Monday Memo

"Can you imagine what twelve more Mother Teresa's would do for the world? Can you imagine what would happen if just twelve people offered Christ 100% of their hearts and help back nothing, absolutely nothing? ...You can become a saint. Absolutely no one, and nothing can stop you." -Peter Kreeft.

You're Gonna Miss This

We always want to be going on to the next thing. Just the other day I caught myself thinking about the future and how much I desire that, not embracing my life as it is.

This is something all of us as college students struggle with. I remember having a conversation my freshman year first semester with a friend who had just graduated. I said to him "I can't wait to be done with school" and he stopped me and told me to embrace this time. The four years that we spend in college are the only four years we have like this, fully embrace them.

Today I was driving to a coffee shop to meet a friend and this song came on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBDN8yWyNYU

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

I started thinking about the lyrics as I was driving - and just realized how each moment in our lives is a precious time, a time we won't get back. We need to embrace each moment fully and learn to see the beauty in it.

It's so hard to desire the future, thinking to ourselves "I just need to get this" whatever "this" may be, and I'll be happy. But really, our only true home is in Jesus so we need to embrace the moments we have, and learn to be content where we're at because Jesus has us in that moment for a reason.

Because of His Love

It seems every college student has moments where they ask themselves "what am I doing with my life? Is this really what I want to do? Am I cut out for this?" The last one was the question at hand today. I'm a nursing major. My heart's desire has always been to help people, and I just knew nursing was where I was supposed to be. People often ask me why I chose nursing, and I tell them I just knew that's what I was supposed to do. However, today I had that moment where I had to wonder is this really the right thing, do I have what it takes to be a nurse?

I can't watch an ambulance pull away when I loved one is in it. My brother was in an accident where I had to watch him leave in an ambulance full of strangers and I couldn't be at his side. I was strong for my family, by the grace of God, the entire night until my brother was no longer at my side and I could no longer be aware of what was going on. I remember feeling myself heart sink, and wanting to buckle to the floor. I can't watch an ambulance pull away when a loved one is in it without crying, but if I can go with them it's fine. That's not what sparked today's question, but it was factored in.

Today, in class we talked about cancer cells, which is a little touchy of a topic. I know very well what cancer is, and how it kills people. Today my professor, whose class I struggle in to begin with, keeps asking "how does cancer kill people" All I could think of was my grandfather suffering to his death, slowly becoming weaker as the cancer took over his body, and his organs slowly shut down. Eventually, our professor got his answer, but it caused a few too many of buttons to be pushed, and I was fuming as I left class. We know how cancer kills people. We don't need to go into in depth discussions about how it kills people, and takes over their bodies and the families have to watch their loved one suffer, and a 17 year old has to hold her mother as she mourns her father, and be the strong one.

My emotional baggage to these two things made me wonder - why am I doing this? Do I really want to be a nurse? Can I handle being a nurse? What about when a patient has to be sent to a different hospital, will I have to walk away and cry? How am I ever going to do this? Plus I just want to be a mom anyway. I want to be a stay at home mom and care for my children - raise them with love, and help them to come to know Jesus all their lives. Why am I even going to nursing school?

Earlier in the day I had decided to go on a run, so after my class, as all these thoughts are running through my mind I decide to go on my run - it'll help me blow off steam. So I drive to park of roses, which is one of my favorite placed in Columbus, especially when roses are in full bloom, it's so beautiful, but it's a beautiful park in general so I like to go there to run. As I start my run I am continuing to think about all of this and call on our Lord.

God, what am I doing? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? I just want to be a mom, what are you doing in my life right now?

I expressed to my Father what was bothering me, and he brought me peace. First, our gracious King reminded how he is with me always, he has called me to be a student, and this is a time for me to grow - to build sisterhood, and to strengthen my relationship with him, Then a verse from the readings today, and my prayer time this morning came to mind:
                                                             "God indeed is my Savior; 

I am confident and unafraid. 

My strength and my courage is the Lord, 

and he has been my Savior." 

-Isaiah 12:2

I am confident and unafraid. There was fear in my heart, fear that I wouldn't succeed, fear that I was doing the wrong thing. My strength and my courage is the Lord. God gives us the strength to do what he asks of us. He will give me the strength to be a nursing student. He will give me the strength and the courage to be a nurse. 

Now this verse had come to mind, but I wasn't fully convinced. I was kind of like okay God, sure. Well, as I'm on my run, the path has this curve, that I don't like very much - it's dangerous, hard to see, I'm always afraid I'll get hit by a biker or something. Well just so happens that I run across a little biking accident. I was convicted to stop, make sure everyone was okay. I told the people I was a nursing student and there was this immediate trust they had. It was so natural to me - it was so natural for me to jump in, to show I care, to make sure this woman was okay, to check for immediate swelling or bruising. It was natural. As I continued on my run I realized the Lord had showed me I have what it takes - I have what it takes because of his love. I have his love, and spread to others through my actions. The love I will love others with is the love of Christ, and none other. He is my strength, my shield, my sustenance. 

Because of His love I am confident and unafraid; my strength and my courage come from the Lord. I can do all the things he asks of me by his grace. 

Monday Memo

I thought it would be quite fitting to share quotes of our newly canonized St. Marianne Cope. I did some reading on her yesterday as well, and she is wonderful! Naturally, I mean any saint is basically an amazing person and example for us to look up to... Here's a few encouraging quotes for your week from our new saint during her time on this earth, serving the poor and in-firmed.

"The charity of the good knows no creed and is confined to no one place." 

“For us it is happiness to be able to comfort, in a measure, the poor exiles, and we rejoice that we are unworthy agents of our heavenly Father through whom He deigns to show His great love and mercy to the sufferers."  

“Let us make the very best use of the precious moments and do all in our power for His dear sake and for His greater honor and glory." 

“If we, with the help of God, do our duty and work for His honor and glory no one will interfere with us."

“Creep down into the heart of Jesus.  He alone can comfort you in your supreme hour of sorrow." 

“May God give you health and strength so you will be able to lead the little ones to Him and teach them to love God more than any thing in this world." 

And you can read more about our dear sister in Christ here.

Happy Monday!

Expectations

Lately the Lord has been teaching me a lot about having expectations, and I wanted to share some of it with all of you, my friends :)

So, as I've mentioned, I live in a house with 6 other women, so there are 7 of us total. Six of the seven are full time students, most of us have a part time job, and we're seeking to live authentic Christian lives. Awesome. Therefore, Monday through Thursday we rise before the sun in order to pray. We pray the liturgy of the hours Morning Prayer, read more about it here. To start off the semester we rose by 6:10 and gathered at our kitchen table for "breakfast", most eat, some of us sit there and stare. Then at 6:30 we head to our prayer room and do this prayer. However, one of our sisters had a schedule change, requiring an even earlier start to her day. In order to be able to include this sister in morning prayer we decided to make a sacrifice by starting morning prayer at 6 am. So we all wake up and head upstairs to our prayer room from our beds (aside from a few) and prayer morning prayer.

I had been to morning prayer last year, prior to living in household, and the beginning of this year we had been having morning prayer where we sounded beautiful, there were few errors, and morning prayer was truly an uplifting way to start my day. Morning prayer met the expectation I held. Then on the mornings that we pray at 6 am we kept messing up. Antiphons were said wrong, or forgotten to be said, we sang the psalms incorrectly, our voices didn't sound so pretty, the list goes on. And basically I didn't feel like morning prayer was worth it. I wasn't getting anything out of it, other than frustration, because it wasn't meeting my expectations. Morning prayer was not what I thought it should be.

This was really bothering me so I talked to a friend about it. I just didn't know what to do. I was frustrated because morning prayer was making me feel frustrated. I was frustrated because morning prayer didn't sound pretty. I was frustrated because I didn't like getting up 20 mins earlier. The list goes on with all these things that upset me because it wasn't how I thought it should be.

This was how I was feeling and then I talked to my friend who said Christ is pleased with the time we are giving him. He is pleased that we are making the effort.
I was upset because these various things were an inconvenience to me, and they didn't meet my own expectations, but all I did was think of myself. I didn't think about how God is pleased that we are giving our time, that we are making an effort, that we are striving to love. I didn't think about how this prayer was giving strength to our sister. I didn't think about how this sister had to get up earlier too in order to get ready for her day.

By our human imperfection we will continue to have expectations, now as I think about this, I realize how many different expectations I have about things. It's almost as if I have my own will, and I get upset when God reveals to me that he has something better. In addition, when little things bother or upset us they are the perfect opportunity to offer them as a gift to Jesus. Our God can take the tiniest offerings and do great things for them. This is something I will have to continually work on, for the rest of my life. I invite you to join me on this journey - this journey of letting go of our expectations for things, and allowing God to be God. Permitting our King to be King.

"He must increase; I must decrease." John 3:30

"If he gives his life as an offering for sin,
he shall see his descendants in a long life,
and the will of the LORD shall be accomplished through him.
Because of his affliction
he shall see the light in fullness of days;
through his suffering, my servant shall justify many,
and their guilt he shall bear." -Isaiah 53:10-11

So let us confidently approach the throne of grace
to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help. -Hebrews 4:16

Monday Memo: St. Teresa of Avila

Today's quotes come from St. Teresa of Avila because she is my confirmation saint, and a woman dear to my heart - and today is her feast day! Happy feast day of St. Teresa of Avila, my dear brothers and sisters! She was one of the first female doctors of the church, and reformed the Carmelite Order, she was a woman of great courage and wisdom. May we seek her intercession always!

"Whenever we think of Christ we should recall the love that led Him to bestow on us so many graces and favors, and also the great love God showed in giving us in Christ a pledge of His love; for love calls for love in return. Let us strive to keep this always before our eyes and to rouse ourselves to love Him. For if at some time the Lord should grant us the grace of impressing His love on our hearts, all will become easy for us and we shall accomplish great things quickly and without effort." 

“Let nothing disturb thee; 
Let nothing dismay thee;
All thing pass; 
God never changes. 
Patience attains All that it strives for
 He who has God Finds he lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.” 
-St Teresa of Avila

Pain is never permanent -St. Teresa if Avila

what matters is not whether or no we wear a religious habit; it is whether we try to practise the virtues, and make a complete surrender of our wills to God and order our lives as His Majesty ordains: let us desire that not our wills, but His will, be done" -St Teresa of Avila

We shall never succeed in knowing ourselves unless we seek to know God."-St. Teresa of Avila

Why do People put up with me?

I was talking with a friend the other day and she asked me "Do you ever wonder why people put up with you?" My response was "on a regular basis" So often I find myself wondering why people 'put up with me', why they deal with my stress, anxiety, fear, anger, need to vent, inability to love well, selfish tendencies, etc.

After this conversation I started to think about this question we so often ask ourselves. What does this question really mean? Why do we ask ourselves this all the time.

When we ask ourselves 'why do people put up with me' we are really asking 'why do people love me?' Why do people love me when I'm such a failure? I'm selfish, and so often think only of me and what will make me happy. I'm unloving. When I'm tired you probably shouldn't talk to me. I complain all the time, especially about school. I have anxiety, and struggle with depression sometimes. I am filled with pride.

We each see our own imperfections so clear to us in each moment of each day. I can go through a day and point out each time I messed up in being a 'good' Christian to you, but I won't. I see my imperfections, and struggle to love myself; therefore, I wonder how any other person can possibly love me.

So why do we think this way? Why do we feel like people shouldn't love us?

"Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble." 
-1 Peter 3:8

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 
-1 Corinthians 13:7

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." -Galatians 5:13

This is only a small bit of what Christ tells us through the bible. Christ calls us to love one another, deeply, selflessly. That is why our friends 'put up with us'. So what must be the root of the question other than that of fear. Fear of being unwanted, unloved. Fear that causes us to push others away from us. Fear that causes us to draw away from love. Fear of being tossed aside, when our friends grow weary in loving us. Fear that causes us to see the imperfections of ourselves shine so powerfully that we forget how to see the beauty in ourselves. 

We are each children of God, beloved by Him, made perfect in his image. As I was thinking and praying  about this Psalm 139 kept coming to mind. 

"Lord, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and I stand, you know my thoughts from afar. You sift through all my travels and my rest; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it all. ... You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb." -Psalm 139:1-4, 13 (I really encourage to read the whole psalm, it is one of my favorites, and most pivotal in me growing into the woman I am now)

The Lord formed us, He knows us, knows us well - actually better than we know ourselves. Because of this He also knows our needs, and places certain people in our lives for this reason - to love us, and love us well. 

When we allow our fears to consume us, our fears of being unloved, unwanted, disliked, forgotten, despised we cannot serve Christ as he asks of us. When we are consumed by what others think of us, and are convinced we are unlovable we cannot love Christ. 

We love the people in our lives each day, we see the beauty in them. We are able to look past the imperfections of those around us and love them; therefore, we must also do this for ourselves.

Each time you ask yourself "why do people even put up with me?" push that thought aside. Recognize your imperfection, but strive to look past and see the beauty. I know I am so often amazed when people say kind things about me because it's so often a challenge for me to see the good myself. Remember, you're not the only one feeling this way, and seek out someone who can help to lift you fallen spirits. Lastly, we have a God of mercy, a God of love, a God of forgiveness - though we fail him every day, he loves us still. Let us Christ for his mercy and love, and ask him to help us be merciful and forgiving towards ourselves. 

"I have strength for all things through Him who empowers me." Philippians 4:13

In Christ, 
Amber 


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Monday Memo

Hello, hello! It's Monday, which means it's time for our quote(s) of the week. Because it's the month of October, and because yesterday was Rosary Sunday I have a few quotes about praying the rosary that I want to share, and I also want to encourage each of you to pray the Rosary each, especially during this month of October!

"The rosary is the weapon for these times." -Padre Pio

"One day through the rosary and the scapular, our lady will save the world" -St. Dominic

"Give me an army saying the rosary and I will conquer the world." -Pope St. Pius IX

May we pray the rosary, and seek the intercession of the Blessed Mother, whom Jesus gave to us as he was on the cross, in a particular this week and this month as we honor her!

Mary, help of Christians, pray for us!

Monday Memo: St. Therese

Happy feast day of St. Therese! I have had a special devotion to St. Therese for about three years now, and her intercession is powerful and continually changing my life. I encourage you to pray to her, to seek her intercession. Here are a few of her quotes :)

“If I did not simply live from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient, but I only look at the present, I forget the past, and I take good care not to forestall the future.” 
― Thérèse de Lisieux

Do you realize
that Jesus is there
in the tabernacle
expressly for you-
for you alone? He
burns with the
desire to come into
your heart… don’t
listen to the demon,
laugh at him, and

go without fear to
receive the Jesus of
peace and love…”
― Thérèse de Lisieux

"My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience.” St. Therese