The Moments I Question

I was just spending my afternoon avoiding doing school work because I know I have a full day of it tomorrow, and just can't take in more information right now nor think about one of my classes because it elicits so much frustration. So instead I scrolled facebook and I found this video http://sfglobe.com/?id=14971&src=share_fb_new_14971

And by the end I was sobbing. In order to understand the rest of this post you'll have to watch the video.

For school I'm in my ob gyn rotation. I spent the last 2 weeks on a labor and delivery unit - so I've seen 3 births. And we talked about death in our ob lecture as well. As I watched this video I thought of it mainly from the nurses stand point. I have loved labor and delivery more than I thought I would. It brings me so much joy to welcome new life into this world, and a nice perk is the independence these nurses have - which is just good for me I think... I do best when my tasks and roles are crystal clear and that is most definitely the case on a labor and delivery unity. So I have this hope, this dream now to one day be an OB nurse. But as I watched this video - during the labor they showed glimpses of the mom sobbing while she was laboring and birthing her child - they didn't know how long he would live, how much time they would have with their son. And I tried to imagine how I would be a nurse for a patient in those shoes. How would I maintain professionalism? The answer - I don't know if I could - I think that in cases like this I would cry with my patient. My heart ached physically for this family and I don't know them. I cannot imagine what I would do in a real life situation.

However, the reality is that in any field of nursing there is death and dying, there is suffering, there is hurt - and as a nurse you are the advocate, the caregiver, counselor and so much more. You have a unique relationship with your patient. And my heart is filled with compassion and empathy. Caring is the one thing I am really really good at. That's why I wanted to be a nurse. That's it. My main deciding factor, my main motivation is that I wanted to be able to help other people, to care for other people. What better to do that than nursing? And the reality is that I will hurt with my patients. I will get attached to a patient and be cold for some time until I heal again and it'll repeat. Whatever field of nursing you're in, you will be impacted by your patients and you will have patients that you will never forget. And you'll cry with your patients and you'll laugh with your patients..

But the moments where I place myself in the shoes of the nurse caring for the mother of this video - those moments when I cry over a video telling a story of someone else's experience I question and I doubt whether or not I am cut out for this. I question whether I can do this. But I think that if we didn't question whether or not we could do this, we wouldn't be in the field for the right reasons. I think moments where we question and doubt we're allowing ourselves to be human, and to be reminded why we want to do what we want to in the first place. And this can really be applied to anything - nursing, teaching, marriage, etc.

Today I was reminded why I want to do what I want to do, and today I'm going to let it give me strength to endure the challenges placed before.