The Father's Love

This lent our Lord taught me so many things that I'm sure I have not yet realized, but there is one part that I want to share with you all - the Father's Love. The love of the Father is something that is so hard to grasp in this world, with so much brokenness, especially in family life - and even more so with lack of fatherly figures specifically.

So as I may have mentioned, I help with a high school youth group this year and the Lord has taught me a lot about the Father's love through this. We recently talked to at a girl's night about stress in anxiety and after that night I realized how many of these girls were struggling with depression and anxiety and my heart broke for them. To see the people I love suffer has always been something that weighs heavy in my heart and caused my heart to ache for them. I would often have this desire to take away their suffering, though I can't, which is where Jesus comes in. He died on the cross, and resurrected from the dead for the salvation of our souls.

I was expressing this ache in my heart to one of my friends and she looks at me and says "Amber, what your saying makes me think of the Father. I imagine that in heaven the Father turns to Jesus as they ache for us and for our salvation." And this greatly impacted. I was sitting struggling through some of my own challenges and thinking about this when it dawned on as I am aching for these girls, how much more is the Lord aching for me.

My dad travels for work a lot, and he is presently in Iowa, and with this specific job I only get to see my dad once every 3ish months which is really hard, especially when I was used to seeing him about twice a month. And there was another time, when I was missing my dad, even moments when I would begin to cry because I longed for my daddy, for his hugs, for his warmth, for our tradition of eating popcorn while watching movies at night.. and I realized, if I, an imperfect human long so much for my imperfect, human father, how much more must the Father long for me, and how much more should I be longing for the Father?

So basically, the Father's love exceeds beyond what are minds can fathom. It is so vast, so great, so deep, that he gave up his only son out of love for us. If you don't have a good concept of the Father I just want to encourage each of you pray into this, to start reflecting on your relationship with you earthly father and your relationship with your Heavenly Father. If you need healing in some area seek that, our God is a God of mercy, a God of love and he desires to know us, and to lavish his love on us.

Selfies, Self-worth, & Mercy

As I sit down to type this, I'm not sure what words will do to express my feelings towards this topic, but after being convicted for several days I have decided I need to write and share this..

In high school, and beyond, I have always thought I was immune to the comparison bug. I felt I was skinny, pretty, nice, etc. People often talked about facebook being a platform for comparison, but I didn't see it. I have always been a fan of social media because it allows me to semi-keep in touch with old friends, but I've realized more and more how it is a platform for comparison. I notice this especially as I have friends getting engaged, married, and having babies - my ultimate goal in life aside from work as a nurse - and I desire that so much. I desire to have a family beyond what words could express. And then I would start to question, to wonder, to doubt. Am I pretty? Am I good enough? Will anybody ever love me? How could anyone love me? This is wrong with me, that I wrong with me, I'm such a failure.. Which most of us struggle to some extent at some point in our lives with something along these lines, and what's most funny here is I thought I was immune to this comparison bug, but I'm not..

My friend recently showed me a youtube video for the self song (found here). And she told me how in high school she, in her head, made of girls who took selfies.. As we had this conversation I thought of myself. Throughout all of high school I always took selfies - I always wanted to try and get a good profile picture, or at least that's what I told myself  - but why did I want a good profile picture? As we sat there I realized I had fallen prey to the comparison platform of social media..

Often times I would take a selfie if I felt pretty, or felt I looked pretty - then if it turned out how I desired I would post it social media - be it facebook or instagram - and then I would wait (and obsessively check for likes). I was desperate to know how many other people thought I looked pretty or beautiful that day.. I was looking for a boost..

I started working in youth ministry this year, and as we would plan women's nights I would get so excited about the topic, but then afterwards (typically the week following the talk) I would realize how I was struggling with given topic. Also, in nursing school we have talked about many of these topics. We talked about body image at youth group, the following week we had a lecture on self-concept in lecture for my nursing class. And then I would realize how actually I was not as comfortable in my skin as I thought I was.. I realized I was needing attention from others in order to feel loved, to feel satisfied..

In this culture, there seems to always be a need to validate our worth. In high school, it was with a relationship. I wanted a boyfriend so bad because then I would know I was loved, I was worthy, I was wanted, I was needed. In social media, we post pictures of ourselves and wait for the likes we can get on photos of us, and for comments about how beautiful we are - and we do this because we feel the need to validate that we are beautiful, and we are loved, and worthy of love.. These are just two examples of many ways that we seek to validate we are worthy of love, maybe for you it's not social media or relationships, maybe it's through sports, or through ministry, or through your work, or maybe you numb yourself to your struggles by getting plastered and having sex on the weekends - regardless of how you seek to validate your worth, your beauty - there is news for you, and there is hope.

As I may have mentioned - I've been struggling with my beauty, with my worth, with my value. I've been questioning and doubting whether I am loved, whether I am wanted or needed.. This lent I gave up wearing yoga pants/leggings to school. I never thought I would be someone who would do that, but it turned out I was. I have been told by my brothers and Christ how hard it is for them to practice self-control when we wear those pieces of clothing, yet I wore them anyway - I chose my own comfort over helping guide my brothers and sisters to life of virtue (and yes it applies to sisters as well in regards to comparison). But everybody at school wears them, so I wanted to wear them.. anyway, I gave them up for lent. And by getting dressed each day, I realized my worth and my dignity were far greater than I was giving myself credit. By dressing in clothes where you can see each muscle contract I was putting myself out there for the world to look at. But my word how good our Lord is! (I knew this was gonna be a long post thanks for stickin' through with me)

I was sitting in adoration this weekend praying through this and processing it - processing what the Lord was speaking to me about selfies, about how I was validating my self-worth in this way. All the while, he is speaking to my heart. He pours his love me... You see, dear friends, we don't need to validate our self-worth, our value, our love

through means of this world. While I was praying I was thinking about how my heart breaks for some of the girls I minister to, my heart breaks when I see them struggle, and I want to fix everything and take away their suffering - and a friend pointed out to me how this mimics the Father's love for us. As I was sitting questioning whether or not I was worthy of love, the Father was and is still watching down on me with his heart breaking that I don't see how wonderfully he made me. His heart breaks for love of us. He desires our happiness, our greatest good. The Lord does not want us to validate ourselves through means of this world but through him, through his love, through his mercy.

You formed my inmost being;

you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made;

wonderful are your works!

My very self you know.

You are beautiful in every way, my beloved,

there is no flaw in you!

Like a lily among thorns,

so is my beloved among women

I formed you.
These words come from scripture - Ps. 139:13-14, Song of Songs 4:7, Song of Songs 2:2, Is. 42:6. These are all words testifying the Father's great love for us. These are all times he is telling us how great his love is for us. These are times he is telling us we worthy of love.. This week is Holy week - Thursday we will reflect on the service of Jesus - on the Last Supper, Friday we will reflect on the suffering Christ willingly took on for our salvation, and Sunday we shall rejoice and be glad for Christ has risen again, he has been victorious, he conquered sin and death. 

Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God
something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross. (Phil. 2:6-8). 

Out of love for us, the Father sent Jesus, the Son, to die for us that we may have redemption, that our sins may be forgiven, that we may share in the love and the of God. For God is love, and he made us out of love.

O God, we thank you and we praise you for all the ways you pour out your mercy in our lives. We are so grateful that you sent your son for the redemption of our souls, to overcome the sin and death instilled in this world by Adam and Eve. Each time we fail, have mercy on us. Give us the grace to get up again, and to seek your face Lord. 

*all pictures were found via pinterest