Recently I have been reflecting on the last few months of my life, which lead me to reflect on the year, onto the past 3 years. I thought about the hardships, I looked through old pictures and looked back fondly on the memories of college so far. I have 13 months until I graduate next December, so I guess it makes sense.. The reason I was reflecting on the last few months is in August I decided to be very intentional about relationship with the Lord, and "fast" from dating, meaning that if someone were to ask me on a date I would actually tell them no (or now's not the time... something to that effect) but last week I realized I was entering into my last month of this intentional time I've set aside in my life and I wanted to see what the Lord has been doing with this time. It has been a very blessed and fruitful time. But what I want to get at is longer term this is just a back story for you.
In my reflection I started looking back at my own instagram posts and there was a turning point in my posts. I realized that when my posts became more joy-filled coincided with the time in my life when I became more joy-filled. In our community here in Columbus we've had a bit of a rough semester. People have been sick, unpredictable distressing things have happened, we're feeling a little bogged down and a little burnt out. And as I've heard this from countless people and experienced it myself this semester, I thought about the times in my past when I've felt this way before, and when our community has been in a similar place before. The hardest times are often the times of our greatest growth. We went into this year asking the Lord to take us deeper, to deepen our roots. That's a bold prayer. That's asking for growth. And, I don't remember if you remember being a kid and the different growth spurts, but growing hurts -- whether it's physically, spiritually, or emotionally growing hurts.
And as I've been reflecting I've realized it's all a choice. When I saw this change to a joy-filled Amber it was when I chose to give thanks every day. I read a book (1,000 Gifts) that challenged me to write down 1,000 things I was grateful for. So I made a pretty journal and tried to everyday write down something I was grateful for. This allowed me to see the ways God loved me throughout my day. It allowed me to be receptive and aware of the grace provides me in each day. It's a choice to love our brothers and sisters. It's a choice to give thanks. It's a choice to be satisfied in the Lord.
Over the summer one of my good guy friends pulled me aside at a group thing because he wanted to clarify his intentions in our friendship, that all he does for me, for each of the women is to love us well as sisters. That conversation brought a lot of healing and freedom in my life, and especially in my relationships with the men in my life. However, after this conversation I was tempted to analyze. Why he is saying something now? What prompted him to do something? etc... I wanted to analyze the situation; however, had I done that I would not have received the freedom choosing to accept this gift brought. If I had analyzed and dwelled in the why I would probably feel really awkward around this friend of mine, but instead I am able to love him better as my friend and brother in Christ. I chose to give thanks for a brother humble and courageous enough to have this conversation with me.
A few weeks ago I was feeling a little down in the dumps and wanted to post about it on social media because I am a product of a culture that turns to media when we feel unloved rather than actual people. I did post a photo, but I didn't use the words I thought I was going to. Instead saying something about feeling lonely, I said something about the choice give thanks even when I didn't feel like it. Here's what I said: Because sometimes you have to remember to take life one day, one step, one moment, one breath at a time. You have to remember your worth rests not in what you do but who you are + to whom you belong. You have to remember things of this world will not satisfy + rest can be found only Christ. You have to trust HE has a plan for your life + you are doing the best you can. You have to remember to c h o o s e j o y + say yes to HIS g r a c e
In this single for a season or dating fast (whatever you want to call it) the Lord has been teaching me a lot about the choice to be satisfied in Him. The past weekish I have been struggling -- wanting to feel noticed, to believe I was thought of, to be reminded that I matter to the people around me, that I am welcomed, that I belong, that I have a place at the table. And the Lord was doing this for me, but not in the ways I wanted it or expected. I wanted to come home and see my daddy had sent me flowers, or have a kind note from one of my sisters, but that didn't happen. Looking back on it now, despite how I was feeling and wanting to receive love the Lord was lavishing his love on me! Each day my prayer time in the morning was so good. I started my day with the Lord, feeling peaceful, having rested in His presence. He loved me so well -- there were times when my favorites songs came on the radio, I was able to focus on my school work well, I got to catch up with good friends unexpectedly, the weather was beautiful, I was able to go to daily mass, etc. There were so many ways the Lord was loving me and satisfying me but I didn't choose to see it. I chose to wallow in self-pity, and was miserable. But once I realized this, and began to choose joy again, There was a difference in my joy, in my life, in my love. And praise God for that.
So as you may be feeling discouraged because it's November and we're on auto pilot for the rest of the semester or you're seasonal depression or anxiety is kicking in, or whatever it may be remember the choice is yours. Choose to be satisfied in the Lord, choose to give thanks, choose to be joyful, and you will not be disappointed.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Thursday, September 17, 2015
A Response #nursesunite
Anyone who has met me has probably had a conversation with me about either the Catholic faith or nursing because these are two things I am most passionate about.
I believe in the Catholic faith. I chose it on my own as a 15 year old because for the first time in my life I found home. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I love everything about my faith and I want to be Jesus to each person I meet.
The other thing I am passionate about is nursing. If you've had a conversation with me, chances are nursing came up and my face lit up and I got really excited to tell you all about what I was learning or my patient that week.. or something.
I picked nursing because I knew for as long as I can remember that I wanted to spend my life helping people. I knew I wanted to care for people and to love people. I knew there was a lot of brokenness in this world and I knew that love, care, and compassion were the cure - so I wanted to spend my life doing these things. To me, nursing is more than a career path - it's a vocation, a calling.
So you can only imagine my reaction to The View this week and the commentary on Miss Colorado's monologue, which brought tears to my eyes.
At first, I was enraged. How could someone be so ignorant, rude, disrespectful, and degrading?!
But maybe she's never had a loved one in the hospital. Maybe she has never known a nurse personally. Maybe she has been hurt by someone who was a nurse... I don't know. I hope that she some day realizes how inappropriate her commentary was - and how it enraged, but more than that, wounded nurses everywhere. Her commentary cut to the heart of nurses. But I'll forgive her...
There aren't adequate words to put to our experiences as nurses. I've cared for women from different cultures, where women don't have a voice, and her husband spoke for her. I've cared for patients who were actively dying. I've cared for patients who got highly confused and I was able to calm them down because they recognized my face from earlier in the day, and they thanked me for caring for them all day. I've had patients give me a hug their last day in the hospital and promise to change their lives. I've cared for patients who couldn't remember how to give themselves a bath. I've seen the difference a listening ear can make in a patient's progress towards healing.
Yesterday one of my nursing friends had to do chest compressions on a real person(not the dummies we learn CPR on) for the first time and all she kept saying was how she could feel the ribs breaking. They tried for 45 mins to save this patient and did everything they could. And it was obvious this girl was affected, just as any compassionate human being would have been - especially for the first time.
I've had patients who wouldn't let go of my hand. I've stayed in procedure rooms where I normally would have left because the patient only stayed calm if I was present.
The lady on The View made comments about our "doctors" stethoscope and about our scrubs being a "costume" but I think what kills me the most is overlooking the care and compassion nurses have to their patients. What kills me most is not that she doesn't realized medical professionals everywhere use stethoscopes and that scrubs are the practical attire for a nurse, but that these women overlooked the whole point of the monologue in the first place - to remind herself and nurses everywhere that we are more than just a nurse and to try to teach this world that nurses do far more and care far more than anyone who has not spent time in a hospital realizes.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Lose Yourself in the Service of Others
Life is hard, but the Lord is good -- is better.
One time, scrolling through pinterest I found this image (left) with the quote and fell in love because it reminded me exactly why I decided as a junior in high school that I wanted to go to nursing school. I've been spending a lot of time dwelling with this quote lately.
I'm a 5th year senior. All of my friends I met as a freshman, and came into the Catholic community I'm a part graduated in May, and most of my closest friends have left - the city, the state, or the country - and it's actually really hard. It hard because the people I started journeying through college with have moved to the next state of life, and I feel stuck, still being a student, still going to school. Thankfully I became really good friends with the women a year younger than me, and that has been one of the greatest blessings in this time.
I'm currently repeating a class I took last year, but didn't have a high enough test average because life happens and it happens all at once. And because anxiety is tough beast to wrestle. And it's hard. It's hard to sit through lecture when the powerpoints, the professor, and the stories from the professor are all the same. I thought I would at least like repeating the clinical portion of the class, but that was also really hard. It was really hard because when I think of clinical I now think of my time at the James Cancer Hospital.
A year ago, I was leaning towards specializing in neonatal intensive care nursing. Today, I sit here longing for the day I can go back to the James, or at least work with adult oncology patients. I realized how much I like interacting with my patients - talking to them, but more than that -- preserving their dignity, treating them like the human beings they are. At the James I cared for patients who were actively dying. Caring for someone actively dying is probably one of the hardest things nurses do.
Let me tell you a story about the patient who changed my perspective. This patient had a dressing change that was really uncomfortable and I was sharing her care with one of my classmates. He was doing the actual dressing change, but I was there and I talked to my patient and distracted them from this very uncomfortable task. At the end, the look of surprise on their face that was it was already over was reward enough. Later in the day, this patient got extremely confused and anxious and I was able to calm them down because earlier in the day when I was talking with them I held eye contact, and they remembered me, knew they were safe - but more than that, they thanked me! A patient, thanked me, a student who was rather insecure being in the hospital, for caring for them. I could see, I experienced the difference a single person can make in the life of another by loving them. And the thing is, on mother infant and labor and delivery units you don't get these patients. You see the gift of new life, which is beautiful, and a true miracle, a true gift from God, but it's not the patient population I have been given a heart for. So school is hard, but the Lord is greater than school. And I know good will come out of this time I spend seeing new life.
But the Lord is good - Each day, I remind myself of this truth - that the Lord is good. Life has been hard lately, but I don't often notice that I'm in rough patch, only when people ask how I am, or how school is. I am convinced I don't notice these things because the Lord is pouring an abundance of His grace upon me, upon this city of Columbus, upon his people here. Because even though it's hard, I am still joyful, I still know I am loved, I still have a zeal for the mission of the Kingdom of God - the mission to be a beacon of light and hope in this world of darkness.
We have a Father who loves us deeply, and intimately. We have a Father who keeps His promise to never leave or forsake us. We have a Father who ceaselessly lavishes us in His love - he literally wastes His love on us because He cares for us that much. So I may be wishing I was in a different state of life, I may be wishing things were different, I may be wishing I was taking classes that I loved and wishing I loved what I was learning as much as I did last year, but all of this is nothing because the Lord has something so much better in store for us than what we plan for ourselves. For these things too shall pass.
Through the ups & downs, through the good times & bad may we remember that this too shall pass. May we recall the Father who loves us without ceasing. May we seek to know who we are as children of God in serving our God and laying down our lives for the building up of His Kingdom.
I'm a 5th year senior. All of my friends I met as a freshman, and came into the Catholic community I'm a part graduated in May, and most of my closest friends have left - the city, the state, or the country - and it's actually really hard. It hard because the people I started journeying through college with have moved to the next state of life, and I feel stuck, still being a student, still going to school. Thankfully I became really good friends with the women a year younger than me, and that has been one of the greatest blessings in this time.
I'm currently repeating a class I took last year, but didn't have a high enough test average because life happens and it happens all at once. And because anxiety is tough beast to wrestle. And it's hard. It's hard to sit through lecture when the powerpoints, the professor, and the stories from the professor are all the same. I thought I would at least like repeating the clinical portion of the class, but that was also really hard. It was really hard because when I think of clinical I now think of my time at the James Cancer Hospital.
A year ago, I was leaning towards specializing in neonatal intensive care nursing. Today, I sit here longing for the day I can go back to the James, or at least work with adult oncology patients. I realized how much I like interacting with my patients - talking to them, but more than that -- preserving their dignity, treating them like the human beings they are. At the James I cared for patients who were actively dying. Caring for someone actively dying is probably one of the hardest things nurses do.
Let me tell you a story about the patient who changed my perspective. This patient had a dressing change that was really uncomfortable and I was sharing her care with one of my classmates. He was doing the actual dressing change, but I was there and I talked to my patient and distracted them from this very uncomfortable task. At the end, the look of surprise on their face that was it was already over was reward enough. Later in the day, this patient got extremely confused and anxious and I was able to calm them down because earlier in the day when I was talking with them I held eye contact, and they remembered me, knew they were safe - but more than that, they thanked me! A patient, thanked me, a student who was rather insecure being in the hospital, for caring for them. I could see, I experienced the difference a single person can make in the life of another by loving them. And the thing is, on mother infant and labor and delivery units you don't get these patients. You see the gift of new life, which is beautiful, and a true miracle, a true gift from God, but it's not the patient population I have been given a heart for. So school is hard, but the Lord is greater than school. And I know good will come out of this time I spend seeing new life.
But the Lord is good - Each day, I remind myself of this truth - that the Lord is good. Life has been hard lately, but I don't often notice that I'm in rough patch, only when people ask how I am, or how school is. I am convinced I don't notice these things because the Lord is pouring an abundance of His grace upon me, upon this city of Columbus, upon his people here. Because even though it's hard, I am still joyful, I still know I am loved, I still have a zeal for the mission of the Kingdom of God - the mission to be a beacon of light and hope in this world of darkness.
We have a Father who loves us deeply, and intimately. We have a Father who keeps His promise to never leave or forsake us. We have a Father who ceaselessly lavishes us in His love - he literally wastes His love on us because He cares for us that much. So I may be wishing I was in a different state of life, I may be wishing things were different, I may be wishing I was taking classes that I loved and wishing I loved what I was learning as much as I did last year, but all of this is nothing because the Lord has something so much better in store for us than what we plan for ourselves. For these things too shall pass.
Through the ups & downs, through the good times & bad may we remember that this too shall pass. May we recall the Father who loves us without ceasing. May we seek to know who we are as children of God in serving our God and laying down our lives for the building up of His Kingdom.
Friday, July 24, 2015
Bind my Wandering Heart to Thee
I don't know about you, but this summer has been rough. and much harder than I ever anticipated. I went into the summer so excited that so many of my friends were staying on campus for the summer and so many things were going to be happening! Now, don't get me wrong, it has been absolutely wonderful! Being an extrovert, I NEED people. However, prayer was hard. Being in two weddings for two of my best friends, back to back was hard. Seeing to of my other best friends get engaged was hard - and seemed to only magnify the fact that I am single and exacerbate my desires for marriage. But the Lord is good and merciful!
June proved to be the hardest month for my prayer life. I often spent my prayer time whining to God, complaining, being mad, and desperately grasping for control in this area of my life (that is my desire for relationship). It got to a point one day where I was ready to be done - done fighting, done trying and just so frustrated.... and I decided to pray my rosary, as I had started doing every day while putting the baby I care for as a summer job down for his nap. I prayed this rosary in a spirit of surrender in a mindset of 'God, I want to give up, so this is all I've got to give you' and I asked Mary to help me, to bring me back, to help me stop feeling this way. She answered my prayer one-hundred percent and then some.
After I finished my rosary I decided to read the daily readings (just kind of a habit of mine) and the first reading was from Genesis where Jacob wrestles with God. This reading reminded me of something from the beginning of the summer where it came about that the Lord wanted us to wrestle with our desires this summer. Shooooot - well, I did some wrestling then, but when it stopped the Lord has been nothing but good to me (not that he has ever been anything other than good to me!).
After I had this realization I texted one of my sisters to process with her what the Lord was doing and how he was working. And her response was the title of this post - bind my wandering heart to Thee, O Lord. So often our hearts wander to everything other than God to be satisfied. I was convinced I would be satisfied only with a relationship. I desire these things, but rather than surrendering these desires to the Lord, I was hoarding them for myself.
That same day I was scrolling through facebook and stumbled upon this quote It is well to choose some one good devotion, and to stick to it, and never to abandon it. -St. Philip Neri
Which was perfect because ever since I first started trying to pray I have been praying the rosary! How good the Lord is to us! All the pieces started to fall into place, and since that day I have been working to keep up a daily rosary, continuing to ask the Blessed Mother's intercession and giving her my desire for my vocation. There will be more to come on what the Lord has been doing with my prayer.
Stick to those devotions that first brought you to the Lord. Know the Lord is trustworthy and has a perfect plan for your life. Never cease to seek Him, and remember to continually surrender your desires, hopes, and dreams to him.
June proved to be the hardest month for my prayer life. I often spent my prayer time whining to God, complaining, being mad, and desperately grasping for control in this area of my life (that is my desire for relationship). It got to a point one day where I was ready to be done - done fighting, done trying and just so frustrated.... and I decided to pray my rosary, as I had started doing every day while putting the baby I care for as a summer job down for his nap. I prayed this rosary in a spirit of surrender in a mindset of 'God, I want to give up, so this is all I've got to give you' and I asked Mary to help me, to bring me back, to help me stop feeling this way. She answered my prayer one-hundred percent and then some.
After I finished my rosary I decided to read the daily readings (just kind of a habit of mine) and the first reading was from Genesis where Jacob wrestles with God. This reading reminded me of something from the beginning of the summer where it came about that the Lord wanted us to wrestle with our desires this summer. Shooooot - well, I did some wrestling then, but when it stopped the Lord has been nothing but good to me (not that he has ever been anything other than good to me!).
After I had this realization I texted one of my sisters to process with her what the Lord was doing and how he was working. And her response was the title of this post - bind my wandering heart to Thee, O Lord. So often our hearts wander to everything other than God to be satisfied. I was convinced I would be satisfied only with a relationship. I desire these things, but rather than surrendering these desires to the Lord, I was hoarding them for myself.
That same day I was scrolling through facebook and stumbled upon this quote It is well to choose some one good devotion, and to stick to it, and never to abandon it. -St. Philip Neri
Which was perfect because ever since I first started trying to pray I have been praying the rosary! How good the Lord is to us! All the pieces started to fall into place, and since that day I have been working to keep up a daily rosary, continuing to ask the Blessed Mother's intercession and giving her my desire for my vocation. There will be more to come on what the Lord has been doing with my prayer.
Stick to those devotions that first brought you to the Lord. Know the Lord is trustworthy and has a perfect plan for your life. Never cease to seek Him, and remember to continually surrender your desires, hopes, and dreams to him.
Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.
Ignatius Loyola
Sunday, May 3, 2015
God Knows Everything
I don't know about you, but the last week has been rough on my heart. I know I recently wrote a rather popular post on embracing singleness, which I stand by, but I'm just trying to be real with y'all - the last week or so has been rough, in regards to my singleness. I think it's due to what one of my professors would call spring fever.
Spring does things to us, it makes us come alive. The whole world is filled with new life as flowers bloom and leaves grow, greenery returns, wedding season approaches and new dating relationships come to fruition, proposals occur, people graduate... and sometimes our heart strings are tugged - as excited as we may be for our peers. I know this has been my experience - people ask me what's new, how's life and I'm just plugging along. I just finished what is said to be the hardest year of nursing school. I am overwhelmed by the number of women I have in my life to call sister. But aside from that, there's nothing new - no new relationships, I have job lined up for the summer so that's nice. I have some goals for the summer, which is good. But life is just steady, constant, plugging along, nothing new to report. Which, is kind of nice. However, it would be nice to have a relationship to report because in my plan for my life I would be in a relationship currently, or very soon... but I don't know what the Lord has in store in regards to that aspect of my life. I have confidence that he has a plan for that area of my life, I just don't know what the plan is and I'm not particularly fond of not being in control of situations.
Anywho, I was taking some of these thoughts and feelings to prayer this week. Seeking to surrender the desires of my heart to the Lord. But also asking him to let me know He is near. Which he did, more than I could possibly have dreamed. The Lord has spoken this to me through a dear sister, just in the way He made His presence known in her day, and the way she shared that joy with me. In the community of brothers and sisters he has given me and the love and respect we all have for one another. In my personal prayer and the way he has been speaking to me in his word. In the readings today at mass - for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything. 1 Jn 3:20. Where he reminded me that he knows everything and I have no need to worry about anything. But most of all in the way He loved me - because he knows the song of my heart - through the beautiful sunset, a bright moon, seeing the stars, a relaxing & quiet evening...
Though we doubt and fail him daily, our God is a god who knows us and who loves us! He knows what we need before we ask Him. He provides for our every need.
Whether you're on cloud 9, down in the dumps, or chugging along know that you are not alone and you have a Father in heaven who loves you more than you could possibly imagine. He is watching over you and seeing to your every need. And there are men and women all over the earth in a similar spot to where you currently rest. Take hope that you are not alone! Praise the God who knows the number of hairs on our head, for he formed us in our mother's womb.
Spring does things to us, it makes us come alive. The whole world is filled with new life as flowers bloom and leaves grow, greenery returns, wedding season approaches and new dating relationships come to fruition, proposals occur, people graduate... and sometimes our heart strings are tugged - as excited as we may be for our peers. I know this has been my experience - people ask me what's new, how's life and I'm just plugging along. I just finished what is said to be the hardest year of nursing school. I am overwhelmed by the number of women I have in my life to call sister. But aside from that, there's nothing new - no new relationships, I have job lined up for the summer so that's nice. I have some goals for the summer, which is good. But life is just steady, constant, plugging along, nothing new to report. Which, is kind of nice. However, it would be nice to have a relationship to report because in my plan for my life I would be in a relationship currently, or very soon... but I don't know what the Lord has in store in regards to that aspect of my life. I have confidence that he has a plan for that area of my life, I just don't know what the plan is and I'm not particularly fond of not being in control of situations.
Anywho, I was taking some of these thoughts and feelings to prayer this week. Seeking to surrender the desires of my heart to the Lord. But also asking him to let me know He is near. Which he did, more than I could possibly have dreamed. The Lord has spoken this to me through a dear sister, just in the way He made His presence known in her day, and the way she shared that joy with me. In the community of brothers and sisters he has given me and the love and respect we all have for one another. In my personal prayer and the way he has been speaking to me in his word. In the readings today at mass - for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything. 1 Jn 3:20. Where he reminded me that he knows everything and I have no need to worry about anything. But most of all in the way He loved me - because he knows the song of my heart - through the beautiful sunset, a bright moon, seeing the stars, a relaxing & quiet evening...
Though we doubt and fail him daily, our God is a god who knows us and who loves us! He knows what we need before we ask Him. He provides for our every need.
Whether you're on cloud 9, down in the dumps, or chugging along know that you are not alone and you have a Father in heaven who loves you more than you could possibly imagine. He is watching over you and seeing to your every need. And there are men and women all over the earth in a similar spot to where you currently rest. Take hope that you are not alone! Praise the God who knows the number of hairs on our head, for he formed us in our mother's womb.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Scars Shape Us
I've been doing some thinking this week after I noticed the scars on some of my friends knees from various surgeries they've had, but also as I'm reading Captivating by Jon & Stasi Eldredge with one of my friends (this is my 3rd time reading the book if that tells you how I feel about it..) However, I've never read it with another person before, and actually talking about the things - the wounds and scars of my heart and seeing how they shape me has been really powerful, and really challenging.
I think often times we are ashamed of our scars. We cover them up, and hope nobody notices - this is true for physical scars, but I think it can also stand true for the scars on our hearts - we bury it deep inside us, and hope that the wounds we've experienced haven't been noticed by others.
For many men and women in this world their scars come from men in their lives. The girl I'm reading this book with - most of her wounds come from her dad, or an ex-boyfriend. However, as we talk about it I realized that my wounds come more from women - my relationship with my mom has always been harder than my dad, I've felt more hurt by mom, in high school and middle school it was relationships with girls that caused me more damage and heart-break than a boyfriend.
Going into this semester, I was intimidated by my clinical instructor, who was a woman - as all my clinical instructors have been, however, she was training a new clinical instructor who was a guy and I was automatically more at ease with him than I ever initially was with my actual clinical instructor. I am more at ease around the men in my circle of friends - because I put into place self-protective measures from women. I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt again... Granted, I have this knowledge about myself, I have the power to work to overcome this fear. But it's a journey... and knowing why I do things the way I do them helps me to make sense of who I am.
Our scars - they're not something to be ashamed of, no. They are the experiences of life that make us who we are. They are our testimony. And in our testimony - there is power, and opportunity.
Reflect on your scars, re-open your wounds. It may hurt, but when we have the courage to do these things the Lord brings healing and enables His light to more fully shine through us. God can use your story and your scars to teach others about his love.
I just want to leave you with a verse that has brought me a lot of hope as I go through my journey of allowing the Lord to heal the wounds of my heart.
Take courage, healing is in store for you. Tobit 5:10
I think often times we are ashamed of our scars. We cover them up, and hope nobody notices - this is true for physical scars, but I think it can also stand true for the scars on our hearts - we bury it deep inside us, and hope that the wounds we've experienced haven't been noticed by others.
For many men and women in this world their scars come from men in their lives. The girl I'm reading this book with - most of her wounds come from her dad, or an ex-boyfriend. However, as we talk about it I realized that my wounds come more from women - my relationship with my mom has always been harder than my dad, I've felt more hurt by mom, in high school and middle school it was relationships with girls that caused me more damage and heart-break than a boyfriend.
Going into this semester, I was intimidated by my clinical instructor, who was a woman - as all my clinical instructors have been, however, she was training a new clinical instructor who was a guy and I was automatically more at ease with him than I ever initially was with my actual clinical instructor. I am more at ease around the men in my circle of friends - because I put into place self-protective measures from women. I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt again... Granted, I have this knowledge about myself, I have the power to work to overcome this fear. But it's a journey... and knowing why I do things the way I do them helps me to make sense of who I am.
Our scars - they're not something to be ashamed of, no. They are the experiences of life that make us who we are. They are our testimony. And in our testimony - there is power, and opportunity.
Reflect on your scars, re-open your wounds. It may hurt, but when we have the courage to do these things the Lord brings healing and enables His light to more fully shine through us. God can use your story and your scars to teach others about his love.
I just want to leave you with a verse that has brought me a lot of hope as I go through my journey of allowing the Lord to heal the wounds of my heart.
Take courage, healing is in store for you. Tobit 5:10
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Purify Our Hearts, O Lord
Luke 24:13-35 The road to Emmaus is the Gospel reading for today. Verse 32 says "were not our hearts burning within us." Referring to when Jesus was walking with the men, opening the scriptures for them.
I read a reflection on this today, where the author pointed out that when the hearts were burning within these men it was because in that moment their hearts were being purified.
Easter Octave is such a blessed time in the Church. Jesus is present to in a very special, particular, and real way in this time of His resurrection. He is with us in a very intimate way, and purifying us - teaching us more about Himself, now that the will of the Father is complete - He has conquered sin and death, it is a time of rejoicing.
Back in the beginning of the liturgical year, with Advent, I prayed the rosary every day for the intention of the Lord purifying my heart. Once more, this act - of the Lord purifying my heart - has come to the forefront of my prayer.
"Behold, I make all things new." Rev 21:5
I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
The Lord desires to know us more. He desires us as we are, and to make us wholly His own people. He wants to renew and refresh us this Easter season. He wants to purify our hearts.
In this time of Easter, I encourage you to seek the Lord because He is present to us in a very special way, this is a very blessed time in the Church, of much rejoicing, and there is a unique opportunity for us to encounter the healing joy and love and of the Lord. He wishes to set us free from those thing that tie us down, that keep us in bondage. He wishes to make us light of his truth and his love.
He makes himself known on the road to Emmaus at the end of the journey, in the breaking of the bread - the mass - Christ wants to make Himself known to us in the mass this Easter season and to purify our hearts, to purify our love for Him. Dwell in him as dwells in, abide with Him as he abides with you. When you receive Jesus body, blood, soul, and divinity you become a living tabernacle of the living God and carry Him with you wherever you go. Let that truth carry into the way you live your life!
I read a reflection on this today, where the author pointed out that when the hearts were burning within these men it was because in that moment their hearts were being purified.
Easter Octave is such a blessed time in the Church. Jesus is present to in a very special, particular, and real way in this time of His resurrection. He is with us in a very intimate way, and purifying us - teaching us more about Himself, now that the will of the Father is complete - He has conquered sin and death, it is a time of rejoicing.
Back in the beginning of the liturgical year, with Advent, I prayed the rosary every day for the intention of the Lord purifying my heart. Once more, this act - of the Lord purifying my heart - has come to the forefront of my prayer.
"Behold, I make all things new." Rev 21:5
I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
The Lord desires to know us more. He desires us as we are, and to make us wholly His own people. He wants to renew and refresh us this Easter season. He wants to purify our hearts.
In this time of Easter, I encourage you to seek the Lord because He is present to us in a very special way, this is a very blessed time in the Church, of much rejoicing, and there is a unique opportunity for us to encounter the healing joy and love and of the Lord. He wishes to set us free from those thing that tie us down, that keep us in bondage. He wishes to make us light of his truth and his love.
He makes himself known on the road to Emmaus at the end of the journey, in the breaking of the bread - the mass - Christ wants to make Himself known to us in the mass this Easter season and to purify our hearts, to purify our love for Him. Dwell in him as dwells in, abide with Him as he abides with you. When you receive Jesus body, blood, soul, and divinity you become a living tabernacle of the living God and carry Him with you wherever you go. Let that truth carry into the way you live your life!
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