Give Thanks 2013

I've been quiet the last few weeks, really enjoying my Christmas break, but this evening, I'm really starting to get fired up about a couple of things that I am exceptionally passionate about. One of them is joy. I see so much suffering in my work, and in the field (nursing) that I want to go into, that I know I can only get through life relying on strength of Christ, and seeking joy in my day to day life. And as I have been scrolling my facebook newsfeed I see these posts "well 2013 is coming to a close, it was a crappy year, I hope 2014 is better." I could say that, but I don't want to. I don't want to dwell in the negative aspects of my life.

In October of 2012 I got a headache, it was nothing out of the ordinary, until 2 months later I still had it. From Oct 2012 until April of 2013 I struggled and fought with a chronic headache. That equates to five and a half months of chronic pain. I slept a lot. I went to physical therapy. I lost weight unnecessarily. But I sought Christ, I sought joy. I learned more than I ever thought possible. So I want to take time to reflect on the good of 2013.

• I found healing from my headaches
• I was able to attend daily mass for 5 months and frequent confession and adoration
•  I got  a job in a hospital
• I experienced healing in my relationship with my mom 
• I experienced healing in my relationship with a dear friend 
• I started going back to school full time. 
• I stopped needing 12 hours of sleep a day
• I got all A's my first semester back 
• I learned the importance of taking care of myself 
• I learned to find joy in the little things in life
• coffee steaming in the sun
• sun shining in through a window
• bubbles while doing dishes
• warm hugs
• I learned to find God in the daily grunge of life. 
• I learned about what it means to me to be a woman
• I was blessed with a wonderful small group 
• I found a ministry that I love doing
• I discovered my passion for female ministry
• I found how much I love caring for patients
• I realized more of my own gifts and talents. 

So I ask you - what are you grateful for? What made 2013 a good year for you? How will you rejoice? What has the Lord taught you and how have you grown?

On Suffering

I've been wanting to do this for a while, but lacked motivation and time.. since my semester ended yesterday I now have rested and have some time to write.

It seems I've done a lot of reflection on suffering in my life, and particularly in my walk with God. As you may know, I converted. Very early in my conversion, before my baptism actually, I experienced a great wound of my heart. I had been dating a guy and allowed him to become my whole world, when we broke up I was a mess, and alone, aside from God. I was suffering on a very emotional level. Because I felt like I was suffering a lot, I reflected on the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary more than any other. A year later my grandpa was dying of cancer, he died in September of 2010. As my mom was suffering, and he was suffering, I often found myself reflecting on the sorrowful mysteries. Sorrow and suffering seemed to be a very prominent part of my life. I am convinced that in those times the Lord really gave me a special heart and a special grace for suffering, but it has also taken me some time to learn how this grace helps make me who I am, and how to make it work, but still live a life of joy and hope. I remember meeting with the pastor at my parish one day and telling him how I was struggling and he told me I was lacking hope. Ever since that day hope has become a very special virtue. You see, hope and suffering/sorrow go hand in hand. You cannot endure suffering without the hope of the resurrection.

I said I believe the Lord has given me a special heart for suffering, and this I believe for many reasons. One of the greatest ones is my vocation as a nurse. I knew all my life that I wanted to spend all of my years helping other people. That's why I chose nursing as my education path. One of my roommates is also going into the medical field... actually I have many friends who have hearts for those who are sick and suffering. We often have wonderful conversations about suffering. They always have something to say that I never really had thought about... - anyway - I work in a hospital, and am a patient sitter, so I have the most one to one contact with a single patient in a four hour shift. I have recently had a couple patients who suffering very much so, and I came home and was talking to my roommate and we got on the topic of suffering. What I realized is that in working at a hospital, as a nurse, we see people at what could often times be considered their worst. Sometimes they can't feed themselves, or they can't talk, or walk, or even let us know they need to use the bathroom. Sometimes they desperately want to end their lives, or sometimes their personality is completely altered because of their injury or illness. It's really heart breaking sometimes...and there's also their family - who has been worried about them, exhausting themselves by spending every waking, free moment at the hospital.. You truly experience people at their lower points in life, and you have to be able to handle it.

I always say I couldn't be a nurse if I didn't have my faith. If I didn't have God, if I didn't believe in something greater than myself, and this world, if I didn't something to offer me hope amidst the suffering I see day in and day out, I could not bear through this life, and I definitely could not respond well to my call to be a nurse.

So, the other day when I was working I was on a really sad case, where my heart just broke, and I wished there was something more that I could do to heal my patient, and I was sitting there trying to come up with something to do, I decided to pray a rosary. Lo and behold, it was a Tuesday so the mysteries of the day were the sorrowful, perfect. Now I have this really cool book that in the back of it has all the mysteries of the rosary, scripture to go with the mystery, and the fruit of the specific mystery. I used this resource when i prayed my rosary for my patient that night, and I really reflected on the fruits of the mystery..

The three that stood out to me were courage, patience, and perseverance.

The third sorrowful mystery: The Crowning with Thorns Matt 27:28-29
fruit:courage

The fourth sorrowful mystery: The Carrying of the Cross Jn 19:17
fruit:patience

The fifth sorrowful mystery: The Crucifixion Lk 23:46
fruit:perseverance

Courage, patience, and perseverance; these three fruits are so important when one is suffering, but even more so beautiful to think of wearing the crown of thorns as courageous - the soldiers and people were mocking Jesus, yet he courageously bore the crown of thorns. We suffer, I suffer with awful headaches, yet I courageously bear my day, wear my crown of thorns, and continue on to follow the will of the Father. The Carrying of the Cross creates patience, often when we are suffering we are healing in some way, and that requires patience. When Jesus carried the cross he fell 3 times, he had to accept help from someone who did not want to give it, but he did it, and followed through as committed, with patience. Patience with himself, with those around him, and with his situation. Perseverance - this can be a hard one. Suffering is rarely short lived, it is often an extended time frame, it may get worse as time goes on, it requires one to persevere, to find the strength to keep going through each day, moment by moment. Jesus persevered through the greatest suffering of all. He persevered as he died on a cross, he was there, hanging and praying, just waiting to be united with his Father.

Praise the Lord for his goodness, for his grace that he offers in times of suffering. This time of year, many people begin to struggle with seasonal depression. The lack of sunshine, the colder weather, etc all adds up to reduce serotonin levels in the brain, one begins to feel anti-social, perhaps struggle with feelings of loneliness or being forgotten. Count this as a suffering the Lord has given you. I encourage you to really pray, and perhaps even pray these sorrowful mysteries, Jesus will give us special graces to endure the suffering, the cross we are being given. He doesn't let us go at it alone. Praise him!

Finals: Crafts, Cooking, and Baking

Normally, this is the week of the semester that I get less sleep than I have throughout the semester, stay up until 2 am finishing papers, projects, and studying for exams. It's normally one of the most stressful weeks of the year. This semester, not so. Wednesday I went for a run and hung out with my dear friend Maggie... she's my person, if you don't understand what I'm referring to click here. Then I came home and took a nap, it was delightful. Thursday I went to class, gave a presentation, went to daily mass, did a majority of my Christmas shopping (this is a huge deal, I don't remember the last time I did my Christmas presents before Dec 23), then I came home and decided I wanted to cook and bake. SO I scrolled pinterest, picked a soup recipe, and a cookie recipe and hit the grocery store. I came home and cooked buffalo chicken chili and while that spent time simmering I baked peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies. Then I served 2 of my 3 housemates dinner and dessert. It was such a wonderful feeling to be able to serve them. Today, it is snowing here in good 'ol Columbus town OH - and they have been anticipating this weather since Wednesday. My university actually cancelled classes this morning because most of the students are commuters, which is funny because campus "reopened" at noon, but the snow started about 1 pm.... makes a lot of sense, right? Well, I'm not complaining actually, I slept in and relaxed this morning. Then I worked out. And watched some more tv when I got home. But then I decided I needed to start working on a Christmas present project. My mom and I sometimes go on these kicks where we make fleece blankets, so she's making some, and I'm making some for Christmas this year. So I decided to get started on that. So I have spent my evening listening to Michael Buble holiday pandora station and crafting.. quite a delightful night. I actually had to take a break to rest my poor wrist (and I needed to eat food), but ultimately, I wanted to share with y'all my adventures, and my recipes.

Buffalo Chicken Chili
http://www.traceysculinaryadventures.com/2013/10/buffalo-chicken-chili.html#.UqJkLPRDua9

I used this recipe, but I want to change/add a few things. I would add some beans - probably black beans because those are my favorite, but maybe a can of white beans too. I would add edemame beans, maybe a sweet potatoe.. and instead of ground chicken I would could a chicken breast and then shred it to still get the chili texture, it would be healthier to use lean chicken breast..

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cookies
http://www.jasonandshawnda.com/foodiebride/archives/13276/

Add another stick of butter and these are delightful!

No Sew Fleece Blankets

Supplies:

• yard stick
• 2 sheets fleece fabric
• really good scissors

For fleece, the yards vary depending on how big you want your blanket to be. My mom and I are making blankets for adult men, and we want the blankets to be big enough to cover their bodies, so we got 2.5 yards. If you want it for girls you could probably use 2 yards, toddlers 1.5 yards is suggested. 

1. lay the fabric on top of each other and trim edge so they are as close to even as you can get them, they don't have to be perfect. 
2. next cut 6X6 squares out of each corner, it will make your life 1000x easier, trust me. I didn't do that the first time I made these blankets and the corners are just awkward. 
3. then lay your yard stick at the 6 in point where you cut your square out, and cut 1 in strips across the edges

1. loop your strips, or form a knot using the loop method. This worked a lot better as well, my first blanket I just tied the strips, it makes a cleaner edge if you loop-knot the ends

1. I did one side entirely, and then took a break because my hand hurt.. 

if you want pictures, I found my method here. 

That's all folks! Happy crafting, cooking, and baking. Keep up for more of Holiday shenanigans - i have more free time this break than ever before, so anticipate more project and cooking posts!

Modesty...Once More

This a topic that frequently comes up in my life, and that I am quite passionate about, we need to dress modestly for reason a, b, and c - but I want to address another aspect of modesty today.

Okay - let's cover the basics.
cover your B's
boobs, butt, back, belly.
These areas should be covered when you're dressed. When you bend over or reach up for something your back or belly should not show, nor your crack (nobody wants to see that anyway) One reason, frequently addressed, for women to dress modestly to help guard our brothers purity, but there is so much more to modesty than guarding our brothers purity. I 100% absolutely agree that it is vitally important to help our brothers in their walk with God, by dressing modestly, to help them in controlling their minds, and leaving a sense to mystery. But then there is also helping our sisters.. so many people in our society, especially women, struggle with eating disorders. When we dress is ways that accentuate our thinness, or our bodies in general, that are quite revealing, other women can see that and it can cause them to act on their temptation to starve themselves, or to binge and purge... or to just binge (a recently developed eating disorder also known as closet eating) - and again, there is only so much we can do in helping our sisters, because there is the aspect of them having control over their thoughts and actions.

But there is another part to modesty - modesty in character, or in behavior. This is one aspect that is frequently overlooked, and almost never addressed, but when talking with some of my high schoolers over the weekend this aspect of modesty came up... what about our behavior? What if we're dressing in modest clothing, but flirting with every guy we meet, and hanging around them excessively, and craving attention from them but also acting on that attention? Or what if we're talking about our appearance and one girl is really insecure about her appearance and another is like meh I just don't care, I'm beautiful the way I am and I know it - which is a good thing to be confidant in yourself, because these words are so unbelievably true - each of us is absolutely stunning just the way we are, but many of us struggle to see this, and struggle to believe it to ring true for us. Now, I am guilty - I have made that comment in a group of girls - the I just don't care comment... I do what I want.. I eat all these calories and have been the same size for x amount of years... whatever kinda prideful comment you can come up with... but the point is it could come off as offensive, or challenging to take in from a girl who struggles with her image, and feels as if she's not beautiful...

In captivating, they talk about a women unveiling beauty, our outer beauty comes from within. A woman that is in love with God, that knows her maker, that is confidant in who she is as daughter of God and woman, is one who is most beautiful. The most beautiful women I know are those who are absolutely in love with God. He consoles their broken hearts, and heals their wounds, he satisfies their every need. There are characteristics of a woman - confidence, gentle and quiet spirit, these characteristics allow a woman to be 100% who she is as woman, and completely beautiful, but they also address the modesty aspect of character, of speech.

So my dear friends, I encourage you to work on modesty in your dress, but also in your character. Most of all, hand your heart over to our Lord. He will satisfy your every need, your every desire, and with him you will become your most beautiful self, and you will desire to dress modestly, because you will realize what a gift your body is and that it is a temple of the Holy Spirit, that God dwells within you, he has a home in your heart, and that is a treasure, a gift meant to be protected, hidden. Think of a gift, we buy them for our family and hide them because we don't want it to be seen before it's time to give it, and we have pretty wrapping paper and bows that we use to hide the gift as well, and then we open the gift to unveil the beauty, the gift.. Think of your body as a gift meant for your spouse, and keep it hidden, protected, beautiful, secret - but you can be alluring in a modest way - showing your beauty, with a smile, with your tender heart.

Alright, I'm beginning to rant now, so I'll stop there. God bless you all!

Lord, I am not Worthy

Today's gospel comes from Matt 8:5-11, it says “Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof;
only say the word and my servant will be healed."

Jesus responds to this statement commending the man for his faith. The centurion knew the power God has to heal, but I want to pause on this statement for a moment - I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof. Every week at mass, before receiving communion we say this prayer, asking the Lord to have mercy on us and forgive us for our sins. But what I wonder is why did the centurion not want Jesus to enter under his roof? Was afraid? Was he hiding something? What was holding him back from experiencing the full presence of Christ in his home? 

Each week we pray "Lord I am not worthy that you shouldered under my roof but only say the word and my soul shall be healed." But how often are we not fully letting The Lord into our hearts?  I know we all are hurt from experiences in our life, so what is it that we think is too messy or too much for God to handle? What is holding you back from knowing him more?

As I was praying about this I realized for me it came down to confidence. The lord has shown me how I was lacking confidence in my identity as his daughter outside of my catholic community of friends, so I asked my small group to pray for me in this area of my life and it has already bore much fruit but I know that I am still held back in my relationship with Christ and I realized that I also am not confident and am not trusting that he does have a perfect plan, I am not allowing the words of Jeremiah 29:11 to ring true, and I fear that my hopes and seams will not come true, that the desires of my heart will not be granted, that God will not come through. 

So now that I know this, what can I do? I can pray against it - I can pray against this fear and trust in gods providence and in his grace.

I encourage all of you to reflect on your life, what's holding you back in your relationship with Christ? What keeping you from knowing the fullness of his love? 

Happy advent friends! Well wishes as we joyfully anticipate the coming of the child Jesus!