Time and time again I am repeating this phrase, throughout the day, every day, especially lately. I'm stubborn. I'm hard headed. And like many others, I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, and how. I like to be in control of situations. I want to know when things are going to move forward, when they're going to change, that they are going to pan out as I'd like. But the thing is, the Lord doesn't always... doesn't usually work that way. Normally He says "just trust me, give me your yes. I will bless it, I will work with it."
The beauty of God is He meets us where we at, and carries us through to the end. We give Him what we are capable of, and He runs with it.
Recently, the God has been asking me to trust Him a lot, and in an extra way, a new way. Here's an example (I think he's testing my trust...)
For school we had to do 10 observation hours. I scheduled 4 the beginning of Oct and 4 the end. However, for my second 4 I was sick and feverish that day - you can't observe at a daycare with a fever - all the moms would've wanted to kill me. The problem is that all the rest of the observation opportunities were filled for the rest of the semester, and I didn't realize we could add a 3rd person to the days. So time kept passing and I hadn't figured out what I was going to do, but the end of the semester was quickly approaching. I saw my friend Maire at another friend's birthday party. Maire works for an early childhood education center for kids with developmental disabilities. I realized that her work fit my need for my observation hours. So I asked her if that could be an option, and she said potentially. The one day I could observe was about 2 weeks out. So we didn't talk practical details, that and it was 1 am when we were chatting. So Sunday before the Tuesday that I was able to observe I touched base with Maire. She said she would have to ask Teresa, her supervisor and would ask her Monday morning. However, Monday Teresa was in meetings all day and Maire wasn't able to ask her. I asked Maire for Teresa's email and emailed her as well. She didn't get back to me until 9 am Tuesday morning. I was a mess from 4 on Monday until 9 on Tuesday. I had no idea how I was going to fill these observation hours. When else could I go? Where else could I go? I kept praying, telling Jesus I trusted Him. I knew He would provide, and He did. He just waited until the last possible second, literally. I just barely met my 10 hour quota. If Teresa had emailed an hour later I would've been short.
Another example - I'm moving out of my current house in the next few weeks, but I'm trying to find a sublet. The girl who is showing interest was supposed to come about an hour ago, but she texted me that something came up and asked if I could do tomorrow. I started to panic. What if this girl doesn't work out? I have no other prospects. I need the living situation change to happen. What am I going to do? And then I remembered I just need to trust the Lord. He's going to provide. He opened my eyes to my need to move. He provided a place to move. He's provided me with support in my friends, my chosen family on this campus. He will provide a way for me out of my house, I just have to keep trusting.
I went to confession earlier this week and the priest left me with picking one way to work on purifying my heart. I was praying in the church after confession and trying to figure out how the Lord wanted to purify my heart, what He wanted me to do... and I was clueless, so I let my brain wheels keep turning and realized how I don't pray the rosary like I used to. I was convicted to pray the rosary every day throughout Advent for the intention of the Lord purifying my heart. I don't know what needs purified. I don't what it looks like or how He is going to do it, but I have expectant, I trust.
The Lord is so good to us. He always provides, but by our human nature, we struggle to trust Him, to trust His providence, to trust His plan. So I just want to leave a couple of scripture verses here as I bring this to a close.
This time of advent is a time of preparation, and of waiting for the coming of our Lord. May we await him with hope, may we prepare our hearts, and hold onto expectant faith that He is about a mighty work in our lives.
Wait for the LORD with courage;
be stouthearted, and wait for the LORD. -Ps 27:14
He will give rain for the seed
that you sow in the ground,
And the wheat that the soil produces
will be rich and abundant. Isaiah 30:23
For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—oracle of the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. Jer 29:11
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
on your own intelligence do not rely;
In all your ways be mindful of him,
and he will make straight your paths. Prov 3:5-6
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