I was going to write this series a little more consistently, but life got in the way. So here's part 2! You can read part 1 here. I talked mainly about what love is and how Christ is the ultimate example of love. I want to talk a little more about our brokenness, and how our brokenness causes us to think we're unworthy of love.
We all of these questions in our hearts we want to be answered. For women it's Am I captivating? Am I beautiful? Am I worthy? For men it's do I have what it takes? Am I strong enough? Am I enough? As children we turn to our parents to answer our questions - especially our dads. I was blessed, my dad never really did anything that made me think he didn't love me. Rather, he lavished love on me, he always provided for my every need... I am daddy's princess. He gets me flowers and chocolate for Valentine's day. He let's me know I matter. But often dad's fail in this area - they don't let their children know they are loved, they don't answer the question of their children. And by our questions not being answered we become broken. We lose confidence. We lose self-esteem. And if our parents don't wound us, someone else will because we live in a broken world, filled with imperfect people. And then there's also Satan, who doesn't like it very much when we come to know the love of Jesus - and he also tries to interfere - to make sure we get wounded, in hopes we won't turn to Jesus but will reject the love of the Lord instead.
For me, there are a couple of stories I could tell. But I think the biggest point of woundedness in my heart came from those middle school years - 6th grade to be precise. A couple big things happened that year. I had a friend who would be my BFF one day and the next day she would tell me we couldn't be friends because of reason x,y,z - her reason boiled down to "you're too broken for us to be friends" or "you're not good enough to be my friend". And then a week later she would tell me she was wrong and ask to be friends again - so I would forgive her, we would be BFF's again only for a week or two later to repeat. Around the same time this was happening my dad started travelling for work and I felt like he was leaving me sometimes - though I know that's not true, it's still how I felt.
This wound of constantly being told I was not good enough or was too much to handle has continued to carry weight in my life. Even to this day - I lack confidence. I am often filled with fear. I fear failure. I don't want to displease people. I don't want to overwhelm people with my problems. I don't feel like I deserve love people offer me. I have a friend who I text on a bad day to vent and when I'm done venting I often send an apology text for 'dumping all my issues on them' and they always tell me it's okay - everyone needs someone to talk to, to listen to them.
Moral of the story - we're all broken. We all have times we don't feel worthy of love offered to us. Women don't feel worthy of love when someone tells them they're not beautiful or not worthy or are too much to handle. Men feel unworthy... or maybe undeserving of love because they feel they are not strong enough or failed to provide in some manner for some person. I want to leave this post telling you that you are not alone in your feelings of unworthiness. There is hope for Christ rose from the dead, more on that to come!
God bless!
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