Recently I have been reflecting on the last few months of my life, which lead me to reflect on the year, onto the past 3 years. I thought about the hardships, I looked through old pictures and looked back fondly on the memories of college so far. I have 13 months until I graduate next December, so I guess it makes sense.. The reason I was reflecting on the last few months is in August I decided to be very intentional about relationship with the Lord, and "fast" from dating, meaning that if someone were to ask me on a date I would actually tell them no (or now's not the time... something to that effect) but last week I realized I was entering into my last month of this intentional time I've set aside in my life and I wanted to see what the Lord has been doing with this time. It has been a very blessed and fruitful time. But what I want to get at is longer term this is just a back story for you.
In my reflection I started looking back at my own instagram posts and there was a turning point in my posts. I realized that when my posts became more joy-filled coincided with the time in my life when I became more joy-filled. In our community here in Columbus we've had a bit of a rough semester. People have been sick, unpredictable distressing things have happened, we're feeling a little bogged down and a little burnt out. And as I've heard this from countless people and experienced it myself this semester, I thought about the times in my past when I've felt this way before, and when our community has been in a similar place before. The hardest times are often the times of our greatest growth. We went into this year asking the Lord to take us deeper, to deepen our roots. That's a bold prayer. That's asking for growth. And, I don't remember if you remember being a kid and the different growth spurts, but growing hurts -- whether it's physically, spiritually, or emotionally growing hurts.
And as I've been reflecting I've realized it's all a choice. When I saw this change to a joy-filled Amber it was when I chose to give thanks every day. I read a book (1,000 Gifts) that challenged me to write down 1,000 things I was grateful for. So I made a pretty journal and tried to everyday write down something I was grateful for. This allowed me to see the ways God loved me throughout my day. It allowed me to be receptive and aware of the grace provides me in each day. It's a choice to love our brothers and sisters. It's a choice to give thanks. It's a choice to be satisfied in the Lord.
Over the summer one of my good guy friends pulled me aside at a group thing because he wanted to clarify his intentions in our friendship, that all he does for me, for each of the women is to love us well as sisters. That conversation brought a lot of healing and freedom in my life, and especially in my relationships with the men in my life. However, after this conversation I was tempted to analyze. Why he is saying something now? What prompted him to do something? etc... I wanted to analyze the situation; however, had I done that I would not have received the freedom choosing to accept this gift brought. If I had analyzed and dwelled in the why I would probably feel really awkward around this friend of mine, but instead I am able to love him better as my friend and brother in Christ. I chose to give thanks for a brother humble and courageous enough to have this conversation with me.
A few weeks ago I was feeling a little down in the dumps and wanted to post about it on social media because I am a product of a culture that turns to media when we feel unloved rather than actual people. I did post a photo, but I didn't use the words I thought I was going to. Instead saying something about feeling lonely, I said something about the choice give thanks even when I didn't feel like it. Here's what I said: Because sometimes you have to remember to take life one day, one step, one moment, one breath at a time. You have to remember your worth rests not in what you do but who you are + to whom you belong. You have to remember things of this world will not satisfy + rest can be found only Christ. You have to trust HE has a plan for your life + you are doing the best you can. You have to remember to c h o o s e j o y + say yes to HIS g r a c e
In this single for a season or dating fast (whatever you want to call it) the Lord has been teaching me a lot about the choice to be satisfied in Him. The past weekish I have been struggling -- wanting to feel noticed, to believe I was thought of, to be reminded that I matter to the people around me, that I am welcomed, that I belong, that I have a place at the table. And the Lord was doing this for me, but not in the ways I wanted it or expected. I wanted to come home and see my daddy had sent me flowers, or have a kind note from one of my sisters, but that didn't happen. Looking back on it now, despite how I was feeling and wanting to receive love the Lord was lavishing his love on me! Each day my prayer time in the morning was so good. I started my day with the Lord, feeling peaceful, having rested in His presence. He loved me so well -- there were times when my favorites songs came on the radio, I was able to focus on my school work well, I got to catch up with good friends unexpectedly, the weather was beautiful, I was able to go to daily mass, etc. There were so many ways the Lord was loving me and satisfying me but I didn't choose to see it. I chose to wallow in self-pity, and was miserable. But once I realized this, and began to choose joy again, There was a difference in my joy, in my life, in my love. And praise God for that.
So as you may be feeling discouraged because it's November and we're on auto pilot for the rest of the semester or you're seasonal depression or anxiety is kicking in, or whatever it may be remember the choice is yours. Choose to be satisfied in the Lord, choose to give thanks, choose to be joyful, and you will not be disappointed.
