Bringing Light to the Darkness

I recently made a decision to bring to the light an area of darkness in my life. Here in Columbus we started a new women's ministry that deals with sin in the area of sexuality for women - and to bring about healing in this area where so many women have been wounded because of the ways of this world. And I didn't want to do this. I avoided it and literally at the last minute ended up doing it. The group was planning to meet for the first time 8 am Sunday morning and I emailed Saturday asking if there was a way for me to do this this semester. Clearly, the Lord wanted me to do this.

In September we had One Gospel. It's an event put on by St. Paul's Outreach, a ministry I have been involved in for some time now. And we had guest speaker Deacon Ralph Poyo. He's awesome. And he closed talk with a statement saying it doesn't hurt to share his story. He was sexually assaulted as a young child and travels the country sharing his story and the love of God and His healing power in his life. It's truly a gift. Anyway, he said it doesn't hurt when he shares his story anymore and my mind was blown by that. I wanted that. I wanted healing to the point that my heart didn't sting a little when I shared my own story because with my own conversion story I was wounded along the way from a relationship and 5 years later I was still hurting from it sometimes. But the thing was - I was not dealing with this hurt, instead, I was suppressing and burying it.

Finally on that Saturday night something snapped in me that motivated me to take action. I knew this ministry was being offered and I needed it, but I was not wanting to accept this truth.

Praise God for his faithfulness and steadfast love!

Since I started this new chapter in my life, since I brought light to this area of my life I was suppressing and burying I have experienced a new found freedom. Today, I was reflecting on questions for this weeks chapter and I realized I am far more broken than I thought I was. But I also realized Christ's victory. I want to share a few snippets of what has been important to me so far in this journey.

These are just different portions of the readings:

The making of comparison is dangerous for a Christian. We need silence to be able to touch souls. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have become near by the blood of Christ, for He is our peace. Christ reconciled God and made to be one community in peace through the cross. Understanding your identity in Christ is absolutely essential for your success at living a victorious Christian life. No person can consistently behave in a way that's inconsistent with the way he perceives himself. What matters more is not what others say or think of you but what God says and thinks of you. We have to learn how to renew our minds. I have to choose to believe the promise of God and to let these truth permeate my heart. We have trouble learning how to go to the true Comforter as our only source of comfort. I need to abide in who I am in Christ; abide in Him who abides in me. God fully restores me and welcomes me back with open arms. Jesus is always, always, always enough for me. Jesus Christ is victorious. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. When we know we are and whose we are, we receive the peace of Christ and in that peace, from knowing our identity, our hearts and minds are guarded, are protected because we are immersed in Christ's love and mercy. Because of who my Father is I have authority and power in my life to choose to believe the truth that I am God's daughter, his beloved, and his love is enough for me. 

This is just a tidbit of the truth God is beginning to teach me. I am ever thankful for his faithfulness, for his steadfast love, and for his mercy. As I was chatting with a friend about this she suggested memorizing a few verses that you can say in moments when it is hard so that you continue to bring light to the area when you do struggle. So I want to close with those 3 verses.

1. I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. 2 Cor 1:21-22
2. I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected Phil 1:6
3. I may approach God with freedom and confidence Eph 3:12

Everyone Has it Together, Except Me

Have you ever been to a conference, a retreat, a youth group night, where someone gives a talk about the Call to Holiness each of us has, and leave feeling like a complete failure?

Yeah, me too. It seems we hear these talks repeatedly and sometimes - when you feel like you're doing well - you're like YEAH this is awesome!! So true! God is so good! etc... Other times -when struggling with your faith - you're like uh yeah, I've heard this, but I just can't seem to do it, to get there, to be at that point. And we find it frustrating and actually take it out on the person giving the talk (in our heads that is...)

Over the last week or so I've read these gospel passages that have a similar theme, similar plot line and 3 important lessons. Mt 20:1-16, Mt 21:28-32, and Lk 15:11-32, and for good measure, from the Old Testament: Ezekiel 18: 25-28. I encourage to look up these verses and spend time reading & reflecting on them.

A big overarching common theme we see is someone who turns from the Lord (or a metaphorical character representing God), or say no to his desire, but in the end they return, they choose the Lord, they say yes to God. And from these parables there are 3 take aways.

1. God's mercy and readiness to forgive.
In Luke the Father see the lost son returning from far away and begins to run towards him to embrace him, to greet him, fully ready to welcome him back into the royal family - giving a robe and throwing him a party. The Father (God) greets the lost son (us) already having forgiven him and showing him unconditional love. The Father does this for us - we are his girls; his daughters.

In Mt 20 we see God's mercy. The owner of the vineyard gave the same pay to the men who worked 8 hours as he did to the ones who worked 1 hour. In this way his mercy is shown, particularly to those men who looked all day and found none, until this owner took them in and cared for them. We search endlessly through things of this world working to be fed, to be sustained, and the Lord has mercy on us, and gives us what we need.

In Mt. 21 we see a son who tells the father, no I will not go do as you ask(aka I will not be obedient). However, the son later changes his mind and does the work of the Father. This is us. This is me at some point every day. This morning I sat back in my bed to pray, and I knew it was a bad idea today. I knew I should have sat at my desk, but I didn't listen to my body and I sat back in my bed so I fell asleep praying and then my morning got thrown off because I fell back asleep during my prayer and ended up being late (or rather right on time...) for clinical this morning. We all have moments throughout our day where the Lord gives us little nudges to choose him - we also have big moments, like breaking up with a significant other and knowing we should do it for a long time but choosing not to because we fear the unknown. But the thing is God is a god of mercy and compassion. In this passage it says tax collectors and prostitutes are making it into the Kingdom of Heaven - why is that? Because they eventually recognize their wrong and change their mind, change their path and follow the Lord (see Lk 7:36-50).

2. His patience with his children. 
In each of these, especially the 1st and 3rd, there is a time of God waiting for the child to return, to realize their error and return to him. This is because God gave us free will. And he is patient with us, in waiting for us to realize his goodness and choose his will, his way - to come to know He is the way, the truth, and the life

3. He is victorious!
On Sunday I was talking with some women about why the Lord allows some bad things to happen, and why he lets sin happen especially in certain areas of life. And our discussion ended with the fact that if He allows us to fall here, then he must be victorious over it. He would not have given us free will here if he were not greater than the darkness we are fighting.

So have hope! Have courage! have faith! have confidence in our God! Start small. Be patient with yourself, and those around you. Trust in his victory from the cross & resurrection.

I started this off talking about those moments when we feel like a complete failure in regards to living our faith, and then I went on talking about ways to combat the challenges we face. I don't point these things out because I'm perfect at them...I'm not. I make mistakes. I still struggle. I slept through my morning prayer time today - I fall. The people who we hear give talks, they fall, I'm sure of it. Dust yourself off, pick yourself back up, and get back on the bandwagon. Perhaps you phone a friend, Jesus didn't go at it alone - he had the apostles. The apostles didn't go at this alone, they had each other - and the many other disciples (followers) of Jesus. He doesn't expect you to go at it alone. Take it day by day. It comes with time. Daily prayer is a daily battle. Living virtue is a daily battle. God is merciful, he is compassionate. He is patient. He is victorious. Praise be!

Make the Ugly Beautiful

I went to Adoration tonight and the image of flowers at the bottom of the alter, holding Jesus struck me. You see, I've been struggling to lay down some of my burdens and allow Christ to take control. So I wanted to share this with you all. The good Lord takes all things and makes them beautiful, no matter how ugly or awful it may seem, there will be good that comes of it, for our God is a God of mercy and love.



Father, may we trust forever in your perfect plan and find hope in your love and mercy.

God of Love; God of Mercy

My dear brothers & sisters in Christ,

The Lord has been speaking, at great length, to my heart, how he is a God of love.

In this time, it is easy to view our God as judgmental, for we know that on the last day, we will face the judgment of God. However, the judgment which we will experience will not be what we expect.When we view our God as "the judge" it becomes harder to view him as he truly is. It is easy to see God as a "kill-joy" because we feel we can't participate in the things of this world. It's not a good thing to go party. We, who desire to live our faith as radical Christians cannot live a "normal" life. This often a struggle for me.

However, there is hope! Our God is a relentless God. He never gives up on us. He is continually with us, reigning in our hearts, directly us to complete his will. There will be bumps in the road. There will be challenges, but the good Lord will be by our side the entire journey, pouring his love & mercy into our hearts.

I want to share with you a time where I intimately experienced God's love. It occurred about a year ago. We were in adoration, at the start of a mission trip, and leading up to the trip I had really been struggling with loneliness. It had been a rough couple months, and I felt totally alone, in a place where I was surrounded by people. I took this all to prayer. I laid it before God, and placed it all on his alter. In doing so I was compelled to simply sit in silence before our Lord. Normally, this was a hard thing for me to do. I had to be praying my rosary or writing in my journal, but in that moment the Lord was calling me to be still; to be silent. During this silence he began to heal my heart. He began to open my eyes, to the love I was missing - his love. I was blessed with a vision of the Lord. He stood with arms open, welcoming me into his most Sacred Heart. What I distinctly recall is the image Jesus had. He was in white, in his glory, and his Sacred Heart was visible, but instead of one hand touching his heart, both were open to welcome me, to welcome me home. In this time, I was fully united to our Lord, and we were dancing. It was a beautiful moment in my life, that I would never forget - prominently because of the way the Lord lavished his love on me, and the way he revealed his love for me to me.

I know the Lord loves each of his children in this same way. Because of this, my dear brothers & sisters, I encourage you to look at God as a God of love and a God of mercy. See him as a God who is forgiving, who is relentless, who is all love, and only desires you well-being.

Seek out this God of love. Seek out his mercy. Allow him to lavish you in his love.

May God bless you.