A Culture Killing Itself

It's another one of those nights where I've set up camp in my bed. Normally I would have a cup of tea in hand, but we're trading out for a glass of water tonight, gotta stay hydrated! A lot has happened in the last 2 weeks since I posted. I went on vacation with two of my close friends, and past roommates. Sarah, who I grew very close with, and I said goodbye to each other Tuesday morning, where I proceeded to sob in my living room for a little while.

But this isn't actually what I want to talk about today. I know I've written about this before, but I wanted to write again on the topic of anxiety and depression. When we got off our plane I checked facebook only to see that Robin Williams, a favorite childhood actor of mine, had passed away. By the time Sarah saw I was passed the shocked stage, and unfortunately my shock stage was very short lived. My shock stage was short lived because it seems every other week or so (literally), I'm finding another friend who struggles with anxiety/depression/etc. Granted, I didn't know Robin Williams personally, as I do these friends, but it is becoming such a common place thing that I'm not shocked anymore when it's in the news that someone committed suicide. That is sad. There are no other words. Mental illness is becoming a thing that consumes our culture. And it is an illness, it is a disease - and one of the few that we don't know a ton about, and one that's very unique to the individual. There is no known cure, no quick fix, no easy solution. It's a day to day journey, a battle. There will be good days, there will be bad days. Yes, there's a suicide hotline, but in the moment, someone who is to the point of attempting suicide is most likely not going to be calling a help hotline.

First - the stigma associated with mental illness needs to stop. Point blank. They are sick just like someone with cancer is sick. They need love, compassion, empathy, encouragement, patience, a listening ear. They do not need someone telling them to snap out of it, or that it's just a phase, or well you just need to be happier. No. No. No. That does not work. A listening ear, a person they can trust is what they need. The thing is, with mental illness, it has to be the struggling persons choice to get help. They may need someone to tell them to get help, and to encourage them to seek professional help, but it won't get better, they won't start healing until it's their choice to treat their illness. And then, that's a whole new journey. A friend of mine had a relative who had been fighting depression for 8 years recently commit suicide. He was going to therapy, he was taking medication, he had a good support system - they never found a regiment that worked for him. It's a disease with a lot of unknowns.

The problem I see with this disease is partially our culture. Our culture causes us to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to reach an unattainable standard of perfection. For men - it's success, make your way to the top, make the big bucks, own a house, own a fancy car, have lots of women.. For women there's the physical body image - be tall, thin, tan, blonde hair, blue eyes, clear skin - no blemishes, and then there's getting an education & having a career while also getting married, having babies, raising a family with well rounded kids who do 4 different extra curricular activities.. No wonder people are struggling with anxiety, depression, suicide, etc. We're putting so much pressure on ourselves. We're sacrificing our sleep, our bodies need for play and rest, for proper nutrients. And no wonder famous people are struggling too - look at the pressure they have put before them... so no, I wasn't shocked when he died, but was sad, was heartbroken, and was frustrated that this disease got another person.

I could keep going on how I feel about all of this, about how frustrated I am that this is where our culture is going, but I'm going to stop there, and now I want to talk a little bit about my own experience, and what we can do.

I have really bad anxiety, and some level of seasonal depression. I actually black out tests from my mind. I take a test, leave the room, and forget everything on the exam - forget the experience of taking the exam... I basically black out when it comes to taking exams. I let myself get so worked up at the fear of failing that I black out...hmmm, not good. I started having chronic daily headaches almost 2 years ago. I had a chronic

headache for 5 1/2 months. Yep. Anxiety/depression related. I over committed myself, so I over worked myself, sacrificed my body, my sleep - and wound up in excessive amounts of pain for a long period of time. As I mentioned, my depression is more a seasonal thing... winter and I aren't friends. I need the sunshine more than I realized. As I continue to grow, I'm learning this about myself - it's a journey and I don't know all the answers. Anyway, with the depression there are days when it has taken all the energy I have just to make it to the few commitments I may have in a day... and it takes me longer to re-coop too. There was a time in my life, about 6 years ago, where I contemplated suicide - I caught myself and called a friend before it got too far, praise God. but it's a time of my life I will never forget. It's a time I learned a lot from.

That's my personal anecdote with this, but I have also been side by side with many others, and been their person in a time of need. One of my roommates through these college years has chronic depression, one of my best friends through high school had really bad anxiety when she started college that greatly affected our friendship, one of my friends I took to the ER for a panic attack, another friend has a brother with anxiety and post-traumatic stress syndrome from tours in Iraq & Afghanistan, high school girls (multiple) who I was a mentor to this year fight a battle or have a family who fight a battle with this. So what have I seen, learned, experienced that worked.

Patience and love. In my darkest days, I felt so unloved and unwanted that I didn't see the point to my life. I felt no one would notice if I was gone - so love. Checking in on a friend, especially if they have confided in you with this struggle, and you haven't heard from them in a while. If you know they're having  bad day and one thing that might make it bearable is for someone to cook them dinner and cuddle with them while watching a movie, then make that a priority, and make sure they know they're loved. If you know they feel loved when they get a letter, make a point to write them a letter on a regular basis. Learn how they experience love, learn what makes them know they are loved, and try to do that for them.

Patience. We absolutely must be patient. It's easy to get frustrated when a person is telling you about the same problem over and over again, and you tell them what they need to do, but they refuse to do it - do not back out on them. They need you. They need you to keep telling them to do this. Eventually it will sink in.

And be patient. My friend who has the brother with anxiety and ptsd told me that seeing me struggle with anxiety and being able to see a parallel from me to him helped her to see this disease at work. Helped to see her brother in a different light (I think that's the best wording). She saw me patient with him, she saw me pointing out ways his behavior was similar to mine when my anxiety was bad, when I was having off days. So if the anxiety results in blow ups, be patient, listen, but judge if a response may be necessary, because sometimes the vocalization, the listening ear is all that's needed to make someone feel better.

You can not save someone. This was the lesson I had to learn with my friend from high school. She would talk to me about her anxiety and I would try to fix it. I wanted to come in a be her Savior... but the thing is, only Jesus can be Savior. And the other thing is Jesus gave us medicine. People have made discoveries with antidepressants, anti-anxiety for a reason. There are therapists and people doing research to find solutions because God placed them on this earth. I'm not saying prayer is not an option, I'm saying the solution to battling this disease is a balance.

Balance is key - sleeping well, playing, resting, relationship-building, friendship-making, exercise, eating healthy, etc. Balancing all of these with working too is what is necessary to combat this disease.

So if you know someone battling against mental illness don't shun them, love them. Be a listening ear, be patient. And pray. Pray for peace of mind and of heart. Pray for healing. Pray for good healthcare professionals. Pray for good healthcare.

If you're reading this, and you share in this battle with me know I am praying for you. Know on my bad days I try to think of you, of all who suffer, and unite my suffering. It seems that when we do things outside of ourselves it helps a little. Jesus suffered and died on the cross out of love for you and me. We can unite our tough days to his suffering and agony. We are not alone in this battle, you are not alone in this battle. Know you will always have me as a listening ear, and a warrior by your side.

St. Dymphna, patron of mental illness, pray for us!