For the past six weeks God has been revealing much to me about love. It has been an overwhelming theme in my prayer, in my day to day life (thus we are going to have a little series on what God has been teaching me on love). It all started when my heart was broken by a friend, but the goodness of God has overwhelmed me. He is the one satisfaction of my soul.
My heart was broken, in order for me to further grow in love, and to learn more about the love God has for me. In this time hurt that I had to experience, I questioned my own worth. I found myself asking why I wasn't I good enough, what made me unworthy, etc? These questions; however, were not from me nor from God, but the attack on my own dignity, my own worth, and the one in whom my worth and dignity rests.
One night I was really struggling with this and I wrote out my feelings in my journal, and then I cried in my room for a while, and then I decided it would be best for me to not hide away, but seek out someone who loves me and who can uplift. Therefore, I sought out my sisters. When they saw I was upset, they already knew what it was about, and asked if I wanted to talk. I told them no, I just wanted to be with someone, so I rested my head on my sister's leg while she worked and eventually I told them what was going on and how I was feeling and questioning my own worth, and the other girl who was up there started to read to me from Prov. 31:10
"Who can find a woman of worth? Far beyond jewels is her value. Her husband trusts her judgement; he does not lack income. She brings good and not evil all the days of her life. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel. Many are the women of proven worth, but you have extolled them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. "
Our dignity, our worth, our satisfaction - it all rests in the Lord. Our Father in heaven is watching over us, protecting us, guiding us, leading us on a path well marked out for us. He knows when we sit and when we stand (Ps. 139). In order to know the depth of God's love for us we must be broken, so that we can seek him more fully - seek him to satisfy the hunger and thirst of our souls.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday Memo
"Keep your heart very wide to receive in it all sorts of crosses and resignations or abnegations, for the love of Him who has received so many of them for us."
-St. Francis de Sales
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Love, True Love
Love has been on my heart, on my mind, and in my prayer lately.
Today it was cold, blustery, snowy, and after attending 7 am mass this morning I made a decision that I wasn't going to leave the house for the rest of the day...because that just sounded like a terrible idea. So I took up residence on the couch - took my prayer time, applied to jobs, did some reading, and scrolled pinterest for a while. Then I started self-loathing. Woe is me, blah blah blah...crap.
Basically, there was this boy...and I fell for him. He told me all sorts of things that would make a girl think she meant something more to him...and then he started dating someone else. At first I was bitter and angry, then I decided I just needed to forgive him and move on, but now a part of me is like I just miss his friendship. Anyway, so I was thinking about this and sort of dwelling on it. And this thought came to mind: when we really love someone we desire their holiness more than anything else. If we truly love someone, or truly desire something - we should want the best possible life for that person, and we should be willing to let go of our own desire, our own want and truly surrender it to God. I was reading another blog this morning and the author was talking about a time of discernment for her. She was dating a guy, but at the same time feeling a call to religious life, but she had been dating this man for some time. Eventually in her prayer, she came to a point where she desired his holiness more than her desire to be in a relationship with this man. She was ready to step away from the relationship, if that were the will of God, willing to let go of what she desired, willing to let go of what she wanted because she wanted her life be totally the Lord's. She is now married to this man. But the point is that she was in love with the Lord, so much that she was willing to set aside her own wants and desires to fulfill the will of God.
So I was thinking about all of this and a quote from somewhere came to mind so I used my good friend google, I didn't find exactly what I was looking for... well I'm still looking for it, turns our encyclicals are really long! But I came across this quote "All people feel the interior impulse to love authentically: love and truth never abandon them completely, because these are the vocation planted by God in the heart and mind of every human person." Pope Benedict XVI Caritas in veritate
Our vocation is to love. Within every person there is a desire to love and be loved in return, authentically. This is the vocation of the human person: to love. It simply manifests itself in different ways and this is how we have the various different vocations and walks of life. Each of us is made uniquely different, to love and be loved in a particular and unique way. Praise God.
So jump back to the boy that has caused turmoil in my life. As much as I still want this person in my life, and for some reason unknown to me, desire to be friends with him, to love him as the son of God that he is, despite what I may want - I should desire his holiness and growth more than a relationship with him - for that is true love - to desire their growth in holiness, in the perfection of charity more than anything else.
Love, true love, is being immersed in the love of God and more than anything, desiring the person to grow in holiness, to grow closer to God, to grow in the perfection of charity. Love, true love, is being so immersed in the love of God that He completes you, and satisfies your every need. You need nothing else, other than the love of God - and the people in your life simply help to draw you closer to Christ.
Today it was cold, blustery, snowy, and after attending 7 am mass this morning I made a decision that I wasn't going to leave the house for the rest of the day...because that just sounded like a terrible idea. So I took up residence on the couch - took my prayer time, applied to jobs, did some reading, and scrolled pinterest for a while. Then I started self-loathing. Woe is me, blah blah blah...crap.
Basically, there was this boy...and I fell for him. He told me all sorts of things that would make a girl think she meant something more to him...and then he started dating someone else. At first I was bitter and angry, then I decided I just needed to forgive him and move on, but now a part of me is like I just miss his friendship. Anyway, so I was thinking about this and sort of dwelling on it. And this thought came to mind: when we really love someone we desire their holiness more than anything else. If we truly love someone, or truly desire something - we should want the best possible life for that person, and we should be willing to let go of our own desire, our own want and truly surrender it to God. I was reading another blog this morning and the author was talking about a time of discernment for her. She was dating a guy, but at the same time feeling a call to religious life, but she had been dating this man for some time. Eventually in her prayer, she came to a point where she desired his holiness more than her desire to be in a relationship with this man. She was ready to step away from the relationship, if that were the will of God, willing to let go of what she desired, willing to let go of what she wanted because she wanted her life be totally the Lord's. She is now married to this man. But the point is that she was in love with the Lord, so much that she was willing to set aside her own wants and desires to fulfill the will of God.
So I was thinking about all of this and a quote from somewhere came to mind so I used my good friend google, I didn't find exactly what I was looking for... well I'm still looking for it, turns our encyclicals are really long! But I came across this quote "All people feel the interior impulse to love authentically: love and truth never abandon them completely, because these are the vocation planted by God in the heart and mind of every human person." Pope Benedict XVI Caritas in veritate
Our vocation is to love. Within every person there is a desire to love and be loved in return, authentically. This is the vocation of the human person: to love. It simply manifests itself in different ways and this is how we have the various different vocations and walks of life. Each of us is made uniquely different, to love and be loved in a particular and unique way. Praise God.
So jump back to the boy that has caused turmoil in my life. As much as I still want this person in my life, and for some reason unknown to me, desire to be friends with him, to love him as the son of God that he is, despite what I may want - I should desire his holiness and growth more than a relationship with him - for that is true love - to desire their growth in holiness, in the perfection of charity more than anything else.
Love, true love, is being immersed in the love of God and more than anything, desiring the person to grow in holiness, to grow closer to God, to grow in the perfection of charity. Love, true love, is being so immersed in the love of God that He completes you, and satisfies your every need. You need nothing else, other than the love of God - and the people in your life simply help to draw you closer to Christ.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
O Lent
I remember my first lent, 4 years ago. I was a sophomore in high school, and I had just made the decision to go through RCIA and enter the Catholic Church (best decision of my life)... I literally made this decision within a month of the start of lent, and my boyfriend at the time, told me I should do something for lent since I was going to have to do the next year anyway, and I was terrified. I didn't want to sacrifice. I didn't want to give anything up. I didn't want to make myself less comfortable. I don't remember if I even did anything, but I do remember being very distraught by the idea of self-mortification.
Fast forward 4 years - I had a conversation last week with one of my housemates about how excited I was for lent. There has been a lot of spiritual attack in our community, in our house. There have been a lot of trials in the lives of those around me, and in my own life. Lent is such a grace filled period, where we are truly given an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. We should look forward to this time in the Church because it is an opportunity for us to draw closer to God, to receive healing, to unite our wounds to his.
In the last few years I've learned the beauty of lent. I've seen the grace that fills this time of year. It is a time where we are reminded of the deep, intimate, personal love Christ has for us. It is a time where we can make a sacrifice out of love for our God, in order to grow closer to him, in order to seek him more fully. It is also a time of healing. During this season in the Church we reflect on the suffering Christ endured for us, and in this world we, as his disciples experience much suffering, and it is a time where we receive grace and healing by uniting our wounds to his.
This lent, I am going to pray the Stations of the Cross everyday before mass, because I am already blessed enough to be able to attend daily mass, and receive our Savior daily. I'm also doing a few other things, including not watching television alone, if it's done socially, it's okay, but even still encouraging game playing instead. I'm going to limit my social media use, particularly on my phone, and use it only for the purpose of building up the Kingdom of God. Those are just a few ways that I'm going to make changes in my life, to help draw me closer to our Lord.
Some other things I've heard of (in case you still haven't decided even though it's Ash Wednesday): only wearing 7 outfits, I've also heard of just having 2 outfits to alternate between, not looking in a mirror, not wearing make up, not wearing nail polish, pulling your hair back everyday, giving up your bed and sleeping on the floor, completely giving up social media (this is a big one these days!), praying the rosary daily, attend daily mass, more frequent adoration, not taking naps, giving up coffee, giving up meat.
Basically - if there's something you're really attached to, giving it up, as a sacrifice, as a way to draw closer to Christ and rely more fully on Him, rather than on things of this world.
Fast forward 4 years - I had a conversation last week with one of my housemates about how excited I was for lent. There has been a lot of spiritual attack in our community, in our house. There have been a lot of trials in the lives of those around me, and in my own life. Lent is such a grace filled period, where we are truly given an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. We should look forward to this time in the Church because it is an opportunity for us to draw closer to God, to receive healing, to unite our wounds to his.
In the last few years I've learned the beauty of lent. I've seen the grace that fills this time of year. It is a time where we are reminded of the deep, intimate, personal love Christ has for us. It is a time where we can make a sacrifice out of love for our God, in order to grow closer to him, in order to seek him more fully. It is also a time of healing. During this season in the Church we reflect on the suffering Christ endured for us, and in this world we, as his disciples experience much suffering, and it is a time where we receive grace and healing by uniting our wounds to his.
This lent, I am going to pray the Stations of the Cross everyday before mass, because I am already blessed enough to be able to attend daily mass, and receive our Savior daily. I'm also doing a few other things, including not watching television alone, if it's done socially, it's okay, but even still encouraging game playing instead. I'm going to limit my social media use, particularly on my phone, and use it only for the purpose of building up the Kingdom of God. Those are just a few ways that I'm going to make changes in my life, to help draw me closer to our Lord.
Some other things I've heard of (in case you still haven't decided even though it's Ash Wednesday): only wearing 7 outfits, I've also heard of just having 2 outfits to alternate between, not looking in a mirror, not wearing make up, not wearing nail polish, pulling your hair back everyday, giving up your bed and sleeping on the floor, completely giving up social media (this is a big one these days!), praying the rosary daily, attend daily mass, more frequent adoration, not taking naps, giving up coffee, giving up meat.
Basically - if there's something you're really attached to, giving it up, as a sacrifice, as a way to draw closer to Christ and rely more fully on Him, rather than on things of this world.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday Memo: Mother Teresa
We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.
I couldn't decide on just one, so here's a couple to get you going in your week, especially as we prepare for lent!
One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Sufficient Grace
{“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.} 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ. ..Christ breaks His heart to heal ours... thanksgiving is what precedes the miracle of that salvation being fully worked out in our lives. Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - is what prepares the way for salvation's whole restoration." pg 40 One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
As any of my regular readers may know, life has been a little crazy. I'm taking a medical leave of absence from school, I have been diagnosed with Chronic Daily Headaches, and am in physical therapy to help that and just started medication to help as well. In addition, there has been financial struggle, and also my heart broken by the loss of a friend. So in the last month I, at times, felt my life, my world as I knew it was falling apart, and all I could do was seek Christ.
This weekend I was blessed to go on a retreat that I had been on before, and actually play leadership roles this weekend. Anyway, Saturday afternoon we had an opportunity for confession and adoration.
It was by far one of the most powerful adoration experiences I have ever had. Simply resting in the presence of Christ, allowing Him to speak to my heart, and to be content just being in his presence. Not having to say anything, just to be silent and present to the Lord.
In our weakness we are made strong. Give thanks in everything. As challenging as life has been in the trials I have been given, in being shown my own weakness, and in suffering - all is made perfect for God's grace is sufficient. We must give thanks, and rejoice in all things, including suffering for that is how we experience the fullness of life. That is how we find joy in all things. Suffering, hurting - it means we are growing, growing in love. So even though there has been much suffering in my life I can still rejoice because God is about a good work and is further revealing the depth of his love for me.
May we seek Christ in all our trials, and trust that He is leading us closer to himself in the challenges of day to day life - and give thanks that He has made us to serve Him.
"Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ. ..Christ breaks His heart to heal ours... thanksgiving is what precedes the miracle of that salvation being fully worked out in our lives. Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - is what prepares the way for salvation's whole restoration." pg 40 One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
As any of my regular readers may know, life has been a little crazy. I'm taking a medical leave of absence from school, I have been diagnosed with Chronic Daily Headaches, and am in physical therapy to help that and just started medication to help as well. In addition, there has been financial struggle, and also my heart broken by the loss of a friend. So in the last month I, at times, felt my life, my world as I knew it was falling apart, and all I could do was seek Christ.
This weekend I was blessed to go on a retreat that I had been on before, and actually play leadership roles this weekend. Anyway, Saturday afternoon we had an opportunity for confession and adoration.
It was by far one of the most powerful adoration experiences I have ever had. Simply resting in the presence of Christ, allowing Him to speak to my heart, and to be content just being in his presence. Not having to say anything, just to be silent and present to the Lord.
In our weakness we are made strong. Give thanks in everything. As challenging as life has been in the trials I have been given, in being shown my own weakness, and in suffering - all is made perfect for God's grace is sufficient. We must give thanks, and rejoice in all things, including suffering for that is how we experience the fullness of life. That is how we find joy in all things. Suffering, hurting - it means we are growing, growing in love. So even though there has been much suffering in my life I can still rejoice because God is about a good work and is further revealing the depth of his love for me.
May we seek Christ in all our trials, and trust that He is leading us closer to himself in the challenges of day to day life - and give thanks that He has made us to serve Him.
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