“God is love, but love can be hated when it challenges us to transcend ourselves. It is not a romantic ‘good feeling’… it is not about basking in self-indulgence; on the contrary, it is liberation from self-absorption. This liberation comes at a price: the anguish of the Cross.”
-Pope Benedict XVI
Monday, November 26, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Intercession of Our Lady
"Prayer is powerful beyond limits when we turn to the Immaculata who is queen even of God's heart."-Saint Maximilian Kolbe
For the last couple weeks I have been blessed with great suffering - yes, blessed. It doesn't feel like a blessing...ever, but I know that it is because I know God won't give me more than I can handle. With a chronic migraine for about three weeks now life has been a little rough, especially with still trying to do my daily activities. There's school, and household things, and well life doesn't stop just because Amber doesn't feel good. In my physical suffering, all other areas in my life have experienced suffering. My grades aren't so pretty and are on a slippery slope, my prayer life is not what it normally is - or rather it has a different appearance, and my relationships are little well... it's hard to build relationships when your head is constantly hurting, and you're constantly in pain.
I was thinking about this a little bit today - that my sickness has caused me to very much so revert to the actions of a little child. I have to eat my meals at set times because of my medicine, and I have to get a lot of sleep, and if I don't get a nap or some form of rest time in well you just don't want to deal with me come evening. It feels as if my life has reverted to that of a toddler, which is frustrating.
But if there is one thing I have learned in all this, God has his hand on us. This physical suffering isn't the only suffering I've been experiencing, there's been some emotional, mental, and spiritual as well. But what I do know is our Lady has been watching over me.
My prayer normally involved meditation on scripture, intercession for loved ones, maybe some form of spiritual reading, daily mass at least once a week, and I try to get in a rosary. Daily mass wasn't happening because I slept as long and as much as possible. Spiritual reading and scripture reflection was a challenge because it made my head hurt - but one thing I have remained faithful to is my rosary.
I look back on my spiritual journey thus far, and our Lady has always been there. She has my back. I would pray a rosary when I didn't know what else to do. I bring my struggles to her, and she intercedes for me at the feet of Jesus. In the last three weeks, as I have been suffering with these headaches, or as I like to call it my sickness, I have sought our Lady. If I can't fall asleep, I pray a rosary. The radio makes my head hurt, I pray a rosary. My brain wonders to me having some deathly illness, I pray a rosary. I have an exam, I say a Hail Mary. I'm being asked to be patient and wait on the Lord, I pray a rosary. Our Lady is the Mother of Christ. She is special to him, and her intercession is powerful. Her love is deep. She loves each of her children so profoundly, so deeply, so uniquely, and continually intercedes for us at the foot of her Son - that our petitions may be granted, and meanwhile her grace is being poured into our hearts, that we may have peace as we go about the tasks. Through the intercession of our Lady, our hearts become more rooted in Christ.
“What a joy to remember that she is our Mother! Since she loves us and knows our weakness, what have we to fear?”
- Saint Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church
May we ever seek the intercession of our Lady, in all our needs.
"Pray, hope, don't worry" -Padre Pio
"We never give more honour to Jesus than when we honour his Mother, and we honour her simply and solely to honour him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek - Jesus, her Son."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #94
"For God has made her queen of heaven and earth, leader of his armies, keeper of his treasure, dispenser of his graces, mediatrix on behalf of men, destroyer of his enemies, and faithful associate in his great works and triumphs."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #28
"Seek refuge in Mary because she is the city of refuge. We know that Moses set up three cities of refuge for anyone who inadvertently killed his neighbor. Now the Lord has established a refuge of mercy, Mary, even for those who deliberately commit evil. Mary provides shelter and strength for the sinner."
-Saint Anthony of Padua, Doctor of the Church
For the last couple weeks I have been blessed with great suffering - yes, blessed. It doesn't feel like a blessing...ever, but I know that it is because I know God won't give me more than I can handle. With a chronic migraine for about three weeks now life has been a little rough, especially with still trying to do my daily activities. There's school, and household things, and well life doesn't stop just because Amber doesn't feel good. In my physical suffering, all other areas in my life have experienced suffering. My grades aren't so pretty and are on a slippery slope, my prayer life is not what it normally is - or rather it has a different appearance, and my relationships are little well... it's hard to build relationships when your head is constantly hurting, and you're constantly in pain.
I was thinking about this a little bit today - that my sickness has caused me to very much so revert to the actions of a little child. I have to eat my meals at set times because of my medicine, and I have to get a lot of sleep, and if I don't get a nap or some form of rest time in well you just don't want to deal with me come evening. It feels as if my life has reverted to that of a toddler, which is frustrating.
But if there is one thing I have learned in all this, God has his hand on us. This physical suffering isn't the only suffering I've been experiencing, there's been some emotional, mental, and spiritual as well. But what I do know is our Lady has been watching over me.
My prayer normally involved meditation on scripture, intercession for loved ones, maybe some form of spiritual reading, daily mass at least once a week, and I try to get in a rosary. Daily mass wasn't happening because I slept as long and as much as possible. Spiritual reading and scripture reflection was a challenge because it made my head hurt - but one thing I have remained faithful to is my rosary.
I look back on my spiritual journey thus far, and our Lady has always been there. She has my back. I would pray a rosary when I didn't know what else to do. I bring my struggles to her, and she intercedes for me at the feet of Jesus. In the last three weeks, as I have been suffering with these headaches, or as I like to call it my sickness, I have sought our Lady. If I can't fall asleep, I pray a rosary. The radio makes my head hurt, I pray a rosary. My brain wonders to me having some deathly illness, I pray a rosary. I have an exam, I say a Hail Mary. I'm being asked to be patient and wait on the Lord, I pray a rosary. Our Lady is the Mother of Christ. She is special to him, and her intercession is powerful. Her love is deep. She loves each of her children so profoundly, so deeply, so uniquely, and continually intercedes for us at the foot of her Son - that our petitions may be granted, and meanwhile her grace is being poured into our hearts, that we may have peace as we go about the tasks. Through the intercession of our Lady, our hearts become more rooted in Christ.
“What a joy to remember that she is our Mother! Since she loves us and knows our weakness, what have we to fear?”
- Saint Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church
May we ever seek the intercession of our Lady, in all our needs.
"Pray, hope, don't worry" -Padre Pio
"We never give more honour to Jesus than when we honour his Mother, and we honour her simply and solely to honour him all the more perfectly. We go to her only as a way leading to the goal we seek - Jesus, her Son."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #94
"For God has made her queen of heaven and earth, leader of his armies, keeper of his treasure, dispenser of his graces, mediatrix on behalf of men, destroyer of his enemies, and faithful associate in his great works and triumphs."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin, #28
"Seek refuge in Mary because she is the city of refuge. We know that Moses set up three cities of refuge for anyone who inadvertently killed his neighbor. Now the Lord has established a refuge of mercy, Mary, even for those who deliberately commit evil. Mary provides shelter and strength for the sinner."
-Saint Anthony of Padua, Doctor of the Church
Monday, November 19, 2012
Monday Memo
Today I can't really seem to choose which quote to post. I know life is crazy this time of year, especially for college students. So I'm just going to share a few that have been helping me out lately!
Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1:2
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
"May you continue to be the sunshine of His love and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God" --Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now, don't you recognize that woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We deisre to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is the core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be feltl beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." From Captivating
"There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves."
Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1:2
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
"May you continue to be the sunshine of His love and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God" --Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now, don't you recognize that woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We deisre to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is the core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be feltl beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." From Captivating
"There is nothing that inspires a man to courage so much as the woman he loves."
-Captivating
"A woman in the presence of a good man, a real man, loves being a woman. His strength allows her feminine heart to flourish. His pursuit draws out her beauty. And a man in the presence of a real woman loves being a man. Her beauty arouses him to play the man; it draws out his strength. She inspires him to be a hero."
-from Captivating
"What a comfort to know that this universe we live in is relational at it's core, that our God is a tenderhearted God who yearns for relationship with us. If you have any doubt about that, simply look at the message he sent us in Woman. Amazing. Not only does God olng for us, but he longs to be loved by us."
-Captivating
"I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a prioity to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is "Why won't you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find me." says the Lord, "when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13). In other words, "Look for me, pursue me. I want you to pursue me." God waits to be wanted (Tozer)" -wild at heart quote
Okay - well, that's enough for today. Have a blessed week :)
Friday, November 16, 2012
Captivating
My heart has been captivated by Captivating, a book by John and Stasi Eldredge, about the heart of a woman. Therefore, I just want to warn you all that there will probably be many-a-posts about being a woman, and seeking to be a woman fully intuned with God.
I started reading this book, I had been wanting to read it for quite a while, so I had another book to return today, thus I found this book at the library when I returned my other book, and there were already a couple passages that struck me. I'm not going to dive into them tonight, but thought I would share them with you.
"Some time between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating." -Captivating
"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now,
I started reading this book, I had been wanting to read it for quite a while, so I had another book to return today, thus I found this book at the library when I returned my other book, and there were already a couple passages that struck me. I'm not going to dive into them tonight, but thought I would share them with you.
"Some time between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating." -Captivating
"Ruth may have been a lovely, strong woman, but it is to her unrelenting courage and vulnerability and faith in God that Boaz is drawn. Esther is the most beautiful woman in the land, but it is her bravery and her cunning, good heart that moves the king to spare her people. It isn't about dresses and make up. Beauty is so important that we'll come back to it again and again in this book. For now,
don't you recognize that woman yearns to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is the core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil." -Captivating
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
God is Good
Thinking of the title for this was hard, so many things fit well, but nothing really captured all that I want to say. However, I feel the catch phrase of my life lately has been "God is good". Whether life feels like it's crushing me, or I feel like I'm on cloud nine I'm able to say God is good, and able to see His goodness.
Where to start?
Okay - so I struggle with seasonal depression, which many people do, but most people don't see it until February, when holidays are over, and everyone has gone back to their own lives, and the weather lacks sunshine, and life just feels hard. However, for me, it's the start of the cold season, the first span of gray days weigh down on me like no other.
Recently, we had literally five days of rain and gloom without a break, it was terrible. I didn't want to function. I just wanted to lay in my bed by myself. When I am struggling with my depression I have tendency to isolate myself from society. I don't want to talk to people - this isn't normal for me...
Okay so that's the source of all this -
So I'm just really down and gloomy. It feels as if there's no hope, my heart is heavy, and I'm in need of my savior. Living in household this year with six other women God continues to reveal his love to me in profound ways.
First, living in community you are forced to be surrounded by people, whether you want to or not. Someone is there, and when something is up they notice, and one of them is going to ask you if you're okay. I promise.
One night I came home from work, and I had just discovered that one of my kids couldn't read. I work with an after school program called AmericaReads. Anyway, I was helping with homework and one of the boys, who's in third or fourth grade, asks me for help on his homework, and I realized he couldn't read. He is in fourth grade (I think) and he can't read! How does that happen! I was appalled I was shocked. I was disturbed. More than anything - my heart ached for this child. His parents didn't care enough to notice he couldn't read, and if they did notice, they weren't doing anything to fix the problem. Why is this the case? Why. I was so distraught by this.
On top of that, I wasn't feeling good. It was just a bad week. I was upset. The weather was getting to me. Things of our culture were upsetting me, the list goes on. It felt like my every action took all the energy within me. Therefore, Friday night and really Saturday too, I feel extremely anti-social. I keep to myself both days a lot, and just do what I need to for the weekend, but also spend some time watching movies. Saturday night I watched some Christian movies on netflix, and end up in tears (that happens a lot). In one of the movies, it was a woman's conversion story, and that got me thinking of my own conversion story, and had me asking Why did God choose me? Why did I find him? Why did I come to our God, there is no logical way for this to have happened. My family's not really Christian or anything, yet I came to know the truth of the Catholic Church and came to know Jesus in a most intimate way. For this, I am so thankful, but I just started asking why. I texted one of my dear friends, and he told me that it was because God knew I would do the work he had for me, but also because I was the lost sheep and he was the Good Shepherd who came back for me. And I was like okay - you're right. Then the next day at mass the readings hit home. God kind of smacked me in the face, but not really, but kind of...
The Lord our God is Lord alone!
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
and with all your strength. (Mk. 12:30)
God's love is enough. He is sufficient (well he's much more than sufficient, but we'll go with that for now). So I was like okay, God's love is enough.
Then Sunday, I was up in our attic studying away, or working on something of some form and my housemate, friend, and sister came up and we started chatting. I told her what was going on, and we cried together. Something she asked me that really struck me was "Why do you want to be a saint? ... because you want to hurt Jesus anymore".
I forgot to add, in one of the movies there was a scene that talked about how Jesus loves us day in and day out, despite the numerous times we reject him, and I was also asking myself why do I deserve to know this love, why did God choose me?
Okay, so because I don't want to hurt Jesus anymore - yes. In my imperfection, I deny and reject his love, his truth each day. I was finally feeling better, my chat with my sister lifted me up, and I was like it's okay, I'm not alone in this struggle, I keep going I can do this.
Then Monday, Monday was okay. I was still in thought a lot. And we had small group that night, and I shared with them all of this. I had also thought up the idea to make a Positivity Book - so a little something for myself filled with positive uplifting things to help me when life weighs me down is essentially the idea behind that. Then one of the girls asks me how they can help with my seasonal depression and honestly, I was shocked by this question. I was kind of like, oh you don't need to do anything or I don't know if there's anything you can do. Then I was like, honestly, what helps is being reminded I am loved. I often feel forgotten, and sometimes I feel myself pouring out love to people each day, but feel like I never receive love. I often feel unloved, unwanted. I remember telling a friend once that I felt like people were nice to me because they felt it more of an obligation... because of one reason or another. I often just feel rejected, and unloved, which makes the seasonal depression most challenging. So I told the women I was sharing with, just little things to remind me that I'm loved and cared for will help the most.
Tuesday, I was at work, and the bigger kids went on a field trip, so we had the littler ones, and they just loved on me. We played games and when they got out they would come sit on my lap. I had literally six little children on my lap at once... it was one of those "I'm in heaven moments" because I was loving these children, but it was also a reminder to me that I am making an impact on these children, and that warmed my heart. There was an immense amount of love being shared, and it was so beautiful, to see the innocence of these children being embraced.
Then Wednesday, I was upstairs studying, as per usual. Wednesday was just a weird day.. oh - I forgot to mention I didn't go to class Tuesday or Wednesday morning because I woke up with a headache, and just didn't feel all that well, so I didn't go to school.
I'm upstairs studying away for my Friday exan, and my roommate comes upstairs and she tells me she needs a favor from me, and I'm like okay - is everything alright... she sounded kind of like something was wrong, and she was like yeah, I just need you. So she grabs my hand, leads me down the stair to our room, has me lay down in my bed, puts my blankey over me, and tells me she wanted to do something special for me, to help me with my seasonal depression, and I was like awww okay. She plays this song for me, click here to listen. And she turns her super pretty lamp on and leaves the room. I sit there, listening to the lyrics,
Tell me your story
Show me your wounds
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces
Broken and bruised
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love sees you
I see what I made
In your mother's womb
Alright, we're coming to the best part now - the power and beauty of prayer. In my community we have One Gospel every other Thursday night. These entail 150ish students gathering in a classroom, we hear a talk on Christ, or something faith related, and then we worship our God through songs of praise. I was really excited for this night because my youth minister from high school was giving the talk, and he is a very gifted speaker, and multiple times has impacted my life - I mean, he's kind of the main reason I'm Catholic :) and came to know Jesus - because of his boldness in proclaiming Christ as King and not being afraid of the outcome.
His talk was entitled "Big, Hairy Faith" and he opens talking about how we belittle our God. It is important to have faith in small things, but we need to have faith in big things too. And so often the world crushes our faith. John 14:12 Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father.
We must have faith that our God will work and do great things. And he talks for a while about how we need to have big faith, expectant faith, faith that God can end abortion, and do great things. We talk about the apostles performing miracles, and how God wants to do the same thing now, but so often we belittle him, and do not have faith that he can do this great work. Then he starts to talk about hope.
Now hope is quite the special virtue to me. It is what has kept me going for the last three years. Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1
Then he says "Faith requires that we have hope, without hope we have nothing."
And this made me think of a conversation I had with my sister Sunday - without suffering we have no need for hope. Faith, hope, and love are greatly intertwined and we need all of them together.
This turned into a really long post - but essentially - God is good. He knows us so well, and knows exactly what we need, and how we need to be loved. He teaches us lessons through peculiar ways. But most of all - through all of this, and through a retreat I went on this weekend I learned by choosing to live our life for Christ we lead an ordinary life in an extraordinary, by simply knowing our source of love and life is Christ Jesus.
God is good. Amen.
Where to start?
Okay - so I struggle with seasonal depression, which many people do, but most people don't see it until February, when holidays are over, and everyone has gone back to their own lives, and the weather lacks sunshine, and life just feels hard. However, for me, it's the start of the cold season, the first span of gray days weigh down on me like no other.
Recently, we had literally five days of rain and gloom without a break, it was terrible. I didn't want to function. I just wanted to lay in my bed by myself. When I am struggling with my depression I have tendency to isolate myself from society. I don't want to talk to people - this isn't normal for me...
Okay so that's the source of all this -
So I'm just really down and gloomy. It feels as if there's no hope, my heart is heavy, and I'm in need of my savior. Living in household this year with six other women God continues to reveal his love to me in profound ways.
First, living in community you are forced to be surrounded by people, whether you want to or not. Someone is there, and when something is up they notice, and one of them is going to ask you if you're okay. I promise.
One night I came home from work, and I had just discovered that one of my kids couldn't read. I work with an after school program called AmericaReads. Anyway, I was helping with homework and one of the boys, who's in third or fourth grade, asks me for help on his homework, and I realized he couldn't read. He is in fourth grade (I think) and he can't read! How does that happen! I was appalled I was shocked. I was disturbed. More than anything - my heart ached for this child. His parents didn't care enough to notice he couldn't read, and if they did notice, they weren't doing anything to fix the problem. Why is this the case? Why. I was so distraught by this.
On top of that, I wasn't feeling good. It was just a bad week. I was upset. The weather was getting to me. Things of our culture were upsetting me, the list goes on. It felt like my every action took all the energy within me. Therefore, Friday night and really Saturday too, I feel extremely anti-social. I keep to myself both days a lot, and just do what I need to for the weekend, but also spend some time watching movies. Saturday night I watched some Christian movies on netflix, and end up in tears (that happens a lot). In one of the movies, it was a woman's conversion story, and that got me thinking of my own conversion story, and had me asking Why did God choose me? Why did I find him? Why did I come to our God, there is no logical way for this to have happened. My family's not really Christian or anything, yet I came to know the truth of the Catholic Church and came to know Jesus in a most intimate way. For this, I am so thankful, but I just started asking why. I texted one of my dear friends, and he told me that it was because God knew I would do the work he had for me, but also because I was the lost sheep and he was the Good Shepherd who came back for me. And I was like okay - you're right. Then the next day at mass the readings hit home. God kind of smacked me in the face, but not really, but kind of...
The Lord our God is Lord alone!
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul,
with all your mind,
and with all your strength. (Mk. 12:30)
God's love is enough. He is sufficient (well he's much more than sufficient, but we'll go with that for now). So I was like okay, God's love is enough.
Then Sunday, I was up in our attic studying away, or working on something of some form and my housemate, friend, and sister came up and we started chatting. I told her what was going on, and we cried together. Something she asked me that really struck me was "Why do you want to be a saint? ... because you want to hurt Jesus anymore".
I forgot to add, in one of the movies there was a scene that talked about how Jesus loves us day in and day out, despite the numerous times we reject him, and I was also asking myself why do I deserve to know this love, why did God choose me?
Okay, so because I don't want to hurt Jesus anymore - yes. In my imperfection, I deny and reject his love, his truth each day. I was finally feeling better, my chat with my sister lifted me up, and I was like it's okay, I'm not alone in this struggle, I keep going I can do this.
Then Monday, Monday was okay. I was still in thought a lot. And we had small group that night, and I shared with them all of this. I had also thought up the idea to make a Positivity Book - so a little something for myself filled with positive uplifting things to help me when life weighs me down is essentially the idea behind that. Then one of the girls asks me how they can help with my seasonal depression and honestly, I was shocked by this question. I was kind of like, oh you don't need to do anything or I don't know if there's anything you can do. Then I was like, honestly, what helps is being reminded I am loved. I often feel forgotten, and sometimes I feel myself pouring out love to people each day, but feel like I never receive love. I often feel unloved, unwanted. I remember telling a friend once that I felt like people were nice to me because they felt it more of an obligation... because of one reason or another. I often just feel rejected, and unloved, which makes the seasonal depression most challenging. So I told the women I was sharing with, just little things to remind me that I'm loved and cared for will help the most.
Tuesday, I was at work, and the bigger kids went on a field trip, so we had the littler ones, and they just loved on me. We played games and when they got out they would come sit on my lap. I had literally six little children on my lap at once... it was one of those "I'm in heaven moments" because I was loving these children, but it was also a reminder to me that I am making an impact on these children, and that warmed my heart. There was an immense amount of love being shared, and it was so beautiful, to see the innocence of these children being embraced.
Then Wednesday, I was upstairs studying, as per usual. Wednesday was just a weird day.. oh - I forgot to mention I didn't go to class Tuesday or Wednesday morning because I woke up with a headache, and just didn't feel all that well, so I didn't go to school.
I'm upstairs studying away for my Friday exan, and my roommate comes upstairs and she tells me she needs a favor from me, and I'm like okay - is everything alright... she sounded kind of like something was wrong, and she was like yeah, I just need you. So she grabs my hand, leads me down the stair to our room, has me lay down in my bed, puts my blankey over me, and tells me she wanted to do something special for me, to help me with my seasonal depression, and I was like awww okay. She plays this song for me, click here to listen. And she turns her super pretty lamp on and leaves the room. I sit there, listening to the lyrics,
Tell me your story
Show me your wounds
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces
Broken and bruised
And I’ll show you what Love sees
When Love sees you
I see what I made
In your mother's womb
I see the day I fell in love with you.
I see your tomorrows
Nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle
You see the shame
I see the reason I came
I came for your story
I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees
When I see you
practically in tears at the beauty of this - and the depth of God's love for me. And then she comes in as the song ends and we just sit there and she holds me, and I cry, and she looks me in the eyes and tells me I'm beautiful, and how loved I am. And I just stay there for a while. To be so loved, and for it to be shown, so deeply, so thoughtfully just lifted my heart. And then I went back to studying, and she brings me up tea and I was like oh my gosh, I can't handle this - to be loved is the most precious gift.I see your tomorrows
Nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle
You see the shame
I see the reason I came
I came for your story
I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees
When I see you
Alright, we're coming to the best part now - the power and beauty of prayer. In my community we have One Gospel every other Thursday night. These entail 150ish students gathering in a classroom, we hear a talk on Christ, or something faith related, and then we worship our God through songs of praise. I was really excited for this night because my youth minister from high school was giving the talk, and he is a very gifted speaker, and multiple times has impacted my life - I mean, he's kind of the main reason I'm Catholic :) and came to know Jesus - because of his boldness in proclaiming Christ as King and not being afraid of the outcome.
His talk was entitled "Big, Hairy Faith" and he opens talking about how we belittle our God. It is important to have faith in small things, but we need to have faith in big things too. And so often the world crushes our faith. John 14:12 Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father.
We must have faith that our God will work and do great things. And he talks for a while about how we need to have big faith, expectant faith, faith that God can end abortion, and do great things. We talk about the apostles performing miracles, and how God wants to do the same thing now, but so often we belittle him, and do not have faith that he can do this great work. Then he starts to talk about hope.
Now hope is quite the special virtue to me. It is what has kept me going for the last three years. Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1
Then he says "Faith requires that we have hope, without hope we have nothing."
And this made me think of a conversation I had with my sister Sunday - without suffering we have no need for hope. Faith, hope, and love are greatly intertwined and we need all of them together.
This turned into a really long post - but essentially - God is good. He knows us so well, and knows exactly what we need, and how we need to be loved. He teaches us lessons through peculiar ways. But most of all - through all of this, and through a retreat I went on this weekend I learned by choosing to live our life for Christ we lead an ordinary life in an extraordinary, by simply knowing our source of love and life is Christ Jesus.
God is good. Amen.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Monday Memo: Mother Teresa
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
This was inspired by what The Lord has been teaching me and revealing to me. He has given us his love, we ought to share it with those who have no one to love them!
This was inspired by what The Lord has been teaching me and revealing to me. He has given us his love, we ought to share it with those who have no one to love them!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
For Love of God
You know those weeks where it feels like nothing is going right for you and every day you just want to come home and cry because you're so sad, or upset.... last week was one of those weeks. To start off, I felt sick every time I ate, I was extremely nauseous. I wasn't sleeping well, so I was exhausted. I had a decent sized paper to write. The reality of life hit me - you see, with my job I work with inner city kids, as a tutor at an after school program, and on Tuesday I discovered one of my 4th graders could not read - and my mind was blown, my heart was broken. No wonder this child was acting up all the time. He didn't understand what he was being told. He can't read. He can't do his homework if he can't read. Wednesday I went in to work and talked to the staff about this student, and am being given an opportunity to teach him how to read, which I am ever so grateful for; however, it upsets me that this child has not been given the love he deserves. It blows my mind how many children go unwanted, unloved, not cared for. This upset me much of the week. I couldn't stop thinking about it - how could such a precious, beautiful child - a gift to this world go so unloved - and then how come I have been so blessed?
Well what I realized, slowly, and it's still working in my heart, and settling in - is that God gives us his love. I was talking to my friend about this last night. As most of you know, I converted to Catholicism, and honestly, it was all by chance. My friend who invited me to go on a mission trip - well when we first met we were not friends, that is for sure. But we became friends, and her mom sponsored me, and taught me the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith. It was by divine providence that I kind of fell into the faith. And last night I found myself wondering - why? Why am I so lucky to have found God, why did he choose me to be one of his beloved. And this was well it was eating away at me - and my friend told me "because He knows you can take what he has to give you" and I went on and on - why! Why did God choose me? What do I have? What did I do? Why did he choose me? And this friend's response was that I was the lost sheep and he came back for me.
Sigh. How true this is. I was the lost sheep. He came back for me. He lavished his love on me. He made me, he knows me - my innermost being. He knows my heart and the ability I have to love - to love others, but he knew I couldn't do it on my own. He knew I couldn't do it without his grace.
This week, through all the trials and tribulations, God taught me something, something powerful, that words cannot fully express. But I realized the depth of God's love for me in a new way - in that as undeserving as I am of his love, though day after day I reject his love and turn any other possible thing, he loves me anyway. And he gives me his love, so that I can be an instrument of his love to others on this earth.
Why the Lord chose me - that I do not know, but I do know one thing - all we do, we do for the Love of God, and it is his love that sustains.
The LORD is our God, the LORD alone!
Therefore, you shall love the LORD, your God,
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5
Well what I realized, slowly, and it's still working in my heart, and settling in - is that God gives us his love. I was talking to my friend about this last night. As most of you know, I converted to Catholicism, and honestly, it was all by chance. My friend who invited me to go on a mission trip - well when we first met we were not friends, that is for sure. But we became friends, and her mom sponsored me, and taught me the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith. It was by divine providence that I kind of fell into the faith. And last night I found myself wondering - why? Why am I so lucky to have found God, why did he choose me to be one of his beloved. And this was well it was eating away at me - and my friend told me "because He knows you can take what he has to give you" and I went on and on - why! Why did God choose me? What do I have? What did I do? Why did he choose me? And this friend's response was that I was the lost sheep and he came back for me.
Sigh. How true this is. I was the lost sheep. He came back for me. He lavished his love on me. He made me, he knows me - my innermost being. He knows my heart and the ability I have to love - to love others, but he knew I couldn't do it on my own. He knew I couldn't do it without his grace.
This week, through all the trials and tribulations, God taught me something, something powerful, that words cannot fully express. But I realized the depth of God's love for me in a new way - in that as undeserving as I am of his love, though day after day I reject his love and turn any other possible thing, he loves me anyway. And he gives me his love, so that I can be an instrument of his love to others on this earth.
Why the Lord chose me - that I do not know, but I do know one thing - all we do, we do for the Love of God, and it is his love that sustains.
The LORD is our God, the LORD alone!
Therefore, you shall love the LORD, your God,
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5
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