Reflections

This week is my last full week of classes... what?! And it has led me to reflect a bit on this past semester. It has been quite the journey! I have not ceased to be amazed by the work of the Lord in my life. He has brought me so much healing, joy, and love. I have learned more about who I am and whose I am in the past 4 months than in the last 21 years. Truly I am blessed.

A little over a month ago I turned the Lord in prayer, yelling at Him for giving me a heart filled with an exceptional capacity to love. Shortly following that prayer, the Lord provided an opportunity for me to shadow in a neonatal intensive care unit - I left that day knowing I had found my call in nursing. I fell in love with everything I saw, with the kind of care done on this unit. I knew in a moment that this is what I was built for, In my short time on the NICU I was talking to family of one of the babies and this kind woman said to me "NICU nurses are a special kind of nurse. I've had lots of nurses in my day (she was the baby's grandma) and since we've been in the NICU I've seen nurse who care so much. It takes someone with a big heart." ... ... ... if I could pick one phrase to describe me it would be big-hearted, hands down, no questions asked. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my life - I always loved playing with baby dolls, would pretend to care for babies all the time, it was like all I did with childhood. Clearly, I was built for NICU nursing. But what I'm getting at is the Lord answered my prayer - He very clearly showed me why He gave me such a big heart, such a great capacity to care.

In October one of my friends from high school texted me, and we started chatting. We've been friends for about 6 years now, but there are varying times in our lives when we've made poor decisions and needed space from each other. These texts brought a year and a half of space to a close. Praise the Lord. It has been such a blessing to have this friendship back. When I last needed space from this relationship I had been quite hurt, but I realized, by the grace of God, I have truly been able to forgive him and move forward to love this friend unconditionally, just as the Lord calls each of us to love every person unconditionally. God has gifted me with a great capacity for love, empathy, compassion - these are all things I've known, but I'm seeing them in action, seeing how they affect who I am and how I live my life.

Last week was my last week of clinical. I had a 4 year old as my patient, and she didn't have the best night prior to me caring for her. I was doing her morning care and she told me she had to use the restroom so I was trying to help her get to the bathroom, but she wasn't moving. She just kept lying there... and so I tried a couple of ways to get her up, but she wasn't having it. So I looked at her and asked her if she wanted me to carry her, and she gave the cutest little sad face and nodded her head. So I got us situated so I could carry her and her IV pole and such to the potty, and just step by step helped her do the things she needed to. An hour or so later she perked up and was able to care for herself the rest of my time with her.
I was thinking about this experience as I drove home that day, trying to see Jesus at work in my day. I realized that often times Jesus looks upon us, his children, as I looked upon this child - with love and compassion, and He asks us if we want Him to carry us. Our Lord desires our greater good. He is always ready to forgive. he is always filled with mercy. He is the ultimate example of love, and He loves on us, and cares for us as His little children, as I cared for this little girl.

So I guess my point here tonight is the Lord hears our cry, and He responds. We may not see it in the moment, and it may not be in the way we expect, but He does, and we can hope in that, we can rest easy, knowing and trusting He's got our backs.