Lord, I am not Worthy

Today's gospel comes from Matt 8:5-11, it says “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof;
only say the word and my servant will be healed."

Jesus responds to this statement commending the man for his faith. The centurion knew the power God has to heal, but I want to pause on this statement for a moment - I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof. Every week at mass, before receiving communion we say this prayer, asking the Lord to have mercy on us and forgive us for our sins. But what I wonder is why did the centurion not want Jesus to enter under his roof? Was afraid? Was he hiding something? What was holding him back from experiencing the full presence of Christ in his home? 

Each week we pray "Lord I am not worthy that you shouldered under my roof but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." But how often are we not fully letting The Lord into our hearts?  I know we all are hurt from experiences in our life, so what is it that we think is too messy or too much for God to handle? What is holding you back from knowing him more?

As I was praying about this I realized for me it came down to confidence. The lord has shown me how I was lacking confidence in my identity as his daughter outside of my catholic community of friends, so I asked my small group to pray for me in this area of my life and it has already bore much fruit but I know that I am still held back in my relationship with Christ and I realized that I also am not confident and am not trusting that he does have a perfect plan, I am not allowing the words of Jeremiah 29:11 to ring true, and I fear that my hopes and seams will not come true, that the desires of my heart will not be granted, that God will not come through. 

So now that I know this, what can I do? I can pray against it - I can pray against this fear and trust in gods providence and in his grace.

I encourage all of you to reflect on your life, what's holding you back in your relationship with Christ? What keeping you from knowing the fullness of his love? 

Happy advent friends! Well wishes as we joyfully anticipate the coming of the child Jesus!