For Love of God

You know those weeks where it feels like nothing is going right for you and every day you just want to come home and cry because you're so sad, or upset.... last week was one of those weeks. To start off, I felt sick every time I ate, I was extremely nauseous. I wasn't sleeping well, so I was exhausted. I had a decent sized paper to write. The reality of life hit me - you see, with my job I work with inner city kids, as a tutor at an after school program, and on Tuesday I discovered one of my 4th graders could not read - and my mind was blown, my heart was broken. No wonder this child was acting up all the time. He didn't understand what he was being told. He can't read. He can't do his homework if he can't read. Wednesday I went in to work and talked to the staff about this student, and am being given an opportunity to teach him how to read, which I am ever so grateful for; however, it upsets me that this child has not been given the love he deserves. It blows my mind how many children go unwanted, unloved, not cared for. This upset me much of the week. I couldn't stop thinking about it - how could such a precious, beautiful child - a gift to this world go so unloved - and then how come I have been so blessed?

Well what I realized, slowly, and it's still working in my heart, and settling in - is that God gives us his love. I was talking to my friend about this last night. As most of you know, I converted to Catholicism, and honestly, it was all by chance. My friend who invited me to go on a mission trip - well when we first met we were not friends, that is for sure. But we became friends, and her mom sponsored me, and taught me the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith. It was by divine providence that I kind of fell into the faith. And last night I found myself wondering - why? Why am I so lucky to have found God, why did he choose me to be one of his beloved. And this was well it was eating away at me - and my friend told me "because He knows you can take what he has to give you" and I went on and on - why! Why did God choose me? What do I have? What did I do? Why did he choose me? And this friend's response was that I was the lost sheep and he came back for me.

Sigh. How true this is. I was the lost sheep. He came back for me. He lavished his love on me. He made me, he knows me - my innermost being. He knows my heart and the ability I have to love - to love others, but he knew I couldn't do it on my own. He knew I couldn't do it without his grace.

This week, through all the trials and tribulations, God taught me something, something powerful, that words cannot fully express. But I realized the depth of God's love for me in a new way - in that as undeserving as I am of his love, though day after day I reject his love and turn any other possible thing, he loves me anyway. And he gives me his love, so that I can be an instrument of his love to others on this earth.

Why the Lord chose me - that I do not know, but I do know one thing - all we do, we do for the Love of God, and it is his love that sustains.

 The LORD is our God, the LORD alone!
Therefore, you shall love the LORD, your God,
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5