Feeling Inadequate?

I'm quite convinced that nursing school (well school in general) is designed to make you feel inadequate and incompetent. I know I frequently feel that way - and felt especially inadequate today. We learned about cardiac disease, fluid and electrolyte imbalance, and the acid-base buffer system our bodies have, but it's not content you get the first time around, by just sitting in lecture. It's stuff you have to go over and over again and so it's easy to begin feeling inadequate.

As I mentioned, I felt extremely incompetent in class today. I began to doubt my ability to pass my classes, to doubt my ability to become a nurse. I found myself believing that I couldn't do this, and would never succeed in reaching my dream of being a nurse. Because of this feeling of inadequacy I came home and hit the books. I wanted to get this, I wanted to understand. I wanted to give myself a chance and put forth effort in order to do so.

After dinner, I went down to the prayer room having decided that I wanted to let myself take a little break so I prayed evening prayer, read through the mass readings, and prayed a rosary. While I was praying my rosary I really began reflecting on my feelings of inadequacy today, and how Christ overcame - how he has won the victory.

Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart's desire. Ps 37:4 was a verse that stood out to me last night, and kinda stuck with me through today, and this really encompasses how Christ wants our greatest good. He wants to give us the desire of our heart, for he was the one who placed it there. 

Today's mysteries were the joyful, because it's Monday so we reflect on The Annunciation, The Visitation, The Birth of Jesus, The Presentation of the Child Jesus, and The Finding in the Temple. Throughout the whole rosary I kept looking up at the crucifix and reflecting on how much Christ loved me - so much that He died for me. And then when I got to the third mystery, the birth of Jesus, I realized once more how he came as a child, innocent and pure, out of love for me, and every other person who has ever walked on this earth. 

I recently went on a retreat where we had to pick out of a bowl a title from the Litany of the Holy Name of Jesus and the title I got was Jesus our refuge. This evening, I took a little extra prayer time because I couldn't make it to mass, and I realized how Jesus was my refuge. I may have been feeling inadequate today, but I turned to Jesus. I sought refuge in him. The psalm today says "I lift up my eyes toward the mountains; whence shall my help come to me? My help is from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." Ps 121. And the Gospel proclamation today "Rejoice and be glad; for your reward will be great in heaven" (Matt 5)  

So what is that I want to get across here? Well, we all feel inadequate at various points for various reasons whether it be school, struggling with a particular sin, struggling with a crush on a particular person, perhaps laziness, or greed, jealousy or envy, self-confidence - really, we all feel inadequate at various points for various reasons - but Christ is our refuge, our refuge. In Him, we can rejoice - so delight in the Lord, for he gives you the desire of your heart. Lift your eyes to the Lord, he is your help. Rejoice and be glad, despite trial for when we struggle we know we are fighting for something more - and God will reward us for each battle we fight for each soul. Turn to Christ, our refuge, and he shall flood you with peace, and overflow your heart with such love - reminding you to whom you belong, and that the victory of your battle has already been won. 

May the good Lord bless you, and pour out abundant grace into your life and soul.