MY Plan is NOT GOD'S Plan

Tonight was one of those nights where I was super tired. I was out late last night, I moved today, by all reason and logic I should be exhausted, and should have crashed, which was my full intention. Then, I curled up in my bed with netflix, all ready to go night-night... and next thing I knew I was wide awake... So I decided it was a good night for some blogging. My night has now turned into what is actually one of my favorite nights. I ate some popcorn, made some tea and started playing my 'Come Thou Fount' pandora station (I think everyone should have this station).

A couple weeks ago I was at the Steubenville Youth Conference as a chaperon with the youth group I've helped with for the past year. The last time I was at a Steubenville Conference was 5 years ago. I was going into my junior year of high school. I had just finished RCIA and was preparing my heart and body to receive the sacraments in September. The last time I was at a Steubenville Conference I was dating this guy who I thought was the bees knees. I was 16. Being back on the campus of Franciscan University for this conference, and not being where I thought I would be was very surreal.

Five years ago I thought I would be married to my "high school sweetheart", living in a house he built in the woods with one or two kids. Though we were young, we took our relationship very serious. So what I'm getting at is that today I am not anywhere near where I thought my life was going to take me 5 years ago. And this thought has been recurring a lot to me over the last week or so as I continue to reflect on my life.

After going on this conference I started praying every day, on my own.. without anyone encouraging me or really directing me. I read scripture and prayed a decade of the rosary. Shortly after (very shortly), the guy calls me one morning to tell me well - we aren't supposed to be together anymore. And I was... well... the short version is a hot mess.. so we'll leave it at that.

BUT so. much. goodness... so much goodness came from this. As heartbroken and devastated as I was, I know this was a good thing. I kept turning to God. It was quite the battle for me to heal from the hurt, after consuming myself with this relationship, but the goodness came in that the good Lord was able to fill the void left from the ending of this relationship. It took me a long time to heal, and slowly but surely I began drawing closer to God and allowing him to heal me..

Today - I'm single, but in love with the Lord, and satisfied by him (most days... nobody's perfect..). I'm in

nursing school. I have an amazing group of friends. I know there's a lot I still need to learn. I know I still need to grow in virtue, in selfless sacrificial love. I'm not where I planned my life out to be 5 years ago. I'm not where I thought I would be, but I would not want to be anywhere else.

Today, one of my best friends got engaged. She is my sister. She knows my heart, my struggles, and I know hers. She is beautiful. And watching this relationship unfold, has been a beautiful gift, and a beautiful testament to God's plan not being our plans for ourselves. This part of her journey in her life helped me to see God's infinitely perfect timing. Her now fiance came into her life at the right time, with where she was at with school. Their budding friendship started just before her final year of school, almost exactly a year ago. And with all she's told me about this relationship, it was so clearly God's will. So much peace came with it.

So the lesson of the week, my plan is not God's plan, but God's plan is infinitely greater than what I could plan for myself.