The past 24 hours in essence have been slow and boring, which is nice sometimes to have these lazy days where I can sleep until noon and not have a care in the world. However in my head I have been miserable. It's been one of those times where my head can't stop spinning. I'm trying to just trust in God and let Him lead, but I keep freaking out. I keep panicking. How am I going to tell my parents if God calls me to NET? Where am I going to go to college? What will I be like? Why does it seem that when I make a decision to not date any guys this year and truly mean it that there are countless being seemingly thrown at me, in essence? You see, God works in mysterious ways. First he brought me to this wonderful guy who brought me to the church, I fell in love with him and wanted to be with him the rest of my life, but that's not what God had in store. I was devastated and a complete mess for almost a year, however this summer God showed me it's okay to love with one person. Then the Lord showed me a few others to say, hey there are good guys out there, but He's now saying don't worry about dating. To me, there is not a point in dating in high school because dating is to discern marriage and if you are called to marry a certain person, and I'm not ready for that yet, which is why I'm taking this year to focus on friendship and only view the guys I meet, the guys I know as brothers in Christ, and nothing more. However, the problem: this is becoming more of a challenge than I ever thought it would be. I now have a great guy who really likes me, but I know we're not ready to date yet. He needs time to grow with Christ and mature, and I need to begin to figure out what my life is going to look like, even though I'll never really know, but a general idea would be nice. Plus my grandpa is ill and I need to be here for my family and focus on friendship, continuing to grow in sisterhood with my wonderful friends who have helped me, with Christ, to put the pieces that make me who I am together again. I also have to make HUGE decisions this year pertaining to my future. For me, having a boyfriend, a guy by my side to support me and help me and push me sounds great, but I know it won't be what I need because the only person I really need at my side is Christ and He will always be there. And so I guess tonight I don't have much insight for you all, but rather am trying to sort out what to do because I feel so torn in my heart at what to do. Well, I guess I'll just keep praying and keep trusting in Christ and allowing Him to reign in my heart, to lead me and to guide me, imploring the intercession of the saints and angels and hope that whatever happens is God's will and I won't interfere. Again tonight I would like to remind you all that prayer is crucial to our lives, most especially when we have life changing decisions to make, but all the time because it's how we know Christ!
God bless!
In Jesus&Mary,
Amber
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=St5tz4Pxdhs
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