and was kinda like Okay God, I get it. I need to trust you.. meanwhile I'd been daydreaming about futuristic things, worrying about passing classes, worrying about family, etc.
Then - today, I went to adoration, and it was so good. I've been going a lot more this lent, and it has been so fruitful to pray in the presence of the Eucharist. This time I started with my normal prayer routine, and as I finished I found myself just wanting to sit there - to just be.. which was a very new experience. But I don't really have any major things hanging over my head that I was being distracted with and I just needed to sit there and gaze in love upon my savior, and allow him to speak to my heart. And as I was sitting there "be still and know that I am God" (exodus 14:14) came to mind, so I open up my bible and start reading the story that line comes from - and it the parting of the red sea.
Did we not tell you this in Egypt, when we said, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? Far better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”13But Moses answered the people, “Do not fear! Stand your ground and see the victory the LORD will win for you today. For these Egyptians whom you see today you will never see again.1The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still.”
In this moment the people were doubting, and fearful. They did not believe in God's power or even his existence. And I read this story, and it made this last line the Lord will fight for you, you have only to keep still make so much since. This people were filled with fear, doubt, anxiety, but Moses reminds them the Lord will win the victory, we need only be still.
Brothers and sisters, the Lord is victorious. He has already won the battle. He has already seen to all our needs, and continues to see to them, even when we doubt his plan, and doubt his ability. God provides, trust in him. Seek him, and he will reveal to you what you need. He knows what you need before you ask for it.
This lent, the Lord has really been revealing to me in a new way that I need to trust him, and that I can trust him. He's allotted events to occur where only he could provide, and then he did, and it was so good.
So the first Saturday of lent, I was driving into work, turning into the parking lot, and a truck starts backing up in the middle of the road while I'm turning left behind him, and he thus hits my car. Thankfully my car was still drive-able, but he broke my tail light and dented it. Better yet, he didn't stop or follow me to exchange insurance information, and it was early in the morning so I wasn't thinking straight, and I think I was in shock with what had just happened. So I text my dad and I tell him what happens, send him a picture of the damage. He asks necessary questions, but then he says "don't worry, we'll take care of it. Keep smiling sweetie." Which was extremely reassuring to hear in the moment because I was worried that my dad was going to be mad, I was worried my car wasn't going to be fixable, I was afraid I'd get hit again, etc. In addition, prior to this accident I was stressed due to nursing school that week anyway, and after looking at my long term to do list for the rest of the semester I simply wanted to go hide somewhere far far away.
So Saturday, I normally would've gone home and sulked and whined about everything, but instead I went to adoration and God was so good to me. I had a chance to be in the adoration chapel alone with Jesus for a brief time and there were roses at the foot of the altar, and as I started my prayer I was stressing and worrying about school and my car. And then I remembered what my dad had texted me and realized God was telling me the same thing. I don't need to worry he has it all planned out for me.
Then this past Sunday, the second Sunday in lent, the priest, in his homily, talked about how we do not need to be afraid, and do not need to worry because God has it all under control - just as he tells us in the Gospel: If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?; Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. So I was very attentive during that homily, and was kinda like Okay God, I get it. I need to trust you.. meanwhile I'd been daydreaming about futuristic things, worrying about passing classes, worrying about family, etc.
Then - today, I went to adoration, and it was so good. I've been going a lot more this lent, and it has been so fruitful to pray in the presence of the Eucharist. This time I started with my normal prayer routine, and as I finished I found myself just wanting to sit there - to just be.. which was a very new experience. But I don't really have any major things hanging over my head that I was being distracted with and I just needed to sit there and gaze in love upon my savior, and allow him to speak to my heart. And as I was sitting there "be still and know that I am God" (exodus 14:14) came to mind, so I open up my bible and start reading the story that line comes from - and it the parting of the red sea.
Did we not tell you this in Egypt, when we said, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? Far better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”13But Moses answered the people, “Do not fear! Stand your ground and see the victory the LORD will win for you today. For these Egyptians whom you see today you will never see again.1The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still.”
In this moment the people were doubting, and fearful. They did not believe in God's power or even his existence. And I read this story, and it made this last line the Lord will fight for you, you have only to keep still make so much since. This people were filled with fear, doubt, anxiety, but Moses reminds them the Lord will win the victory, we need only be still.
Brothers and sisters, the Lord is victorious. He has already won the battle. He has already seen to all our needs, and continues to see to them, even when we doubt his plan, and doubt his ability. God provides, trust in him. Seek him, and he will reveal to you what you need. He knows what you need before you ask for it.
“Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” -Padre Pio
Sunday, March 9, 2014
God Works Through Our Sinfulness
I am utterly amazed at how the Lord has been working in my life lately, and especially in the last week. Last weekend we had a youth group retreat and for a girl's session I talked about anger in regards to feeling like we don't have control of our lives. I used a past experience - last year when I was ill with my headaches and taking a semester off school and was in a hard place, I recently realized I had a lot of anger in that time, and so I used this as a time when I did not have control over anything that was happening and I was really frustrated. I even punched a football one time when my friend was holding it because I was so frustrated with everything happening.
Saturday morning as I was pulling into the parking lot at work my car got backed into. It was a bizarre occurrence, but it happened and it was a situation I had no control over, and in the moment I was angry. I saw the damage on my car and got pretty angry. It's still drive-able, and I wasn't injured, it was more a frustrating nuance than anything else. But my point is - I was just talking to these gals about anger when we feel we have no control, and caught myself doing exactly that.
Then today, we had a girl's night where we talked about body image. Just before we started I looked in the mirror and think to myself "these pants make me look really skinny" - what? I'm getting ready to talk to these ladies about body image and am looking in the mirror comparing my own appearance.
For a while, I was getting caught in my pride. I was telling myself oh yeah, I'm in a good place, I've overcome all these things, and have grown so much - and I actually thought to myself I wonder where I need to grow - and oh don't you worry, the Lord has shown me my own sinfulness, but it is so good.
I think when we're leaders, and trying to help lead others down the path of holiness, it is easy to get caught up in this mindset that you need to be a certain way, and to set yourself to a higher standard, but really we're all just sinners trying to get to the same place.
And I was processing this with my dear friend, and I realized how beautiful it is that God works through our sinfulness. I'm talking to these women about areas we need to grow in - sins of anger, envy, comparison, pride, etc. but at the same moment I am struggling right alongside them with these things. And that, that is what is so beautiful about our faith, because in my imperfections God is perfect.
Yesterday, I caught myself in anger because of a situation I had no control over, God showed me he had it all taken care of. Today, I got myself critiquing my appearance and how thin I looked, hopefully, he used me to help draw others to Christ. He takes us, in our imperfections, with our yes to carry our cross, and to suffer with him, and he transforms our souls, and he comes through. Where we are weak, he is strong. Where we fall short, he comes through. He works through our sinfulness to help bring others to know him.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours,
yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion
is to look out to the earth,
yours are the feet by which He is to go about doing good
and yours are the hands by which He is to bless us now.
-St. Teresa of Avila
Saturday morning as I was pulling into the parking lot at work my car got backed into. It was a bizarre occurrence, but it happened and it was a situation I had no control over, and in the moment I was angry. I saw the damage on my car and got pretty angry. It's still drive-able, and I wasn't injured, it was more a frustrating nuance than anything else. But my point is - I was just talking to these gals about anger when we feel we have no control, and caught myself doing exactly that.
Then today, we had a girl's night where we talked about body image. Just before we started I looked in the mirror and think to myself "these pants make me look really skinny" - what? I'm getting ready to talk to these ladies about body image and am looking in the mirror comparing my own appearance.
For a while, I was getting caught in my pride. I was telling myself oh yeah, I'm in a good place, I've overcome all these things, and have grown so much - and I actually thought to myself I wonder where I need to grow - and oh don't you worry, the Lord has shown me my own sinfulness, but it is so good.
I think when we're leaders, and trying to help lead others down the path of holiness, it is easy to get caught up in this mindset that you need to be a certain way, and to set yourself to a higher standard, but really we're all just sinners trying to get to the same place.
And I was processing this with my dear friend, and I realized how beautiful it is that God works through our sinfulness. I'm talking to these women about areas we need to grow in - sins of anger, envy, comparison, pride, etc. but at the same moment I am struggling right alongside them with these things. And that, that is what is so beautiful about our faith, because in my imperfections God is perfect.
Yesterday, I caught myself in anger because of a situation I had no control over, God showed me he had it all taken care of. Today, I got myself critiquing my appearance and how thin I looked, hopefully, he used me to help draw others to Christ. He takes us, in our imperfections, with our yes to carry our cross, and to suffer with him, and he transforms our souls, and he comes through. Where we are weak, he is strong. Where we fall short, he comes through. He works through our sinfulness to help bring others to know him.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours,
yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion
is to look out to the earth,
yours are the feet by which He is to go about doing good
and yours are the hands by which He is to bless us now.
-St. Teresa of Avila
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
My Cup Overflows
God is so good! And He abundantly blesses my life on a daily basis. About a month ago I was on a retreat called Fan into Flame. This is an amazing retreat, where on Saturday we very intentionally pray with a small group and each of us gets in the middle of a circle, we lay our hands on each other, and call on God to pour his blessing upon, for a specific intention. This was my fourth Fan into Flame, it is an annual retreat put on by St. Paul's Outreach (a national Catholic organization, check them out here). I went into this retreat with an open heart and an open mind. I didn't really know what I wanted, and I definitely didn't know what I needed, but the Lord knew, and He provided.
During a small group discussion we talked about what we wanted to get out of this weekend and I decided that I probably needed to be renewed and refreshed in my faith, and that thought stuck with me throughout the weekend, so Saturday that's how I asked God to work in me - to renew my faith.
In a time of adoration I came to Psalm 23 found here. Verse 5 says "my cup overflows".
Since the weekend of Fan into Flame, this line has been a theme in my life. I have continually see the Lord work and move in my life, where I feel fulfilled, where I feel satisfied, where I experience joy and peace on a regular basis. Also, after this retreat I found myself having a greater desire for the Eucharist, which lead to my lent sacrifice - one of the things I am doing is going to mass or adoration every day, sacrificing my time by giving it to the Lord, and seeking him, to be in his presence in a concrete way. In addition, I'll be giving up wearing sweat pants to class, except Tuesdays because that is my lab day and my nursing lab is much easier if we're wearing sweats.
This past weekend I was on a retreat as a leader for the high school youth group I help out with, and it was an amazing experience. Sleep was sacrificed, of course, but it was so good. One of the leaders had a cold and we were chatting Friday night and she was telling me that she made her sickness her prayer - Lord, let me be so that their souls may not be sick. And this really called me on to offer up my trials this weekend. As you probably have picked up on by now, I have a headache problem, and so Friday night I had a hard time sleeping, and my head hurt, but instead of being frustrated I took that time of suffering and offered it to the Lord for the salvation and healing of the souls of so many people who were on retreat this weekend.
We stayed in a lodge at hocking hills, because of this we had to provide our own food, so I took on that task, and had 2-3 student helpers. Therefore, I spent most of the day Saturday on my feet cooking food, starting with a hot breakfast Saturday morning and ending with spaghetti and meatballs (from scratch) for dinner. But the entire weekend I was so filled with joy. I was overwhelmed by love to spend my time serving these students, and the leaders.
I have never left a weekend where I gave so much, feeling so filled. The Lord truly satisfies. If we give him all we have, he provides beyond expectation. I could not have asked for a better weekend. I could not ask for the Lord to fill me more than He already is, as I opened this post I shall close it - my cup overflows.
During a small group discussion we talked about what we wanted to get out of this weekend and I decided that I probably needed to be renewed and refreshed in my faith, and that thought stuck with me throughout the weekend, so Saturday that's how I asked God to work in me - to renew my faith.
In a time of adoration I came to Psalm 23 found here. Verse 5 says "my cup overflows".
This past weekend I was on a retreat as a leader for the high school youth group I help out with, and it was an amazing experience. Sleep was sacrificed, of course, but it was so good. One of the leaders had a cold and we were chatting Friday night and she was telling me that she made her sickness her prayer - Lord, let me be so that their souls may not be sick. And this really called me on to offer up my trials this weekend. As you probably have picked up on by now, I have a headache problem, and so Friday night I had a hard time sleeping, and my head hurt, but instead of being frustrated I took that time of suffering and offered it to the Lord for the salvation and healing of the souls of so many people who were on retreat this weekend.
We stayed in a lodge at hocking hills, because of this we had to provide our own food, so I took on that task, and had 2-3 student helpers. Therefore, I spent most of the day Saturday on my feet cooking food, starting with a hot breakfast Saturday morning and ending with spaghetti and meatballs (from scratch) for dinner. But the entire weekend I was so filled with joy. I was overwhelmed by love to spend my time serving these students, and the leaders.
I have never left a weekend where I gave so much, feeling so filled. The Lord truly satisfies. If we give him all we have, he provides beyond expectation. I could not have asked for a better weekend. I could not ask for the Lord to fill me more than He already is, as I opened this post I shall close it - my cup overflows.
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