Monday Memo

A brother of mine shared this quote with me last night, and I decided it was perfect to share as the quote for the week!

"Cross, toil, tribulation: 
such will be your lot as long as you live. 
That was the way Christ followed,
and the disciple is not above his Master."
- St. Josemaria Escriva

A Strong Woman, a Prayerful Woman

Last night I got dinner with a friend and as we were leaving she told me "you are a strong woman, a prayerful woman." When people tell me I am a strong woman I normally shoot it down immediately, and question it, an doubt but this friend also said a prayerful woman - and that made the difference for me.

Yes, you could call me a strong woman, but the only reason I could ever be said strong is because I am prayerful. Without the Lord leading and guiding my heart, protecting me, and loving me I would not be a strong woman. Without our Lord walking by my side I would not be a strong woman. It by God's grace and being rooted in his love that I am made strong.

The past few weeks, life events should have knocked me down and caused me to give up and just shut down. Instead, I have stood firm, rooted in God, seeking His love and trusting he has a perfect plan for me - beyond anything I could ever possibly imagine.

So though you may be feeling down in the dumps or struggling a bit, remember we are strong in Christ. Without him we are nothing, but with him we can do all things.

God's Love Surpasses All

The other night I received news that well I wasn't expecting, that was rather upsetting. I quickly ran to one of my sisters - unsure of my emotions in the moment, and soon start sobbing. She sits with me and holds me while I cry and be angry and hurt and sad and feel all these emotions all at once. I felt so frustrated because it was like this news was the icing on top of the cake for the last three months. Being sick with chronic headaches is seriously the worst thing ever, and can be quite discouraging. And there had just been a lot of not so happy things, though I did my best to look for the good in life. But as I'm sitting there sobbing, frustrated beyond measure I look up and see the cross, and quickly my heart calms. I look at the cross and think to myself  'God's love surpasses all'. No matter how terrible life may seem, God's love covers it.

As women we tend to get hurt in relationships. We pour our hearts out to others, we give all our love, and truly invest in others, only to often times be rejected, overlooked, misunderstood, forgotten, set aside, etc. Time and time again I've felt this way. And that was just one of the things that went wrong that night.

But looking at the cross, I was brought so much peace. God's love. That's all we need. He died for us. He covered all our sin. He loved me so much that even when he fell as he carried his cross, not getting up again was not an option for him because he knew I needed him, and needed his love. He knew each one of us needed him and needed his love. Otherwise we wouldn't make it in this life.

So even when life seems to suck, and it feels everything is going wrong (at least according to what you think you want) God's love surpasses all, he has it under control. His plan is perfect, and his love and mercy is unending.

"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—says the LORD—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart" -Jeremiah 29:11-13

Monday Memo

'The more you are afflicted, the more you ought to rejoice, because in the fire of tribulation the soul will become pure gold, worthy to be placed and to shine in the heavenly palace. '

St. Padre Pio

Baby Steps

If there's one thing I've learned so far this year it is baby steps are good.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have chosen to take a medical leave of absence from school this semester due to some headache issues. With my headaches I have been prescribed physical therapy to hopefully help heal my poor little head. We've discovered that my neck and nervous system are very sensitive, and we actually have to desensitize my neck. This is a long process with a lot of meticulous things. My take home exercises are simple, but actually really hard.

Each week at physical therapy I tend to learn something new. Something new about the nervous system, something new that's wrong with brain, something new that takes away my pain, something new. Often times these new things are exciting - Oh if I sit this way it helps my neck and head feel better. If I do this exercise it will make my eye reflexes better which will help my dizziness. Today I learned that part of my dizziness is due to a struggle of communication with the nerves in my ear to my brain, on the right side. A baby step - another little source of the problem. Another little thing to do to help make things better.

In life we all have goals - to graduate from college, get a job, get married, enter a religious vocation, have babies, run a half marathon, run a full marathon, complete a triathlon, learn to sew, learn to knit, learn to play tennis. The possibilities are truly endless.

I've ran a half marathon, so let's use that.
You don't just wake up and say "I'm gonna run a half marathon today" (well some people do...). Once you decide to run one you find one and sign up, and you start training. Lets say you've never ran before in your life. So you start small. You start by running a mile, maybe two. Then after a week you work up to three, and you keep adding miles, each week you add one, maybe two miles. Then before you know it you've trained your muscles to carry oxygen and trained your body to be able to run 13 miles without stopping. But when you first started you could only run a mile. You had to make baby steps. Half way through your training you twisted your ankle, you had to slow down your running for a week - and you couldn't pick up right where you left off, you had to slow down, take baby steps.

So often in this life we want to rush through things, and so often we want immediate results. We forget the importance of baby steps. But if there's one thing I'm learning it's the importance of baby steps.

With the start of physical therapy I hoped that by this point I would be feeling almost back to normal. It would take around 4-5 sessions and everything would be better. Not the case. Each day this week was a little different. Two of them were really good with minimal pain, most days I suffered quite a bit, but was able to fulfill my daily duties. I realized that it was going to be a long process, full of baby steps. Learning to embrace the little wins we do get. So I fully embraced my two good days, and rejoiced, and the others, I also rejoiced.

And I think we can apply this is all areas of our life, especially with God. So often we expect him to work. We pray for something and we want to see it immediately. We want instant results. And sometimes that's how God works, but most of the time it's not. Most of the time he works quietly, slowly preparing us for what he has in store. So though we may grow discouraged in our walk Christ, especially when we don't see the results we want, let us rejoice in the good things we see in day to day life. Let us rejoice in the sunshine. Let us rejoice in getting out of class early. Let us rejoice in sharing life with a beautiful friend. Let us rejoice in the things each day that make life worth living.

God bless.

Healing Takes Time

Something I am continually learning is that healing takes time.

I think back to the first time my heart was truly broken, and I was hurt in an emotional way - crying myself to sleep, and the like - it took me over a year and a half to truly heal from that hurt. I held onto it because I was afraid of what my life would be like without it. But the point is that it took me a really long time to heal from that broken relationship.

I think of the time I had a stress fracture in my tibia (main weight bearing bone in your shin), I was on crutches for 8 weeks and then had physical therapy after that to strengthen my leg.

I think of when my brother got in a car accident - it'll be two years this summer - his knees still bother him, and he went without his two front teeth for almost a year.

I think of my friend who was hit by a car 4 months ago, and still experiences a lot of pain - and his body is still healing.

I think of my friends who had reconstructive jaw surgery, and the long process their healing took.

And I look at myself now - today. This week I had to make a decision - withdraw from school or try and push through with a daily headache? I chose to take the medical leave of absence.

After going to the family doctor, an ear nose and throat specialist, and a neurologist, due to a daily headache, and often times a migraine - I have been diagnosed with Chronic Daily Headaches with a prescription for physical therapy. Through physical therapy I have learned that my neck tissue is ridiculously sensitive, my eye reflexes are off, and a number of other things.

Going into the first week of class, I was able to focus one day in class out of the entire week. That is clearly not enough time to gain the knowledge I need to pass my classes and become the nurse I want to be. So I made the decision to take time off to get myself better.

I think it is easy for all of us to get discouraged in our walks of life. It is easy for us to want to give up - I know I reached that point with this sickness. But there is one thing I learned with this so far - healing takes time. I went into physical therapy with the thought that I would be up to par and back to normal in no time.... 3 sessions later - I'm still experiencing daily pain, have had a headache that knocked me out since I started, and my take home practices are very simple, very slight movements, that most people should be able to do with ease, and for me it is exhausting. It is challenging to retrain your brain that certain things are in fact safe, and rewire my brain to take in daily stimulus as normal and not dangerous.

And throughout - the Lord has managed to renew my faith and restore my hope. I hit a point where I felt like I was never going to get better, and felt that I just dying, slowly & painfully - but the Lord - he knows our limits. He saw my struggle, and has given me the grace to fulfill my daily duties. If it is not his will for me to go to class one day, then he will not give me the grace. But if it is his will that I go to class, he will give me the grace.

We are not given more than we can handle. And so often the suffering we are given is for good, for the salvation of others.

I once read somewhere that we cannot pray for someone and not expect to suffer for them. So as I slowly, but surely work towards my healing, I offer my pain and suffering for those whom I love that they may be drawn closer to Christ, and that my suffering may used for the good of their soul and the fullness of their lives.

So next time you get discouraged when you are healing from a physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual hurt - be patient, offer your suffering for the well being of others, and know our King has a perfect plan and reason for your suffering. There is hope offered in the cross - the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Monday Memo

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. 
Life is beauty, admire it. 
Life is a dream, realize it. 
Life is a challenge, meet it. 
Life is a duty, complete it. 
Life is a game, play it. 
Life is a promise, fulfill it. 
Life is sorrow, overcome it. 
Life is a song, sing it. 
Life is a struggle, accept it. 
Life is a tragedy, confront it. 
Life is an adventure, dare it. 
Life is luck, make it. 
Life is too precious, do not destroy it. 
Life is life, fight for it.” 
― Mother Teresa

If the Whole World was Blind

Today I was scrolling through pinterest, since classes just started and there's not a boat load of homework just yet, and I found this quote and it stopped me. If the whole world was blind how many people would you impress? And it made me think - how often do we get distraught because our appearance isn't what we want it to be? Or I know I've avoided being with people because I don't want them to see me struggle, to see the hurt in my eyes, the tears in my eyes, the pain I may be feeling.

I've had a few of my friends, there are two specific people who come to my mind, who have told me that they admire the way I love each person individually. When I read this quote, that's what I thought of - how each person is different, and needs to be loved in their own way, special to their needs.

For example, when I have a bad day 90% of the time I just want someone to sit with me and hold me while I cry, if I need to cry, or to just sit with me and hold - and if I need to talk listen to me, but be okay with simply holding me close to them, so I can hear their heart beat.
But I know other people who when they have a bad day they want to be left alone. Don't touch them, don't ask them how they're doing, just leave them be, they want to be alone. And for my friends who are like that, I often write them a note or a little gift of some form. And normally that's just what they need.

I live with 6 other women, and have plenty of friends, and something I've learned in my short 20 years of life is that each person we encounter will need you to love them in a special way, and that's what makes the difference in this life.

We'll forever remember the people who held our hand when we needed it, who offered their presence when you didn't want to be alone, who held you close to let you know you were wanted, who left you a note that you are loved, wanted, appreciated.
May we slow down, and take the time to get to know the people we call dear to us, to love them. We won't be remembered by many once we leave this world, but we will be remembered by those who we loved.

If the whole world was blind how many people would you impress?
                        Do the people in your life know you care? Do the people in your life know your love for them?