To Write Love on Her Arm

"To Write Love on Her Arm" is a campaign that was started in March of 2006. It was started to help people who struggle with depression, addiction, self arm, etc. If you want to read more about the organization click here. I am so grateful for organizations like, for campaigns like this - to bring to light the struggle of mental illness. I'm thankful because we see people band together to show support, to show love, to show encouragement, to let each person know that they are loved, they are wanted on this earth, that at least one other person desires their greater good.

Each of us deserves to know we have worth, we have dignity. I remember my own struggle in high school with this, and a continued struggle since then - but at it's worst I remember sitting in my room wanting to not go on, wanting to take my own life. So days like today are always so surreal for me. They bring back these

old memories, these old scars - but they also offer hope because I see how far I have come.

I also remember when one of my friends used a razor to cut the words love and hope into her arms - one in each wrist/forearm. I remember us (her friends) being upset because we loved her, and didn't want her to harm herself.

When Robin Williams died I spent a lot of time reflecting on this and I wanted to share again what I posted on facebook:

For the last few days I've been thinking about Robin Williams death... who hasn't? And being someone who struggles with depression/anxiety I have a variety of thoughts that are hard to organize.... first of all, I wasn't that shocked. It seems each day I'm finding another person, another friend struggling with mental health, with depression, and anxiety. We put so much pressure on ourselves to attain perfection, to try and make the big bucks, that it doesn't surprise me that stars also struggle with this - there is just as much pressure for them, if not more, to reach this height of perfection. And depression/anxiety - it's not something you can snap out of, it's not something you can control. You can manage it with medication, with lifestyle choices, but sometimes you're going to have a bad day, and that's just gonna have to be okay. 

It's sad to me that depression/anxiety/suicide is such a common thing in my life that I'm not surprised. There's little I can do to fix it though. For those who struggle, it has to be their choice to get the help, to make the changes they need. We can be there, we can be present, we can be a listening ear, we can speak truth, we can be a source of encouragement, a source of hope, a person of patience, a person of love, compassion, and empathy, but more than anything we can pray. Pray for those who struggle, pray for an end to this illness, pray for peace, pray for good doctors.

So to those in my life, to those reading this who hurt in this way, know I'm praying for you. Know I am uniting my own suffering to yours, for the better of the kingdom. Know you are not alone. Know you will always find a listening ear in me.. 

My closing thoughts on this I guess are to encourage you to not give up. If you're fighting this battle, don't

give up. Please. There are people here who want to help you and who love you. You have to keep fighting. You have to keep searching to find a doctor or a person in general who can help you, who clicks with you. 

Last week I met with a professor who helps people with test anxiety... but test anxiety isn't that far off from anxiety in general.. and I have anxiety in general too it's just heightened during tests. Once I met with this professor we talked about 3 key points - the overall goal I have to accomplish is to get myself to calm down when I start to panic in exam. In order to work on that I have to work through a centering breathing practice where I take 5 minutes to breathe and relax each day. The idea behind it is get me really good at calming myself down through breathing by taking  a long time to do so I can train my body to do it a lot faster with time. The other part of working on this is to bury the negativity. My anxiety got to a point where I was giving up on exams knowing I was just going to get worked up during it and probably end up getting a lower score than I would like. So I have "bury the negativity" and focus on the positive. I am to visualize success, have confidence in myself - and see myself getting a 90...which is about 12 percentage points higher than what I average. 

I don't know if this is actually going to work 100% or not, but I hope it does. Once you recognize and admit to struggling with this - depression, anxiety, addiction, etc - you have to find someone to help you work through it and to hold you accountable to doing the work required for it. 

If you don't struggle in this area, Praise be to God. If you do, Praise be to God. It's all a part of the journey of life. It all serves a purpose, we can grow and learn from it. Be a person of support, encouragement, and love. Help to build a culture with a positive mindset, rather than negative. Be uplifting. Love one another. 

"I just want to be enough," she said. He gazed at her from the cross, "I died on this cross to prove just how enough you are." (from made in his image facebook page). 

"I just want to be enough" are words that run through my mind all the time...it's always either I want to be enough or I am too much - but this covers it all - Jesus, arms stretched on the cross he is enough - he takes it all - our imperfections, our broken expectation, our of being too much & not enough. He is the peace in our troubled sea. 

Often when we feel like harming ourselves, or are struggling in the ways listed above it's because we feel broken, we feel like we'll never amount to anything or we feel our brokenness is too much to share with another person, but like I say above Jesus is enough. He gave himself up for us, so that we might have hope, we might be healed, we might find a place to call home in his love and mercy.